Just can't take it anymore
So I have had issues with getting an emtional connection with my SD. I was there the day she was born. I love her. I just can't get that excitment when she comes home, I don't care if she hugs me or not. This last week we picked her up then went on our honeymoon, leaving her and our youngest with an aunt. I was excited cause all I could think about it I only have to deal with her for 2 days.
I have tried everything I can think of to get that connection. I have gone to counseling, taken depression meds, totally ignored her (when I could) and given her all the attention I have.
I told my husband last night that I don't have a connection with her. Amazingly enough it didn't turn into a fight which I expected. It was calm. Anyway, I told him that I had 2 options, walk away as much as I could since I do have a child with him or try again to fix it. All he can say to me is well you need to be better. He told me that I needed to write out a list of all the things that bother me with her. So I did and he was so upset that it was so long. It went from everything from being whiney and spoiled to the way her mother treats me. I feel like I have tried everything that I can do. What am I missing?
I feel guilty because my husband has that connection with our oldest children. I don't know how to fix it. I have all but given up.
This is an awesome response,
This is an awesome response, just thought I'd put it out there. I was reading through and going, "yeah!" and "yeah!!" and "yeah!!" the whole time. Couldn't have said it better and agree totally.
Ditto!
Ditto!
That makes so much sense
That makes so much sense Fabumom. I have the same problem, I don't have that connection with my sk's. But my husband has a great connection with my kids, and I feel bad because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be very upset. I really need to buy that book. I don't even think my sk's look at me as a stepmom, I am their dad's wife. Or God only knows what they think or say about me! Stepmomap, I have been around since my sk's were toddlers, and I too, just don't feel the love. My sd just wants materialistic things from me, and ss8 and ss10 don't talk to me unless I am making something to eat. I hate it, I ignore it, but it's sad. I get relly sick of putting up with these "strangers" sort of speak that come over every other weekend only because they have to. We are all uncomfortable, but we just keep doing it. My husband luckily agrees with me, but he's very easy going, and I am the one who wants things to change.
It really is a comfort to
It really is a comfort to know that I am not the only one. SD3 also doesn't talk to me unless she has too. Last night I was just looking at her and she threw the biggst atttitude at me...glares at me and retorts "what". Dh just sat there. She treats me with respect about 10% of the whole time she is here. She is even trying to get BD15 month in trouble for stupid things. DS4 DD4 and DD8 are in texas with their dad, I thought oh good I can devote more time to her and try and get over all this crap, she comes and all I can think is when can she leave?
Believe it or not dh didn't get mad over the list, he was very calm--so to speak. I can't get him to talk to me at all about anything now. He doesn't understand why I am still upset with the fact that 1) SD Bio grandfather is a registered sex offender and in Jan she was playing with my ds's penis. I have to keep one of them in my sights at all time because of that. I don't trust her with any of my children because of that.
Fabumom, what you said makes sense and I will definatly take all of that and use it. I am so going to get that book too! Thank you so so much.
I know how you feel! My DH's
I know how you feel! My DH's SD is a very odd child. Even DH has said so himself. The zombie like thing, very detached. My aunt even asked me what was wrong with her! My aunt has worked with children through CSD in Oregon. She told me she though SD has RAD (reactive detachment disorder.) When we first get the skids on Thurs she barely even looks at me, won't hug me and gives me short one word answers. She has a somber look on her face, DH even jokes and calls her Wednesday, and is always "trying to cheer her up." Her moodiness has destroyed dinners, playing, out at parks, whatever. She controls her Dad's every move with her moods. She is 7. Whenever she meets anyone new she doesn't say a word and just hides behind her Dad. He says it is because she is shy, which is a load of crap, it's way more then that. When she does finally warm up to me, she is weird about it and makes really inappropriate comments, like how she thinks I am hot!? She is always staring at me. And frankly I don't like her alone with my baby. She wants to pick him up and hold him, and touch him all the time. I want them to have a bond, I just don't know why she is such a weird little girl. So I can empathize with you. I think Fabumom is right, post here girl!