New to The Family, Have Concerns
I'm new on this forum, and in a new situation. I recently became involved with a friend of mine who i have known for a long time. She has two daughters, 12 and 6. The 12 year old already knows me, although it had been 6 years since we spoke, until recently.
My girlfriend spoke with the children about me and they were very excited to learn that we were together and couldn't wait to meet me. These poor girls (all 3) have dealt with an out of control alcoholic and all around jerk for a husband/step father until not long ago, and are all very excited to have someone new in their lives who treats them well.
My concern is that the girls (mother included) are all TOO excited and want to move things too fast. I spoke with the daughters about my concern in this regards and their reaction was 'well shouldn't we be happy?' Yes, they should be of course, I just don't want to let them down! lol
My main concern on the above is for the biological father (not the previous step dad). The youngest has already referred to me as dad several times, and I seem to connect with the 12 year old in a way the biological father seems not to be able to make a connection. I am afraid I may inadvertently take something away from the biological dad. He is a great guy, and a good father, and i know they love him, however he missed the early years of the older girl and doesn't seem to know how to connect with her at her maturity level. She has told me how nice it is to have a father figure in her life who knows how to be her friend, yet be a caring adult and affectionate as well.
Their Biological father expressed to me his thanks for treating the girls well and that he is glad to have me as part of their lives, but i fear I may provide too much that their father doesn't, and i really don't want to put a rift between them... he is a good guy and he deserves the love and attention of his children. I am glad i can make them happy, i just don't want to create new issues for the biological father in doing so.
Anyone have any advice on this situation? Thank you all in advance! This is a great website, and I'm glad to have looked it up.
-Greg
You already are a great
You already are a great fatherly figure for these girl and it makes me happy for them. I'm sure they are supposed to see their dad on visitation days, right? Well that is a great time for these girls to spend quality time with their bio dad. So they are actually getting the best of both worlds a great bio dad and a great step dad. As long as the girls are spending quality time with bio dad, then all should be good. Keep up the great job!
Thank you... it means a lot
Thank you... it means a lot to me to read such a response and i hope that i have the power to continue to be a good figure in their lives. Yes, they spend 3 days a week with dad, and he is a damn good guy too. The older daughter used to text message me a lot even when visiting her dad, but when i told her my concerns she understood and took away that concern immediately... they are smart and understanding/caring girls... got to credit mom and dad for that!
Sounds like you have an
Sounds like you have an ideal situation. No one is fighting or causing problems. If you love their mother, why wait? You have been given a gift of a loving partner with loving children. You are blessed. So be a blessing to them and make it permanent.
Take Care