Is it worth going to court over?
I will try to make this brief,
DH has visitation every other weekend, kids live about 3 hours away, he pick up kids on Friday, she come to get them on Sunday.
Its getting hard for my DH to p/u on time which is 6pm when he works at least until 5pm, most of the time he has to sneak out to get them, she has the freedom of a simply Sunday drive not interrupting her work schedule. BTW, she is the one that moved away w/kids.
If its his weekend and they have no school on Monday or the Friday, she will not let him have them.
She will not communicate and issues with him, she will not allow any co-parenting.... Yes, he let her have full custody, but they are still his kids too, and he pays his child support and has always been current. He loves his kids, and hates that he can't see them more. he does not get much of summer either. He had a bad lawyer during his divorce, so he really got the shaft, should have gotten more, but I think like he said, he gave up and gave in.
The problem is the oldest 13 is failing in some grades at school, she won't do anything about it, says that she has to work and can't go to the school and check on it. Won't discuss any issues about dr. appts, dentist, nothing.... only hands DH a receipt so she will get her half back.
I feel bad for him, cause he tries so hard, and she won't have the kids call, they hardly call. and when he calls he has to leave a msg, and may get a call back a few days later, she claims they are busy. but yet when they are here with us, she calls all the time and we let them talk to her.
My DH has tried to talk to her and discuss things, but she does not say anything, no input NO NOTHING!! like talking to a wall.
I have talked to her, and she is hard to deal with, she wants to know all that goes on in our home, but won't share a thing in hers.
WTF.... is it far for her to just sit back and collect her over paid CS, and not let my DH have any say in the well being for "Their" children.... I think the Whole Full custody thing is blown way out of proportion.
Anyway, I suggested to my DH to go to court of this. If he loses his job over leaving early every Friday, how is she going to get CS then?
Would love any reply.
one last think the 13year old a few month ago told his bio he wanted to live with his dad. she was upset about it, and I think that is why he does not get into trouble for anything, wants him to be happy and dad to be bad guy, so she won't lose any income....sad huh!
Hmm how long have you been
Hmm how long have you been with Dh? How long has he been divorced? How old is the Final Order stating visitation ect.
Full custody means full custody. She does not have to talk to him about anything. It sucks but that is the way it goes. I don't know if going to court would solve any of this. They generally take the side of the BM, and Dh can not use the "my lawyer sucked" card because it just does not work. They also really don't like to change final orders unless something big comes up. If SD13 got kicked out of school then maybe they would justify HEARING the case but that doesn't mean anything would happen.
Good luck. Being a Step is one of the hardest things you can do, especailly when all you can do is watch whats going on.
We have been married for 2
We have been married for 2 years, about the same for his divorce. He is not wanting custody, only to change his visitation due to conflict of time, and he wants more time. Also, the fact he tries to play a active part in there lives, but she will not keep him informed of anything, he has contact the kids schools via email, and most of them still have not responded to him. He wanted the oldest to get some counceling and had it arranged for her to take him, she finally did, but refused to tell him anything about it. "said" is confidental...what a joke, he was the one concerned. Anyway. If the courts expects him to pay CS and half of uncovered medical, then the least that they could do is EXPECT her to keep him informed of child related issues, after all she did not have the kids all by herself, But I do hear what your saying....But not always the case. I will finish explaining in next post down.
I disagree. I think that in
I disagree. I think that in the current court systems, it is looked down upon when bm won't let fathers have information regarding the child and make visitation difficult. I would take her to court over this issue. Courts don't like men who don't pay CS and women who make it difficult for visitation if the father is a fit parent.
Umm the BM in may case
Umm the BM in may case abandoned her daughter, with her parents, refused to let Dh see her, then moved five hours away to live with a new boyfriend. They have joint custody still. But dh only sees Sd everyother weekend now even though shes back in town living with her grandparents.
What I have learnt about the courts is just because something seems reasonable does not mean the judge will agree. This guy lost custody. Unless Bm starts sharing needles with her daughter then he's probably not going to get it back no matter how much money they spend.
However if you guys can open an actual dialogue with this woman, even if it has to be emails or letters, and she agrees to joint custody then you could have it finalized in court. Maybe the son will help her see how much bm is hurting her kids with this.
I also disagree.... reason
I also disagree.... reason being is I was previously married, and my ex had full custody of his two children. She took him to court at least twice a year, over the entire course of our marriage, cause she wanted them only because she had to pay CS and she wanted the money for herself. My point is, she complained about my ex not keeping her informed of the kids school stuff and he was found in contempt of court and was told that he MUST keep her informed of all school, dr. dentist,when they poop... anything regarding the kids. All in all he got to keep custody, but she got everything else she wanted lots more visitation, which was fine with me....
I guess, I am seeing both sides to this game.... it really does suck, and being a step parent if hard on all involved.
I think it is worth going to court over....
OH, yea... She also keeps the speaker phone on while the kids talk, and if he says something she does not agree with she hangs up.
nice
I think that is what she
I think that is what she wants him out of the picture and she thought he would be by moving so far away. I guess I can see why there are dead beats, I guess they just throw in the towel and the only ones that really suffer from this is the children.
Rosa, if your DH wants to
Rosa, if your DH wants to better the situation he's going have to take legal recourse. He's tried everything else but BM has the mindset of treating him like a second class citizen with a fat pocketbook. BM isn't changing and won't. Possibly a mediator could help her understand then they could come to an agreement on things. On the stuff they don't agree with they take to court and let the judge decide.
Now, I'm assuming DH has joint legal custody. If he does, then he's allowed to have access to school records and med records. BM is mandated to keep him informed. DH can go over her head and touch base with the school. Med appointments and updates pertaining will be tougher. If he doesn't have legal custody he has a whole lot of court time ahead. Sorry to say hon.
Does he want to persue this?
He does not share in
He does not share in custody, only has typical visitation. He tries very hard to be more part of there life, she moved three hours away, so its very hard for him to attend during the week school functions if at all. He has to work so she can collect CS. Anyway, He is trying to help, meaning what ever she is doing is not working for her, and she does not want to be told what she is doing wrong. The Oldest SS is literally failing in school and she does nothing. He would like yes to see his children come and live with him, and they both say they wish they did, without asking them if that is what they want. They never want to leave. She will not give him 1 min. more that is court ordered for her to give..... How selfish can one be?
I pray it never happens. They live with us that is.
Okay. I'm trying to ignore
Okay. I'm trying to ignore that last comment because any parent should do right by their kid and if that means it might encroach on your life then you going have to accept that. You know you married a man with children, right?
I'm not saying your some dreadful person for thinking that way. Many of us on here can relate..hence this site would have never been created in some respects but really? You witness your DH suffering over not being able to be in his kids lives, one child in particular is struggling in school and is reaching out to you for help. You haven't mentioned they are hellions so I really don't understand. Enlighten me?
Well, maybe the last comment
Well, maybe the last comment was not all that nice, sorry if it offended you, however, Its very hard to say all that is going on around here without telling the entire story. Way to much info for this site.
My DH does try... I give him credit for that, and encourage him. However, I can't fix his kids, and right now they have to many issues. I am sure that the divorce and how there parents treated each other is a big factor in the way they behave.
I have raised someones children before, and its very hard, I just don't prefer to do it again, that is all I am saying.....
I would not say they are hellions.... just don't act happy or excited about anything. I try my best to do things for them when they are with us, and end up with my feelings hurt. My DH see's this, but I guess that is his downfall he won't talk to them about it, but yet he wants to be more part of there life, I am starting to think its out of guilt......
Oh Rosa, no offense taken I
Oh Rosa, no offense taken I was just a little confused by what you said and also stating what is nessesary to accept being with a man with children. I don't think there's going to be anybody that's going to say its easy raising other people's kids. It's hard enough to raise your own LOL.
Well, may I suggest family counseling for all of you. Maybe just you two at first then join the kids in later. It seems like they might be suffering from some sort of depression. Perhaps look into a school counselor for help. There school programs to help kids adjust with life changes. They are ususally free.
From couseling you both will learn what to expect from each other and make the best decision for you guys and the kids
As far as BM, if DH has legal joint custody (which most parents do) then he is allowed to access all records and be kept informed otherwise BM is in contempt of court. He is ALLOWED go over her head by any means necessary, short of criminal of course, to be included in those things. Visitation is a different story. That will take some serious legal finess.
Good luck
Do you want them to live
Do you want them to live with you or not?I don't know, where I live even if BM has full custody (which is the case now, but we are going to courtfor shared...) DH still has to be consulted for everything...if she wants him to see a doctor, shrink, anything...DH has to agree...DH wanted to agree with her out of court, but she is not reliable, so we wioll pay the big bucks to get everything in writting...dont know if its worth it...but if the mom is a pain...i still think id rather have things decided by a court (since she is not willing to compromise...)good luck to you
I prefer them not live with
I prefer them not live with us, although they would probably be different kids if they did. They are very depressing to be around. No eye contact, can't respond when spoken to. and you have to repeat everything you say to them. I don't understand why they would want to live with us like they say. I don't know.... I have such mixed feeling with all of this. I am cringing right now, cause they will be here this weekend. My DH always wants me to go with him to pick them up. I think I am going to have to decline on going this trip. The bio and I actually get along, but she is just weird. I think she is a few sandwiches shy of a picnic. and yes I live in a very much mommy state. Why don't the courts give the Father more, I think parents that get divorced with children it should always be 50/50 custody no question about it, unless one of the parents has violence, drugs or other issues that are bad. I think both should have a say in the childs education, and medical and anything regarding the kids. I think the courts let the Bio Mother have way to much control and it goes to there head. Not all are like that, but in my case yes.
I do have my own BD14 full time, her BD is a dead beat and lives far far away. I have no problem if he wants to contact her, and he does once in a while. Thats a new topic all by itself.
I dont know where you live
I dont know where you live but here it is standard in divorce and custody papers that the legal custody is 50/50, so the person without physical custody does have a say in the childs education, medical, religious.. etc.
it is also standard that it says either parent who knows of illness, accident or any other circumstance affecting the childs health or general welfare notify the other parent promptly. and that each parent is entitled to complete reports and information from drs. schools anyone that has seen the kids... if yours says anyting like that hold her in contempt. If she just hands a reciept and says to pay it, dont.. and if she takes you to court say its because you dont even know what is wrong with the kids and going to court is the only way for you to find out. Alot of judges do not look favorably on a BM who will not let the dad in the lives of the kids.. write down every time you tried to get info and she refused.. keep track for a few months and then take her to court.. then you can cover the pick up and drop off.. and try to be as reasonable as possible.. you could even do a 1/2 way point for both.. that way its not just him leaving his job, and its only 1/2 the time.The more she fights the reasonable stuff the worse she is gonna look.
How old are the kids? if they want to live with their dad they could tell a judge that.. BM is not letting them have a relationship with their father.. again with enough ammo a judge would not look kindly to her.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your replys, its nice to have a place to vent and express ones feelings... whether it be good or bad....
For now on this issue, I am going to leave it up to my DH, I need to just disconnect from it and let it be there problem. I will only help if its asked of me.
I just don't want a repeat of my last marriage.... cause I really love this one!
Thanks again for your help and comments.