Is it weird that she’s never met his DD12!?
I have a GF who met a nice fellow about 10mnths ago, he is someone she knew over 20yrs ago through her first professional job but had absolutely no contact with over the last couple of decades, they both went on to marry other people in that time & she has had 3kids & he had 1. She has been divorced ever since I’ve known her – which is 7yrs & apparently he has been divorced for about 2yrs. Needless to say, they seem to believe this reconnection is fate or God or both, I just think it’s social media but I am very happy that she’s so happy. She has been one of these people who was very cautious about who she brings into her children’s lives & I have mad respect for that.
Anyway, he has met her kids many times now & spent a bunch of time visiting at her house, sometimes altogether & sometimes just with her (when they’re at their BD’s). My question is this: Is it weird that she’s never met his DD12!? She’s the same age as my GF’s DD – who is the youngest of her 3. I know 10mnths is a short passage of time in the grand scheme of our lives on earth but even though they’re wanting to take things slowly, it just seems odd, is it just me? I don’t know how they can be declaring their love for each other & planning their life together when she hasn’t even met his kid. Not that any of their children, hers or his, need to approve of the relationship but it’s like walking into a situation half blind because you don’t have a clear picture.
She doesn’t seem too bothered by this (or interested in meeting the DD), so I’m certainly not going to let it bother me either, I just find it curious was wondering what others thought! I guess it’s refreshing, these days, that they’re not rushing things.
Do I think it’s odd she hasn
Do I think it’s odd she hasn’t met his DD in 10 months? No. Do I think it’s odd they’re planning their lives together despite her not yet meeting his DD? Sort of, yes.
DH & I took our time introducing the kids & I. I think I met them within a year as a ‘friend’, then slowly started spending more time together which naturally evolved into them understanding their dad & I were together.
We had talked about our future before meeting the kids, but I can’t say we were planning a life together at that point yet, which is what I find a bit odd about your friend. I can’t imagine having planned a life with DH, only to meet his kids & have his ex go crazy, or find a huge personality clash between me & the boys, or simply decide that I didn’t want to deal with any of it & back out after all our dreaming of what would be.
I’ve always been cautious with relationships though, my heart jumps in a lot faster than my mind but my mind still has a say about how I approach things.
I hope your friend & her BF do the introductions before they get too deep. It does seem a bit odd that he’s met her kids so many times but she’s yet to meet his. Makes me wonder what he’s hiding & not wanting your friend to see. She seems equally as happy to have the blinders on though, could be a recipe for disaster. I hope it goes well for her!
it’s like walking into a
it’s like walking into a situation half blind because you don’t have a clear picture
That's exactly what it is. Considering that he spends time with her kids and one of them is his daughter's age, it is a little odd.
As we know, step situations can tear people apart. I would want to meet this girl, I would want to know the father/daughter dynamic. I would want to know why I haven't met her, yet. I mean, his daughter is a big part of his life (presumably), being a father is part of who he is and she has no idea who he is, in that respect.
What does your friend know? Is his daughter in his life? What, exactly, is his situation?
This is my thinking too, I'd
This is my thinking too, I'd be curious to know the dynamic between the two, not to just hear it from his POV but see it with my own eyes. I'd want to get a feel for what it's like to spend time together as a threesome & then, eventually, how all the children interact with each other. I met my SO's kiddies after about 6mnths of dating, I really wanted to see what he was like as a partner before then wanting to see what he was like as a father, both things were important. From his perspective, he wanted to be as sure as he could be that we were going to go the distance - he hadn't introduced a SO to his kids in a long time. Everyone is different, though, so she needs to do what she thinks is best. I just want to be a voice of reason in the fairytale she's busy writing.
I think a little wierd
But everyone has to find their own path. I suspect they are talking about a life together, not yet planning one. IMHO, that is good, to get an idea of how each other handle things before you put down money on a house, have kids change schools, etc.
My guess is that he is
My guess is that he is actually worried about the grief his ex will put him through!! They are way more recently divorced (or seperated, who knows for sure?!) so he very well might be scared of how she will react and the trouble she might cause for him!!
He might
still be married.
Yes, it is very weird. I know
Yes, it is very weird. I know some people think it's only 10 months but to me 10 months is a LONG time.
You either have a guilty daddy afraid of BM and SD.....or he is lying about something.
OR he knows his ex is bat $&@
OR he knows his ex is bat $&@? crazy and doesn’t want her to mess up his new relationship.
That was what my DH did.... and honestly after seeing how nuts she was, I wish he would have either warned me WAY in advance or kept me a secret longer, Lol.
I am sure (especially after being ok to meet her kids) that it isn’t that he wants to “be sure” or what have you- there is some sort of weird situation with the ex. Either she is nuts, or they haven’t been split as long as he is claiming- Or both.
My exH dated a woman for over
My exH dated a woman for over 5 years and never introduced our kids to her or anyone in his family. His brother ran into them once at a restaurant and my exH was a total ass. He didn't introduce his brother and his wife to the woman. BIL introduced himself!
She had a daughter who exH met and they all spent time together.
The reason he didn't introduce her was because of a misogynistic patriarchal cult he was involved in. In the cult, there are long term relationships (they are real, long lasting and men have to be able to live without sex because women use sex as a weapon) and short term relationships (they can be long but are only for sex, if she wants more too bad, as long as she is willing to have sex you can keep seeing her until you meet your true love).
You never introduce short termers to family. That is saved for long termers, it's one of the ways to know if you want a long term relationship or not. This poor woman had no idea she was just a long term sex partner. I felt sad for her for a bit but she's an adult and if she was getting enough only seeing him on his terms, well then that's up to her.
DH met my kids after a month or 2 of dating and I met his around the same time. Our kids were all young to mid teens. I don't even remember it being a big thing, it just flowed easily.
Quid pro quo is in order here
Quid pro quo is in order here. She needs to lock down any contact with this guy until he reciprocates in introducing his prior relationship spawn to your friend and her children... and.... maintain progressingly engaged interface.
He can't be all in if he is is keeping this huge part of his life separate from the relationship.