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Feeling uncomfortable

JBDmom's picture

My SD 4 is taking antibiotics for not her first but second UTI infection with in the past couple months. She refuses to wipe herself at all when using the restroom so when my BF is here he cleans her, but when it’s just me she just doesn’t clean herself up at all. He insists that she needs help doing it, but I’ve shown her how and made sure she knows how to do it ever since I potty trained her. She just doesn’t like to do it herself. As her step mom I’m not comfortable wiping her when she can do it by herself. She’s definitely old enough and capable of doing it but she’s just lazy. I’m getting told that I’m the reason she gets them because I don’t just wipe her. In my opinion continuing to do it for her is never gonna teach her. Has anyone else had this kind of problem? Really just trying to show your SO that they can’t coddle they’re child for they’re entire life’s? 


sunshinex's picture

When my SD was 4 and too old, in my opinion, to be wiped/cleaned up after peeing/pooping herself and I insisted she needs to be expected to do it herself but DH kept doing it, I expressed to him that I was uncomfortable doing it as a stepmom but that didn't go anywhere. I told him many times I wouldn't be watching her alone because of it but he had trouble affording childcare consistently. So when I did have her and she had an accident but refused to clean herself up, I threw her in the shower. 

Like, literally, she would be freaking out and crying, but I'd say "sorry, SD, if you won't wipe/clean up, you'll have to shower." and if she tried to get out, I'd put her back in. 

sunshinex's picture

I will say, my husband has gotten WAY better about coddling and respecting my opinions since then. It's been a long road but when she was around 5 years old, we broke up and both worked on ourselves for a few months, got back together and got married and have been happy ever since Smile

tog redux's picture

Well, if you aren't comfortable doing it (and I agree), but he blames you for her UTIs, then there is one obvious solution - don't ever be alone with her. He can find a daycare who will wipe her butt for her (there aren't any) - or he can send her to grandma's or something.

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

In my state, your child would still be in the 2 year old room in daycare because all 3 year olds are required to be potty trained. There’s no wiping their butts for them. If she’s going to kindergarten next school term he needs to make sure she can do it herself because I GUARANTEE the teachers aren’t going to wipe for her and the kids are going to pick on her for smelling like poo. Hes setting her up for failure. 

ndc's picture

There's no reason she can't be taught to wipe herself.  My SD just turned 4, and she's been wiping totally by herself for at least 6 months, and she's been wiping #1 on her own since before she turned 3.  If your BF continues to do it for her, there's no reason for her to learn on her own, and it'll be a problem once she goes to school, because no teacher is going to be wiping her there.  I'd just tell him you're not comfortable doing it and he needs to get her to the point where she can do it on her own.


Monkeysee's picture

No way would I be wiping for a 4 year old, especially one that isn’t mine. If your DH wants to blame someone for his DD’s UTI’s he can blame himself for not expecting her to wipe herself at this age. There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed with skids, and that’s one of them.