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I'm DH's excuse to change plans

bertieb's picture

SS calls the other night and says grandkids want to see grandad for his birthday, and do we want to go over to the steak restaurant about 30 minutes away. I hear DH tell him that he will ask me what I want to do and let him know. Then he comes to me and tells me he doesn't want to go there, he wants to go to another restaurant closer. I said, "Ok, but now SS will think I shot down his request to go to the steakhouse instead of his dad. DH got annoyed with me for seeing it that way, but aren't I right? Isn't it hard enough to appear to be accomodating to your stepkids without your DH using you as an excuse?

On a lighter note, I think,  while we were there our ages came up and nobody realized I was 2 years older than DH. MIL says, "Oh, that works out then because the man usually dies first!" Now, she is 87 and great to me so I took it with a laugh; she also asked her great granddaughter who just got new glasses if the kids at school called her "four eyes"

Aniki's picture

Why didn't your DH tell his kids he wanted to go to the other restaurant??? THAT is what he should have done.  But, yes, what he said makes it look like the decision rests on your shoulders. :/

ndc's picture

Your husband is a coward. Why can't he tell his son HE doesn't want to go to that restaurant? You are right - the SS will think YOU shot down the restaurant. And these bioparents wonder why skid relationships with the stepparents aren't a bed of roses.

SM12's picture

My DH did that to me early on.  He had no clue that he had a major part in his kids hating me because I was his scapegoat.   They would ask to have friends stay and he would tell them he has to ask me first when he never had any intentions on saying yes.   At one point I had told him to limit the Xbox on the main TV for OSS because he was hogging the tv all day and there were four other people who would like to use it.  DH made a point to throw me under the bus on that one too.   I know I requested it but it was just common courtesy for the rest of the house.  

After i pointed out how DH was making me the bad guy, he got defensive but eventually saw things from my perspective 

Iamwoman's picture

This was my DH early on too.

I started throwing him under the bus with skids whenever he threw me under the bus.

DH: "Sorry SS, SM doesn't want to eat at that restaurant. Sorry buddy."

SM (in front of skid): "Don't you blame this on me! I was perfectly happy to eat there. Take responsibility for your own choices and stop trying to make your children hate me!"

Do this enough, and eventually he will stop being such a coward. DH is banking on you being a willing scapegoat. Don't be.

ITB2012's picture

DH did this to me. He knows better now. Hell, even BM and XH tried to use me as a reason the skids/kid couldn't do something...without even telling me. I found out after the fact after the children were upset at me. At least they realized when there was a blank look on my face that I had no idea about whatever it was they were told.

Rags's picture

Your MIL is a toxic Harpy. smh

And, your DH is a ball-less wonder.  smh ,, again.

You are exactly right. No more using you as his go to blame...ee with his rude spawn.  DH made the plans and invited the SKids and their spawn.  They attend or not.  Tough shit if the GSkids don't like DH's choice of restaurants.