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I'm becoming unhinged lol

Rainydaze777's picture

Hi! I posted a little while ago we decided to postpone our wedding.

If you didn't see my other post- long story short.

Engaged to a man with a 12 year old daughter, haven't met her, she's not been in his life in about 7 years and he didn't live in the same city as the daughter or BM- now he does. He told me before he wasn't going to make a big deal of things and fight with the BM and go to court etc- he said he didn't want to disrupt his daughters life. Well forgot that.... he slipped in conversation earlier today talking about taking his ex to court so he can see his daughter. One of the prerequisites of me being involved in this relationship was that there not be any messy court custody dramas with his ex. I have no kids.

I wasn't sure how things would go, so I broke things off, then we decided to just postpone the wedding ( well I decided to) 

Anyway- I've become increasingly unhinged everytime he brings up the daughter or the ex- we just had a conversation on the phone and he accidentally called his sister by the BM name in our conversation- I became unglued and said that it's gross, unattractive and a turn off whenever he talks about his ex- then I ended the call. Lol

I guess I don't even know why I'm writing this- I'm just not sure I can continue with this, and Im sure it sucks for him dealing with me becoming increasingly crazy.

Ugh- The thing is that the kid, the BM and the custody drama turns me off so much, that I'm starting to fall out of love with him- and I wouldn't be surprised if my attitude is slowly making him fall out of love with me. I'm pretty sure this isn't going to work out in the long run- I have a feeling it'll be a long drawn out thing. I think I should just step back and back off even more than I am and maybe take steps to get used to the thought of living my life without him in it.

Survivingstephell's picture

Go cold turkey,  don't drag it out, its more painful in the long run compared to just ending it and getting over it now.  Batshit crazy BM's drag it out.  Adults end it and move on.   Be the adult.

Rainydaze777's picture

Yeeeeees- I think he's over her, but that they're still entwined in emotional drama and she's obviously on his mind if he's mixing her name up.


Harry's picture

You can get SD 24/7 . If you are not prepared for that leave 

Rainydaze777's picture

Update- I have left now.

I ended things before and we agreed to just postpone the wedding instead.

But, I just can't do it- I hate to admit it but I feel kinda relieved- this whole situation was doing my head in.

Also, him and one of his family members  have fought with the ex wife over custody of the kid for the last decade- I secretly think all of them like the drama.

fairyo's picture

I remember your previous posts. It is refreshing to find someone who doesn't get dragged into the drama and makes a sensible decision to get out and start over. Well done! I hope you move forward and learn from this when the next man comes along, and what a lucky guy he will be. Learn from this and go into future relationships with your eyes wide open. Iwish you well.

Rainydaze777's picture

Trust me, I haven't been as calm as I sound this whole time lol

Ive been an unhinged psycho who loses my temper seemingly out of nowhere.

I have asked him repeatedly NOT to talk to me about his ex wife - anything about her- no stories, no isssues, no custody problems- just nothing- never, don't bring her up- I ask this because for some reason I become a completely irrational person-

Everything is fine until he brings her- AGAIN- then I try to let it go, but surely as the day goes on I'll dwell and lose my grip. Then he calls me crazy and hangs up on me- and he's right, I do act crazy- you'd think he'd stop bringing her up in conversation because he knows what's going to happen.

I get that he just probably wants to talk to me about what's going on in his life- but unfortunately that's a topic I want nothing to do with.

Rainydaze777's picture

He doesn't seem to understand that when he talks about his ex or his custody issues- that it disgusts me- I actually find it repulsive to hear about.

Coco72's picture

This is how I feel, DH tells me things and it makes me loose respect for him, how could you be with such a horrid person? This was not a one night stand that ended in a pregnancy, you married this troll (that is what I call her), had a child with her, and exposed her to your other children.....for 12 years!!! 

My go to line is "you picked her", every time he complains about something she is doing and wants sympathy I remind him of this, he says it hurts his feelings, but seriously dude.....she is and always has been a nasty, abusive, troll!!

Rainydaze777's picture

That's how I feel- he married the pig and it disgusts me. I get really annoyed because I think to myself " then maybe you should've thought twice about marrying her and having a kid with her- now you're f ing stuck with and expect me to just be happy to listen to it" how are we supposed to move on with our life and be married and happy when his old life is NEVER going away. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore because I don't want to think things like that about my future husband- it also makes me lose respect for him and it made me start to fall out of love with him too.


fairyo's picture

He is doing it on purpose because he knows he'll get you wound up. Don't bite on that bullet. If the wedding is cancelled- go and live your life without him in it! He's playing you like a fiddle.

Rainydaze777's picture

I was wondering if he does it on purpose too.

Who in their right mind would bring up a subject that they know is going to send another person into an unhinged tirade lol

I am going to go my own way- I think I'm still just posting because I need to get all of this out- if I don't post here- I'm afraid that I'll text him a bunch of crazy texts- better to be crazy here with people who understand somewhat

Survivingstephell's picture

The first 3 days are the hardest, get thru those here with kindered souls and then the rest of the week should go smoother.  


Rainydaze777's picture

That's what I was thinking- if I just post on here and stay away from my phone it'l be easier. Thank you for your support.

I have a new book, some groceries for cooking and Im looking at places to take a trip and maybe teach English abroad for a few months- or move to a new city and transfer university to there and just kinda start new. And if I don't do any of those things- it comforts me knowing I can if I want to- that my life isn't ending lol

sportslover's picture

I remember your posts.  Congrats on getting out!  Yes, book a trip or do something spontaneous like  a roadtrip to anywhere- simply because-  wait  for it....YOU CAN!!

He can't, and never really will be able to. I too found those thoughts comforting...and it' even better when you actually GO and you're out there having grand fun in this bg wide world, and you realize he is stlll stuck there (mentally and physically), and that he always will be. Still makes me giddy.  Highly and I mean HIGHLY recommend it:)