The ignoring behavior
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Does anybody have any advice for dealing with the ignoring behavior? My FSD5 when she is irritable will simply not answer me when I am speaking to her. This is a huge pet peeve for me! I will say "FSD5, what's wrong?" and she'll just sit there looking down not speaking to me. Or "FSD5, how are you today?" and if she doesn't feel like speaking to me, she'll simply ignore me. What is the best way to deal with this type of behavior?
Get down on her level, like
Get down on her level, like on your knees so you are eye level with her. Stay calm and say, FSD5, I am speaking to you and I expect you to answer me back. If she doesn't send her to her to a 5 minute time out and ask her again, she will get it. I learned the eye level trick when my daughter was little, it really helps. Good Luck!
I don't know... at 5? It's a
I don't know... at 5? It's a heck of a lot better than a tantrum, honestly. I wouldn't do anything about it to be honest. She's 5, she doesn't really have the verbal capacity yet to say, "I'm feeling out of sorts and I'd like some time to myself, please." This is really about all she can do.
What you should do is simply say, "Well, I see that you need some quiet time. You can come find me when you're ready for company." And then ignore her right back.
If you REALLY want her to talk when she's not ready, maybe give her a "safe word" when she's not in that mood. When she's friendly and talkative, say, "I know sometimes you don't feel like talking, and that's OK, but I don't like feeling ignored either. How about, if you feel like just being quiet for a while and not talking, you say 'Blue' if I try to talk to you?"
Like I said, she doesn't have the vocabulary yet to express herself very well, so giving her one word might make both of you happy.
At 5 !!!! That screams no
At 5 !!!!
That screams no one has manipulated her !!! Someone has brainwashed that poor child.
What's BM's story ???
The BM is deceased. She does
The BM is deceased. She does this to me not terribly often but mostly when she is either whiney or when she has done something she shouldn't have done. She will occassionally do this to her father as well when she is in trouble. He'll say something like "DD, why aren't you being nice right now?" And she'll just stare at him silently. He'll usually than say "DD I expect you to answer me right now, or go to your room immediately". This will typically generate a response.
Correct this behavior using
Correct this behavior using some of the good suggestions above.
Immediately.
If you don't, she will get better and better at this as she gets older and by the time she is 13 you will be in a padded cell dribbling banana mash on your straitjacket.
I spent some time earlier this week researching the psychological effects of shunning or ostracizing. Turns out they've done real studies on this and the effect on the victim are devastating and very, very real. When she's five it many not hurt much. But by the time she's honed this skill for years and her brain has developed to that of a teen, it will wear on you and wear on you and wear on you until the sudden and unexpected moment you can take it no more.
My BD6 used to do this to me.
My BD6 used to do this to me. It was when she was in her "daddy" phase, mainly on exchange morning. I let her know that it was not okay to ignore people, and that if she didn't feel like talking, to just say that she didn't feel like talking. It worked. When she would tell me that, I'd pay attention to something else and she would eventually start interacting.
I like the safe word idea
I like the safe word idea also. Just be careful with that, if she yells that word at you in an argument. I would end the conversation, but go directly to the punishment. Say if you were telling her she needs to clean her room and she yells BLUE and slams the door. You'd open the door, give her a time out or whatever punishment you'd give for not cleaning her room, and NEVER talk to her during this time. She asked for silence and you gave it, but still didn't let her get away with bad behavior.
See what I mean?