I have a VENT-Abusing SK's

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VENT-I am horrified at some of the things I am seeing on some posts. Hitting kids, manipulating husbands into punishing kids, throwing crumbs from kitchen floors into kids beds. And, what horrifies me even more is the number of people who are getting off and taking pleasure in the sharing of the stories. Why would you laugh at these displays of obvious inappropriateness and abuse by another adult? Are you trying to make friends, or really as sick as you appear?

Yeah, having a SK is frustrating, annoying, aggravating, hard etc., but abusing them because you can't get a grip on your emotions IS UNACCEPTABLE!

Venting is one thing, acting out emotionally or physically with the hate you have in your heart to ANY child-I don't care if it IS the spawn of Satan, IS NOT.

Don't tell me anything about not understanding either. I have a SS who did some pretty crazy things, but I'd never stoop down to being a friggin abuser to deal with him.

Go ahead and abuse me about this, I'd rather you pick on me than the poor helpless kid.

Yeah, I suspect much is made

Yeah, I suspect much is made up, but some things are crazy to even be thinking about. I got upset by something here this morning, and maybe it was just hormones, but I felt like there are people who really come here looking for advice and to see some of the craziness posted might make them feel justified to abuse their SK.

I do have to say that I know that it usually is acted on pretty quickly and most of the good people jump right on it. I also know a lot here have great advice to share. I just wish they'd weed out the sick ones, because I would hate to think someone came here for serious advice, saw one of the psychotic posts and felt redeemed in their actions because of it.

I don't want to offend the many people here that are truly caring, knowledgeable and looking for advice. It is not directed at them in any way.

I agree. What first hit me

I agree. What first hit me when I found this board was the number of supposedly grown adult who hate a child for being a child. I get the ones who have legitimate fear of the skids that make false allegations, intentionally harm the other kids; but to hate a child because she wants her parents attention or she doesn't do her chores right??? I just don't get it.

But the majority of parents on here are good sparents just trying to make it all work. Venting here often allows us to be calmer in dealing with the skids and SOs in real life.

I am one of the SP's who came

I am one of the SP's who came here looking for advice because of a false accusation. I have to say that it was the ONLY place where people were able to connect, understand, support and advise me in my situation.

I totally get the venting and the feelings! To say I never felt upset with my SS would be a lie, but I did sit back and remind myself that he is a child; an innocent child that has been corrupted by the BM.

Like you, the thing that upsets me is exactly the things you have mentioned, " to hate a child because she wants her parents attention or she doesn't do her chores right". To seriously DO negative things that just release frustrations out on the child is just unjustified, and in my book-abusive.

To come here and express that you FEEL like doing things and that you are looking for advice is different than coming here sharing and bragging about doing them for others to see and laugh at.

I get the vents and confusion, the frustration and the needing advice. We weren't given a SP manual. I just can't stand people researching spanking kids when clearly they have so many other issues they COULD research to avoid spanking. I don't get throwing crumbs into a kids bed, I don't get telling a husband to stop giving a child so much attention, because, "I'm here now, and it makes me jealous!".

Is it ok to say you FEEL this way-I'd say, yeah, as long as you recognize it's not ok to DO.

Sorry if I offended any of you, I really am feeling strongly about this and not doing things selfishly to get the results wanted. I do hope most of it "isn't real", but to even post it and make others who need advice think it is is pretty sick!

Again, I get the venting. The

Again, I get the venting. The difference is, you are not justifying abusing the kids. You are venting.

You obviously have LOTS of reasons to vent, and LOTS of decisions to make, as well as a multitude of stressors .

I have had to make some really hard decisions myself, and I think that knowing what we need to do is probably harder than dealing with the SK's acts of aggression. It isn't FAIR! However, as far as I can tell, you haven't taken to lashing out at the SK's for the trouble they have caused and the decisions you are forced to make just because it isn't.

Please don't confuse what I said. I'm not at all saying not to vent, I'm saying don't put abuse on display and justify it by using the DH, SO, SK, or BM's actions as an excuse for ACTING out your feelings. I am all for THINKING out what you need to do. Hell, if I could, I'd give every stepparent here an award for putting so much time, life, and effort into even dealing with it and trying to figure it all out!

I think almost every step

I think almost every step parents want to get along with their stepkids. If we don't have this desire (getting along with everyone), we really don't have to marry a man or a woman with kids from previous marriage in the first place. Most of us do have a heart, we are not evil.

But step parenting is not an easy job. I saw some posters call their step daughter little bitch, I cannot imagine if these kind of people are able to control their anger impulse in real life. Real life or cyber space, calling a minor kid "bitch" is poor taste (for lack of better description)I don't want to profile or label anybody as a child abuser. This is serious accusation carries the potential of ruining somebody's lives forever.

But most of the step parents here do have a strong desire of getting along with their step children, many of them tried, but failed miserably. Many of them lost that drive to even try. It is sad situation.

What I want to get out of participating on this site is simply connecting with other fellow step parents. Trying to find a solution to improve my situation. I think majority of the time, I do receive great advices. Even if I don't, I feel good after expressing my feelings in written words.

We are all step parents here, if we cannot accept one another, who else can?

I totally agree with you,

I totally agree with you, hypovic.
There is no one size fits all solution and each step kid, each stepmom each in law is different.

I too have problems with people who pretend to be the moral leader on line and putting everybody in their places.

I am a darn good stepmom, but I don't need to "prove" it to anybody. If I feel like spanking my stepkid, I take a deep breath, relax, go shopping, or jump in a shower. But I cannot deny these thoughts come in my mind, and I won't blame any step moms or bio moms for having these unpleasant thoughts. We are all humans. we are not responsible for other people's feelings, and I doubt we truely need a lecture.

step parenting is a learn as you go process. If one can offer constructive advices, that is acceptance. If one cannot, at least leave them alone.

Hey, we are not evil!

I really was not going to

I really was not going to respond, nor justify myself anymore in this post, BUT, let me tell you that when I wrote this, it was YOU I had in mind in every piece of it. It worries me that YOU will see things, just like the crumb post-as you said, " She was acting like a messy pig anyways." It's scary to think you might someday be in the care of a child that's in a coma! What will you do when he makes a mess, doesn't cooperate when getting dressed etc? You seem goofy-and if that makes me seem like I am holier than thou, trying to be GOD like, then so be it! But, it is REALLY scary to think you might get ideas like this in your head and act them out since you find them so humorous. Come on lady, you don't have kids, yet you're researching spanking???

Are you serious? "I don't attack and force my views. Because it is not right." See your "messy pig" message above, although I have to say that your message to a poster that if it was your SK "his ass would be grass" might just top that!!!? Kind of an attack on a child-no? Great "parenting style"! And, you would think it was humorous, because you don't actually have a child being cared for by a SP, but if it was your BC, I'd bet my car and house you wouldn't.

And finally Dear...."BUT, people on here for some reason think I want to spank/abuse my Special Needs son. Absolutely not. Never said that I would spank our Special son" HE ISN'T YOUR SON! Go research the birds and the bees.

What "friends"? Again, maybe

What "friends"? Again, maybe it's because you're goofy, but can you READ? I don't see too many people siding with me!

I'm telling you how I feel, not anyone else. You do NOT understand the term discipline, you are confusing punishment with discipline, and to top it off...YOU don't have any kids, knowledge of raising and caring them, therefore, why is it any of YOUR business????

Yes, I'll give it to the ones

Yes, I'll give it to the ones that actually ARE caring for the kids...they are "like" a parent. You aren't! My guess is that this is your way of having those ones that care jump me, but no honey, you don't compare with them.

There's a child in my class I DO take care of and adore, but guess what, I'M NOT HIS PARENT!

And, I have never been rude to you on your posts. I thought that you were a young girl in need of advice, and I was really pretty nice to you. I never once told you how STUPID I think it is to take a special needs child from the only home he's ever known, as well as parents because you are obviously too concerned with ---well, you remind me what you said about your SS manipulative?????? and him needing a spanking. I never told you how irresponsible your husband was and that now that you want to play house, he's allowing you to step in and play mommy.I never told you how if he cared and loved his kids so much, he would have left your raggedy ass home and picked his kids up did I.....well, I did now.

Those kids DON'T LOVE you, because they don't know you.

Now, you can tell me what a mean, holier than thou beatch I am. I hope you do go to court, because it should take a judge about two of your sentences to realize what an arrogant, goofy, unfit, bimbo you are being. And, if this all a joke, then you should burn in hell for posting the crap you have posted and making people think that your "parenting style" comes with ANY knowledge and experience.

righteous School is a

**righteous**
School is a GOOD thing. You should try it.

And, honey, the boys' maternal grandmother is the ONLY and best mom either of these boys has known.

It is the height of arrogance to make such an assumption of yourself.

Not irrelevant. Everyone and

Not irrelevant.

Everyone and their mother knows you AREN'T the "only and best" mother those boys have.
They HAVE a biomom, who sucks, according to you. They have you, the stepmom, who has only had limited contact with one child for no more than two years, and no contact with the other child...in however long, and then they have the mother (their grandmother) who is actually raising them.

Feeding them, bathing them, changing diapers (including still on the disabled child), etc. SHE's the one who's been mothering them SINCE BIRTH.

Instead of insisting and demanding that you are their only mother, why not accept that there are more than one woman who can be termed as such? Are you planning on taking that attitude into court with you? How do you think a judge will respond when you label yourself as the only and best mom the boys have??

SMH If you were my kid, I'd

SMH

If you were my kid, I'd have to knock some sense into you.
But since you're not, I'll just rejoice that I don't have to suffer this foolishness IRL.

You're not a child, merely

You're not a child, merely acting like one...

?? To whom are you

To whom are you speaking??

And why do YOU get to dictate who should speak and who shouldn't?
Lord knows I've read plenty about YOUR life.

Oh wow. That is probably the

Oh wow. That is probably the best thing I've read on this board all week.

Lol me too

You're right! It really is

You're right! It really is NOT my business what ANYONE else but myself my own kids, and my DH do. I apologize for offending anyone.

Clearly, it was not my place to say anything. I did not come here to argue with anyone, and it was immature of me to vent over something just because it upset me. It is everyone's option to say and DO as they please.

MommyofTwinAngels-I was rude to speak to you the way I did, and you were right that it was NONE of my business. I will refrain from stating my opinions. I did NOT come to this forum for this, and I do appreciate what everyone has offered in the way of advice.

Echo, u wanna field this one

get off ur high horse lady. we can say and do what we please...our dh's owe it to us.

these kids are evil homewreckers...so are their bm's.

You absolutely CAN say and do

You absolutely CAN say and do as you please, just as I can. Doesn't make it appropriate. I could care less about the saying, it's the DOING to a kid that's inappropriate.

I knew some people would get angry here, and I knew some people would call on others to defend their "side", but I also know that there is NO reason to lash out on a kid. As you have a right to say whatever you like and feel about the acts against the child, I have the right to say how I feel about the acts being done by the adult.

hmmm, all this time i could

hmmm, all this time i could have been putting skid's nasty shitstained underwear back in his BED for him to SMELL all the time?? Or crumbs in his bed? damn, i'm not nearly as clever as i thought.....LMAO! We don't like our skids, it is what it is. just because a child is a child does NOT MEAN I HAVE TO LOVE SAID CHILD. I do agree that child abuse is wrong, but teaching a kid a LESSON on cleaning up after him/herself I find COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE! I didn't put my clothes away as a kid, my mother threw them out my bedroom window onto the lawn! you better believe my ass picked them up off the ground then! Same lessons need to be taught to kids AND SKIDS....hell I put a dirty pan that my husband left in my oven for 3 days after he cooked on it up on his pillowcase on his side of the bed, photographed it, then texted it to him and told him he had a job waiting in bed for him when he got home, and it wasn't a BLOW JOB, LOLOLOL.....and YES, he DID wash that damn pan, i was NOT doing it. aint happened since either.....

As I've already said, I

As I've already said, I apologize for offending anyone, and it's not my business what you think, or do.

There is no reasons under the

There is no reasons under the sun can justify child abuse, no matter how frustrated a kid make you feel. Period, end of the story.
However, I as a bio parent of a three year old little boy, I have to admit there are times I thought about taking some time off taking care of my own needs because my boy can sometimes drives me insane. Have I thought about spanking my babe? Yes, out of anger, but i know I will never do it. True violence and frustration are not the same. NO matter how one tries to sugar coat it, even bio parants get frustrated with their bio kids sometimes. It is human nature.

Do people make up stories online? Yes. There are something people say, there are something people refuse to say. Sometimes, you do have to read between the lines when listening to people's stories. There are a lot of step parents in desperate situations. They have no safe places to vent their feelings, so when thoughts are put in words, these words can be very inappropriate.

Child abuse is real, but step parents are grossly misrepresented. People judge you right away after knowing you are a stepmom. They rarely give you a chance to prove that you and your stepkids get along.

I am a great stepmom and my step daughter and I have a beautiful relationship. But mother in law has tried many many times to poison her little head and turn her against me. I don't know why this evil troll does it, but I am not going to tolerate it.

Deal with our problems is all we can do. Some of the stepmoms here are very young (under 20 or in their very early 20s, I am only 26 years old), they don't know how to express their anger and frustration in a constructive way. Should anybody nail these people to the cross and keep on picking on ONE thing they said on their post? I don't think it is necessary. It is getting old real fast.

This is not a jerry springer show.

Haha!! I'm gonna adopt that

Haha!!
I'm gonna adopt that from now on... "I'm cool with her crazy."

I giggle every time I read

I giggle every time I read this comment.

Thanks for your input echo.

Actually laughing out loud, here.

I don't really comment on

I don't really comment on your posts, mostly because I feel like you can't argue with stupid. I was actually laughing. Because Echo is funny. That's all.

God, Budda, The Golden

God, Budda, The Golden Calf....all know those boys should stay where they are.

I think those boys will stay

I think those boys will stay exactly where they are. If the grandparents have an even moderately competent lawyer, FakeMommy will not be allowed into the court room since she is not a party to the case. Some basic questioning will make it very clear that it is not daddy that is pushing for this change in placement. Plus I haven't heard one thing about the change in circumstances in the BOYS lives that even give cause for the judge to hear their petition. All of their "evidence" may be unadmissible since they'll never get that far into their petition. Clearly the court is not at all concerned with the boys current placement since they gave dad a court date almost a year out + the likely delays after that....

And FakeMommy, you asked for opinions on your life when you posted it all over a public message board. Heck, I know of three court cases (two of them custody disputes) where ravings on public message boards were used to demonstrate the posters craziness and it killed them in court. There is no such thing as anonymity on the Internet.

The very fact that you posted

The very fact that you posted your personal story on a public message board -- that is what invites people to express their opinions of you based on your statements. The fact that you horrified many of the adults on this site simply caused a lot more opinions that you likely expected. I realize that you are very young and so much of your view is based on your limited life experience. What is so sad is that you still seem to have the arrogance of a teenager and seem to refuse to listen to any advice from those that have walked this path before you -- even a simple suggestion that you allow your DH to go see/pick up his sons without you was brushed aside with excuses.

Ok I read this post 3 times,

Ok I read this post 3 times, trying to figure out who part way through the first page everyone was pointing fingers at. Then I realized that the person they were pointing fingers at apparently closed their account therefore their comments were no longer there. NO wonder it was so damn confusing!