I cant seem to love my 3 year old SD
I have been with my BF now for 2 years and he had a daughter whom the mother past away during birth. When we met the daughter was living in Nigeria with my bfs aunt from birth and last year he decided he wants to bring her daughter to stay with him since he had never met her until she came. I didnt have any problem with the SD coming to stay with us. After all I didnt think it would be difficult since I'm a mother of an 11 year daughter old and there won't be any baby mama drama. Boy was I wrong .
Let me tell you the father is the problem. He cant let me do my job as a SM to this child. He judges everything and he wants things his or no way. I mean we met this child for the first time together so it's not I came and started changing their lifestyle. If anything we are the ones that had a particular lifestyle and now it's gone because everything now had to be about parenting his daughter. It's so frustrating.
When my SD came there's nothing I didnt do for her. She was in not so hygienic state when she came. I cared for her the best way I know. Took care of her still am like she was mine. But it's still kit enough for the father. When I try to teach the SD manners or discipline her he says I dont love his child. Shes is only 3 meaning I should let her get away with everything. I just cant even try because every house has rules so what's different about this 3 year old. And now this has resulted in me resenting her because I feel the father is not helping the process of me and my SD connecting. He causing the drift between us.
He so overcompensating because he was not there for last 2 years and he is realizing that he is doing disservice to his child. He says I will not tell him how to live his child. This child is so needy and so entitled now. She pess on herself daylight just sitting on the couch and when I want to discipline her by saying no cartoons for atleast a week I'm wrong. He says it's an accident. At night yea I can take that it's an accident. Not because you watching cartoons and don't wanna stand up. I mean this child lacks independence its so bad. I taught her most of the things that she now knows or does but she will want to be helped with everything. I mean even brushing here teeth. And the father will give in. To monitor it's ok but to do everything for the child even putting on slippers not even boots or sneakers. And now the sad part is she now knows what's going on. She is manipulating the situation. Now I have become the baddie or scary one because I don't let her get away with anything that is nonsense. And she will act like she is being victimised to the father. I'm just tired.
Theres just a lot going on since my SD came to stay with us and I'm miserable because its causing the unhappiness between me and the father. There'll be times where I think the father is getting it and things will be ok between us and then something will happen and we take 3 steps backs.
All I know is I'm tired of this and I'm miserable. And trully now it has come to the point where my SD annoys the heck out me. Even hearing her voice makes me sick. It's like I hate her and I don't wanna be that person that hates a child but I think I'm there. And now I'm pregnant and it's just too much for me. I just wish she never came.
I don't even like the way she will be so touchy touchy with the father. It's not appropriate. And the father doesn't see anything wrong with it. He will even take his shower in front of her or walk naked in front of her and I'm like wtf it's going on here. This is not proper. That's why she is so comfortable being touchy touchy with his dad's friends because she thinks it's ok. Which is another thing I'm always fighting about she needs to know that when we have visitors she can't interrupt the conversation or start sitting in the lounge with them. She should know that it's time to go to her room and watch tv there or colour her books or something. Dont make people uncomfortable. But the father says whoever's comes to his house they know he has a child and if they have a problem with that they should stay away. This guy's just not getting it at all.
I want out so bad but another thing is I have been dependent on my bf since I lost my job and kinda lost everything . So I'm afraid to start from scratch. And not that he has not told me to pack my stuff and leave because I can't be the mother that he wants to his child. Meaning I should spoil the child I guess. The whole thing about this situation it's just so frustrating and I don't see it changing anytime soon. My SD is growing up so you can imagine the manipulation will be on the triple and I'm going run mad. I'm miserable