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Just a Saturday night in paradise.

Journey's picture

You know why I'm angry? I'm not even sure its anger. Its more of a continual frustration. My wife and I go to church on Saturday nights. The boy wants to go skating with his friends on Saturdays so she doesn't insist he go to church with us. Fine. Whatever.

Tonight after service we go to the skating rink to pick him up and two girls who live nearby us.

I'm driving and these kids are just snots. "Screw this and screw that" and they're all touchy feelly with each other. I look at the wife and she's just ignoring it. I say you kids need to calm down, after they're biting each other or something.... wife looks at me like I'm crazy. A bit later, I look again and this time the boy and one of the girls are kissing...

I look at the wife still looking out the window being mad because I "embarrassed" her son. I look back in the rear-view and say "You guys need to stop kissing right now. I'm serious".

I've tried to disengage from this, but I have never in my life seen such complete disrespect from a child. ESPECIALLY in the presents of adults. I wanted to stop at the girls house and walk up to the father and tell him this is whats going on with your daughter. If it was my daughter behaving that way I'd want to know. I'd also want to beat the crap out of the boy and the parents of the boy who allowed this to happen. That maybe why I didn't.

When we get home, my wife says to me, "Why did you embarrass him like that?" Why didn't you just tell me?"

Excuse me?? You were sitting right next to me and just ignoring the whole damn thing. They could have been having sex for all you were paying attention!

And I told her something along those lines.

My frustration and my anger comes in where I know that all this boy needs is a father. A man to show him how to act and treat other people. A man to sit him down and explain to him when he's done something wrong and why. But she doesn't want him to have a father. She wants to be his whole world, even if it turns him into a disrespectful jackass who has no lines he worries about crossing because he knows his mom will let him slide..

I try. I try to at least be an example of something. Its just so damn hard when I feel like I'm being punished simply for wanting to be a part of his life.

Embarrassed. Pfftt... He should be embarrassed... he should be apologizing to not only us, but to that girls parents. We should be apologinzing to that girls parents.

Oh she's angry for sure. Mostly at me I would guess. I heard her earlier on the phone with her sister. I don't speak spanish but I pick up enough to know when she's talking about me. Usually in rapid words and high pitched tones.

I'm angry too. I tried being a part of his life. That didn't work. I tried disengaging. That didn't work.

I don't know. I'm just... here.

Comments

Silver's picture

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StepChicka's picture

Not sure about calling out the smack talk but the kissing no way! This is a classic case of disrespect. You had every right to call the kids out on their backseat lovefest. No normal functioning adult would allow it. Does your wife seriously think that if the girl's mom or dad was in the car they would have ignored this?

I'm aware that your wife is from Mexico. One of my dearest friends was born and raised there and many others through the years. In typical hispanic culture they all had the strictest upbringing...especially regarding the exchanges with the opposite sex. Your wife (and stepson) has no excuses. She should know better than to let 12 year olds make out in the presence of adults let alone doing the act itself and in front of you guys.

My 12 year old son LOVES girls but he would never pull that stunt in front anyone and never in front of family. If he did there would be hell to pay and I'd make damn sure it was an embarrassing if not mortifying experience.

You did absolutely nothing wrong Journey. Most incidences regarding a misbehaving stepchild the stepparent should take the high road but this wasn't one of them.

Journey's picture

Silver, you're right. I've tried disengaging. When I do I get hammered by my wife for not being more involved. When I don't, I get hammered for being involved. I'm the same way as you, I could never imagine acting like that in front of my parents or any adults for that matter when I was that age.

StepChicka, I didn't say anything when they were talking rudely and whatnot, until they started getting riled up over some "biting" thing going on. That's when I told them to calm down. I think my wife believes ignoring the situation is better than embarrassing her son. I don't get it but saying anything just makes her angrier.

Stepaside, My wife was raised in a really small town in Jalisco by her mother and grandmother with two sisters. She's had no real male presence in her life growing up and just has no concept of what a father is. Its one of the struggles we have all the time. She is continually talking about how much she dislikes the macho culture that is so prevalent within the Mexican men but is so afraid of hurting her sons feelings that she's letting him make his own rules. And any 13 year old boy will get away with anything he can.

I wish I could disengage. It just doesn't work and the concept itself is flawed. I'm married to his mother. He will be a part of my life for the rest of ours. The decisions and choices he makes now doesn't just effect them, it effects me too.

The next few years are the hardest for any boy. One who has no ground to stand on and no lines he isnt' afraid of crossing will be incredibly difficult to be around if I'm disengaged. If he gets some girl pregnant, it won't be him raising that child or supporting it.

Like I said, I dunno. I love them both but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or be in this family.