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I am really trying!!!

Thisisnotus's picture

I posted before about how skids miss so much school. SD16 missed half of last year....SD12 missed about a third of the year.....they don’t like school because they stay up all night watching tv so when morning comes they pull the I don’t feel good card.....so then BM has them at the doctor or hospital or some out of town specialist....between both skids going to tons of appts last year....SD16 has low iron....no other diagnosis found after many many doctor bills BM incurs and DH of course has to pay half....

so anyway today is the second week of school and SD16 already missed today....but she came here and was swinging on the swing set and running around the house then I took all the kids out for ice cream.....I didn’t know until after we got back from ice cream....then I’m annoyed because DH didn’t tell me. I don’t reward kids for not going to school.

i try so hard to disengage....but go to FUC$$NG school! How is the kid ever going to do anything in life. How does neither parent care if she goes to school or not? She is using her “low iron” to skip school but she can do everything else......She was fine all summer with her “low iron” but now that school is in she doesn’t feel good. 

i think both kids need to therapist or something. I mean kids have to attend school???!!

ColdArmy13's picture

Kids are never gonna like waking up and going to school. They’ll say almost anything to get out of it sometimes. I see it as the adults job to get them to school despite that or know when they are faking or not. Isn’t fun but you can’t just leave it up to kids to decide when they can go to school.

BD to the 6 y/o that lives with me would have her on weekdays sometimes and say things like “she wouldn’t wake up” then the child says “dad wouldn’t get up”. I’d say she missed at least half the days of school when he was in charge of getting her there. That was before we moved in and during the school year he can’t have her during those weekdays because he isn’t reliable to get her there. He didn’t even call her off either. With job schedules, getting her to school is basically all my job now and I do resent that a bit. 

Basically sounds like rose colored glasses for them when they are especially tired or don’t want to go.

Monkeysee's picture

I disagree with this slightly. I don’t think it should be the parents responsibility to get the kids up & get them to school, but instead to have higher expectations of their kids so the kids understand that choosing not to go to school isn’t an option.

Growing up my mum never woke us up, made our lunches, or reminded us to get out the door (starting from an appropriate age), and get all 4 of us had near perfect attendance. Mums expectations were clear, and going to school was our job. The bar is set so low for some of these kids it’s no wonder they pick & choose to go ‘when they feel like it’. But Molly coddling them, getting them up & out the door at 16 isn’t much better either. At 16 this ‘kid’ should be doing those things on her own.

Thisisnotus's picture

I agree. My kids set an alarm and get up and get ready.....I have to get ready for work and get the baby up....so my older don’t have a choice....when they pull the I don’t feel good card....I tell them to go see the school nurse and that if she thinks they are sick she will call me.....

 

NotURMomma's picture

Yeah! When I was a teenager f!ck no was my mother going to treat me like I was 7! She had too much adulting to do, herself!

 

NoThanks's picture

Low iron my ass. Add more iron rich foods to dinner like spinach, lentils, etc and explain it’s because her iron’s low and you want to make sure she isn’t malnourished. She might cut the low iron crap after that. 

I’ve also noticed in step world that a lot of the skids have horrible eating habits due to Disney parenting. My ex’s son was vitamin deficient and the daughter was morbidly obese, but he never made them eat veggies simply because “they don’t like them”. Seriously? Not sure of your exact situation, but the low iron might be a direct result of permissive parenting.

 

Thisisnotus's picture

That’s what’s happening here. She also gets light headed and neasous but it’s because doesn’t eat and when she does it’s fries or chips.

this iron issue has been going on for almost a year with no diet change, just some supplement.

she also doesn’t go to school when she has period so that’s a week per month....I told dh that is crazy and that everyone girl has a period and life can’t be put on hold because of it.

GrabitAndGo's picture

Missing school because of her period????  LOL  Boy, the real world is going to come as a shock her one day when her employers don't take kindly to her working only 3 weeks a month because she has cramps.  Her parents are idiots for letting her get away with that now.

shamds's picture

if i went to school i’d be in major pain and school nurse would call mum to pick me up. But its a family thing that we are curling like a ball in so much pain. 

As i got older i found out what helped and to take panadol or ibuprofen the moment it happened but if its minor pain here and there thats not good enough to stay home

in my case my mum had seen me crying from the pain and her family has a history of it being so bad...i would be in bed sleeping with heat packs to help the pain...

i also had low iron in my teens and nothing helped. Not even iron supplements and i got referred to a nutritionist. Low iron doesn’t help when you have your period as you can bleed more and in my case just kept my iron levels low.

i changed ny diet upon nutritionists advice and things got better 6 months later

MurphysLaw's picture

I wouldn’t care if she dropped out, flunked out or graduates with honors as long as your husband UNDERSTANDS PERFECTLY CLEAR SHE WILL NOT LIVE WITH YOU OR WILL YOUR HOUSEHOLD FUNDS GO TO SUPPORT AFTER THE AGE OF 18 (unless you’re in NY then you’re stuck with her till 21)

Thisisnotus's picture

well I guess you can't help who you love. haha I was married to mr perfect in every way for 15 years..literally almost so perfect of a husband and dad that it was scary looking......but I wasn't in love with him.....so here I am.

Rags's picture

IMHO you absolutely can choose how you love.  There has to be more than just the tingles of love.  The tingles wear off and what is left is love.

Take care of you.

tog redux's picture

The parents need the therapist.

SS19 missed school all the time, and BM allowed it. He barely ever went in his senior year and graduated because they pushed him through.  It's typical permissive parenting.

(DH was alienated and had no input in anything for 3 years).

Siemprematahari's picture

Give this girl some iron pills that you can get over the counter and call it a day. She'd go to school NO MATTER what. She better be dying in bed with a 105 fever in order for her to NOT go. Your H is just as bad as BM and YES you need to disengage. These girls will not launch and that's not your problem. Why your H is not shutting down the TV so they can sleep and get proper rest is beyond me. He's enabling this behavior and you all suffer because of it.

Thisisnotus's picture

She has been taking iron pills for over 6 months now......

It's when SD stays with BM that she misses school DH makes her go to school when she stays at our house.But on school days she is mostly with BM......

He did finally speak up....he called BM and said that this is stopping right now and then he laid in to SD for a while....so we shall see. I never said a peep so he didn't talk to them b/c of me.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

I'm a teacher, and a mandated reporter. If a kid came into school after missing 30 days that year and stated that their mother was permissive of absences for no reason, I'd be on the horn with CPS or a truancy officer within 5 minutes.

A primary/secondary education is REQUIRED in our society in order to be successful. I'd describe it as borderline abuse that a mother is permissive of not recieving her education.

Thisisnotus's picture

well here is the catch....most of the absences....she had a doctors note. Whatever is going on with the low iron business....the doctor pretty much gave her an open ended school excuse for anytime she "didn't feel good". I can get on board with not feeling good....okay.....but the only time she doesn't feel  good is between the hours of 8 am and 3 pm Mon-Fri....and anytime outside of that....then she is more than fine...running around...wanting to go all over town....

She is having a hard time keeping track of her " I don't feel good" stories....b/c she missed school on Tuesday b/c she was so sick and "almost passed out and iron must be low".....then on Wednesday she called DH in the evening and they were chatting and she was telling him how she went on a long run.....what??? I just can't. Now we are to the weekend and she's got all these plans...football games, hanging with friends, wanting to go shopping.....swimming, etc. uuuhhhhh ok.

 

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Oh, what you're mentioning, they can still be held accountable for. PPW's exist in schools. If you put a bug in their ear about it, they'll show up at their home on a day the child is absent to check on them. (People personell worker).

flmomma08's picture

I call BS on the low iron excuse. I had very low iron (to the point of anemia) with both my pregnancies and it did make me super tired but I was able to get it up with a supplement and by eating a ton of iron rich foods. I would also think if her iron was low she would be going for regular lab work and parents would be working with her doctor to get it up - is that happening? I don't know, maybe its a bigger concern when pregnant but I would assume the goal would be to get her numbers up and that she would be getting tested to see if what they are doing is working or not.

Anyway, yeah I am sure her parents will be receiving a call or visit from a truancy officer soon enough.

Rags's picture

My ILs never held my DW's three  younger sibs accountable for school attendance or performance. To the point that the three of them nearly did not graduated.  For BIL1 and BIL2 it was so close that they did not know if they wold graduate until the AM of graduation.

For SIL my ILs let her graduate a year early due to a change in graduation requirements.  THat was the wors thing they could have done.  That decision is still ringing with consequences more than 10 years after they made it.