I'll try to keep it short, but some background is needed in this situation. I met my DH 3 1/2 years ago. We have been married for 2 years. He has two children Son, 25 and Daughter 22, from previous marriage. I have three boys, 12, 14, 16, from previous marriage.

We just had the umpteenth arguement about the same issue in the past 9 months. Shortly after we met, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer. As I was working, I was not able to go to every doctor's appointment with DH and his parents, but if I was not working I was definatley right there with them. She commented several times about how happy she is that her son finally found "a good one". She did not like his ex-wife, nor the two other women he lived with before he met me. She passed away 9 months ago (God Bless Her).

At the time of her passing, the family did not have the money to have a formal funeral. My DH and I helped my father-in-law attend appointments to make decisions, as well as financially as needed. Since there was to be no formal funeral - and all the family was in town anyway - I suggested we have a small memorial at our house, just as a piece of closure for my sibling-in-laws and nieces and nephews. My DH thought that would be a great idea. It was scheduled and DH told his son and daughter. SD called to see if she and BM could stay at our house while in town as they do not live close by. DH told her that SD's mom didn't need to come, because there wouldn't bee a funeral or anything. SD said "you know mom, she's coming anyway". So, DH asked and I refused to let them stay at our home, as I've understood the BM to be very aggressive and has tried to get back with my DH in the past. My DH said I was being childish and should trust him more, but he understood. He told SD no, but we would help pay for thier hotel room (which now thinking back, I think was the wrong thing to do as well).

While here, SD and SS called to see if it would be okay for BM and them to come to my house and chill. (I had to go to work the next morning as I'd already been off for two weeks staying at the hospital with DH) - I told DH, no way do I want this woman in my house. He again threw a fit and said I was being childish, he couldn't understand why I didn't want her in my house. I gave in and said whatever, if you really didn't care about what I thought - why would you ask.....let them come over. They stayed until midnight, drinking and talking.

The next day after work, I came home to make food (with the help from my sis-in-laws) and again have SD and BM coming over. All day I got stares of hatred from DH, like I had done something wrong for feeling hurt. (I felt like he was choosing his ex's comfort over mine.)

To this day we argue this: I feel like he didn't respect my feelings, he should have never even asked for my approval since he didn't really care how I felt, and he put his daughters wishes before mine. If they wanted to get together with their mom and grieve the loss of their grandma - they are more than welcome to do so - just somewhere other than my home.

He says it was his mother's passing and I should have not told him how I felt about having his ex in my home because that's trivial at a time like this. That I should have realized his kids wanted to get together with their mom and I should have lovingly opened my home up for them to do so.

One last piece of background: SD has used DH several times over the years. He paid for her class ring three times over because she kept spending the money on other things. She recently told her brother to "let dad pay for us, he has plenty of money" while we were all on vacation. Well, my hubby is medically retired military - I'm laid off - and I get about 1/2 the child support that I should get as I kept it out of the courts. We are NOT well off - we just are good at saving, which SD is not. She, at 22 still runs to daddy when she needs money for emergencies (like car repairs, gas money to drive up to see him, etc....) I think you get the picture - SD uses DH.