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How long would you put up with being "hidden" from the skids or ex?

strugglingSM's picture

I read this, this morning and it hit a nerve. The woman has been with this man for 5 years, he lives with her and her children, and they are engaged, yet his out-of-state ex-wife and child supposedly don't know she exists. 

https://loveletters.boston.com/2020/05/makes-hide-ex-wife.html?s_campaig...

UpgradeWife's picture

I don't want to have anything to do with BM and I never will. I would prefer she knows nothing about me.

strugglingSM's picture

BM doesn't know much about me, either, but she knows I exist...in this case, BM doesn't know this woman exists. 

ldvilen's picture

How long would you put up with being "hidden" from the skids or ex?  To answer your question:  1 day.  Any man who can’t show his wife or SO off to anyone, is either a coward or an a$$ and probably both.

Dogmom1321's picture

No way, I understand when you are first dating, it's new, etc. 

DH waited about 6 months to tell BM we were ofically dating. I think she knew from the jump that we weren't "just friends" but I honestly wanted to get to know him first before "breaking the news" to BM and his daughter. I think it's really important to figure out what you want as a COUPLE first. No need to drag everyone else along for the ride at first. Then you are just inviting criticism to your relationship. Also, no need to tell SK every single date you go on. You don't know if that person will be around forever or not, so no need to go there. 

 

Even after DH told BM about us, it was mutual that neither one of us wanted to meet, be friends, etc. because of her actions. 

 

I get that this person may have an ex out of state. And maybe doesn't see SK often, but that doesn't mean they should pretend his new family doesn't exist. I agree, it's a sign of being a coward. 

tog redux's picture

It makes sense to wait 6 months or so to meet the kid, and as far as BM - no need to tell her he's dating someone, but he shouldn't hide it, either.

She needs to leave, this guy is a loon. Why the eff did she put up with it for FIVE YEARS, though?

Aniki's picture

IMO, 6 months minimum to meet the skids. But to hide you like a dirty secret? Not acceptable. 

DH and I agreed that I would not meet the skids until we knew if we were serious. 

Kids can get easily attached and it's crummy to have a constant flow of new partners in and out of their lives. BioHo had 22 men move in/out in 24 months and it was a terrible time for the skids. 

tog redux's picture

22 men in 24 months?! How would that even be logistically possible? "Steve, you move out Monday, I met Frank last Wednesday and he's moving in tomorrow. And Joe from last month will by tomorrow to pick up his stuff. "

Dear god, the STDs.

Aniki's picture

According to SD27, it was common for one to move out in the morning and the next move in that afternoon/evening. Lord knows how many men 'Ho boinked that did NOT move in! *bad*

Livingoutloud's picture

Come in the evening and leave in the morning isn't called "move in". She is just sleeping around 

Aniki's picture

"John", after having lived in the 'Ho House for 2 weeks, would move out one morning. That afternoon/evening, "George" would move in for a couple-three weeks. Capiche? Smile

Livingoutloud's picture

Hahah I thought they come in to spend the night and next one comes in for the next night. Regardless, if it was for the night or two weeks she sounds like a ho 

Aniki's picture

LOL, I can understand why you'd think that - sorry for the confusion.

She "sold" her services, too. Hence the name BioHo! Here's a 'Ho poem...

One baby daddy, 

Two baby daddies, 

Three baby daddies 

Four.

How many baby daddies does it take

To make you a wh0re?

somethingwicked's picture

So she was selling?

I wondered.

Double yuck..

Your DH must thank his lucky stars he ended it with HoBag when he did and found you ..

Like Night and Day! Was he a different guy or just young, impressionable  and stupid?

 

Aniki's picture

Yes. For clothes, jewelry, 'beauty treatments'... That last didn't work..>^..^<

He was stupid. DH is an honest, hardworking man who sees the best in people (or believes the BS they spew) whose word is solid gold. He foolishly and naively fell for all of 'Ho's humbuggery.

somethingwicked's picture

Can't stop a dog in heat on the street doing her thing ~

She picked up every stray mongrel  ..22 in 24 months.Must be a record unless she was a "working" girl.

I just hope BioHo changed the sheets in between.

yuck..

justmakingthebest's picture

What has he not seen his kid in 5 years? This is so weird to me.

It would be one thing if you weren't living together to not let BM or the kid know what was going on- that I could fathom. But to have this whole life and hide it from your kid is so freaking strange. 

No, I would not be hidden. There was no big announcement between DH and I when we got serious but BM was still friends with him on FB so he could see pictures of SS, so she started seeing things with us together- of course once we got serious and she figured that out it all stopped but whatever. 

Livingoutloud's picture

Your DH didn't see his son for a long time. Thinktrices DH has not seen his kids for a decade. Why isn't it possible?

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'd want to see a copy of the divorce decree first and foremost. This doesn't pass the smell test, not even a little bit. I'd bet money that they're not actually divorced, and he doesn't want to be "at fault" when it finally goes through.

But to answer the question in the OP, I'd say six months at most. No need to ruffle feathers if it's not needed and you aren't going to last. But, by six months, if you're heading towards a serious relationship, you need to be respected enough to be acknowledged.

Harry's picture

But BM does not need to know.  She will find out from the kids.  Keep BM out of your life and mind  will be a good thing For your marriage.  No need to deal  with her.  That DH job.  Text and email only 

Livingoutloud's picture

If he is estranged from his child (he hasn't seen his child in 5 years?) then I see why they don't know about his girlfriend. 

The whole story sounds bogus to me.  

Livingoutloud's picture

Some women think they are in a commited relationship while guys just see it as casual encounter. Then 10 years later she still wonders why he isn't proposing or why no one knows about her. He doesn't see it the way she does. 

somethingwicked's picture

Maybe he is still married to wife number one?

Bigamists come in all shape ,sizes and circumstances.

 

Rags's picture

I wouldn't put up with it for one minute.  A man has to have balls.  So that this woman puts up with this ball-less wonder taking advantage of her and hiding her from his kid should make him an immediate write off.

nappisan's picture

I was 'hidden' for quite some time without even realising it.  I was told one thing by my SO without knowing he was still pretending to play happy families with the ex and the Skid so the little angel wouldnt get upset.  I would even buy his son birthday gifts and xmas gifts ,,, not realising that they were either never given to the kid or they were given and told that a family member had gifted them.  I found all this out later.   I had met the kid several times but only as daddies friend.   Daddy would never have me over to his house as he didnt want to confuse the little angel,, but really its because both bio's were still residing together and putting on a whole act it was a big happy family,,, wow talk about confusing the brat even more when he found out later on.    I also found out that my SO had a big birthday bash for his 40th and i wasnt invited and never even knew about it because the brat and BM attended ,, we had been dating 2 yrs at this stage...ouch hurt! I always felt like a mistress.   fast forward 8 yrs of crap,,, relationship has ended thankfully !!!