My SS19 is a good kid in general...polite and respectful, does regular chores.  I understand teens will lie to keep from getting in trouble.  But this kid will like for stupid stuff and if there is one thing that will set me off is being lied to.  The lies tend to come on the heals of when I am being very nice and doing extra things for him (he is a sensitive kid so we often treat him with kid gloves).  I am begining to feel he is taking advantage of my kindness. So then I pull back for a bit and he seems fine until the next cycle begins.  I try so much to help him with life skills so he can have a good future...but I can't make him be more self-diciplined.

My DH is military so I am left alone with SS19 at times.  He will graduate HS this summer and attend community college in Fall.  We have to stay on top of him for everything and tell him how to do things (he will drag his feet sometimes until it is too late and then act upset with himself).  I get I have more life experience but damn...he can google how to apply and register for college himself but he acts helpless to do this no matter what I explain to him. Very maddening when I am on my own and his Dad is out of town.  His Dad deploys this fall so that is why I'm dead set on getting him on a launch path but it's hard for me to be responsible when his dad is not here to ride his ass to get things done.  DH is supposed to get SS19 on a launch path before deploying but I can count on things going wrong when he deploys that I will get stuck with (nature of the beast).  I don't want to get stuck with a man-baby doing nothing but working part time while DH is deployed and I shop and cook for him.  I already started doing less cooking in Dads absence so he is forced to do more for himself.

Just an example of things I do for SS19...he has no driver license yet, DH is away on military duty so I bought food so he can cook dinner for his girlfriend and I get her and bring her back home so then can have a nice time together at our place.  Then 2 days later he tells me he is going to drop off his bike to get fixed at the bike shop.  THREE hours later he is not back and didn't answer when I phone him (he offered to cook dinner that night).  I find out bike shop is closed (after he told me they were open).   Turns out he never checked to see if they were open (lie #1) and then biked to his GF house to spend time with her.  He left with his backpack so I know he planned for more than a quick bike drop off.  He waltzed back home 90 minutes after our usual dinner time. Lie #2 is not telling me he was going to GF for a few hours.   I was PISSED at the stupid lies and could have planned my night better if I knew where the hell he was and what was going on (I felt like a sucker for trusting him).  I keep him up to date every time I leave the house as a courtesy and expect the same from him as an adult in our home.  This is the kind of stuff he does from time to time when I am left in charge (has done it with his dad too but even after long talks repeats the pattern when I am in charge).

I had a come to Jesus conversation with him so he knows just where I stand on being lied too (I am done playing nice and let it go too many times). I said just be truthful. I told him to quit acting like a helpless baby at 19 years old because he knows better and is smarter than that, and have some pride in himself and personal integrity.  I asked why he didn't tell me about going to see his GF for a few hours and he looked sad and said I guess I get inside my own head too much (always has some reason like this).  I replied BULLSH*T.  He KNOWS he's supposed to keep me updated (just as I keep him updated) and reminded him how he has no problem keeping his GF or work up to date with his plans! 

DH said it is up to me to come up with consequences of SS19 lying to me.  I think as an adult...he knows better and DH and myself always set a good example by treating him the same that we are asking in return but his son is failing on his part at times. I told SS19 his plans often affect me and the world exists beyond himself.  I will be in charge during DHs upcoming 8 month deployment which means I shop and cook enough for both of us most days, and do extras for the kid since he has no DL yet.  I feel if SS19 chooses to lie to me one more time (which I consider being disrespectful and childish at his age), then I no longer need to show him the courtesy and respect of grocery shopping, cooking for him, or providing rides to and from GF.  So lie again and he can be on his own when Dads away (except for emergencies) and hopefully reality will hit him how much I do for him.   I think this is most fair.  I am open to other suggestions as well.  His BM is NOT an option, lives thousands of miles away and does nothing for her son except be his friend and could care less about his future (leaves the real parenting to DH and myself).  I know I will be less stressed about his disapparances/lies and not be affected by them if I just stop doing for him should he lie again and let him "be on his own" when Dads away.