My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years now. We have no children together but he has a son (10) and a daughter (8). I have no issues with me my SD at all. She is very sweet and smart and so easy to be proud of. I am not as affectionate with her as my husband would like, but I think we have a very strong relationship.
My SS is a whole different story! When he was younger everything was fine. He was just a cute and curious little boy. In the last 2-3 years things have just gotten terrible. My husband has custody of his kids, and I am a stay at home mom, so this is becoming especially difficult on long summer days.

He won't listen to anything I say, he deliberately breaks rules and looks me in the face and tells me he does it because he knows he won't get in trouble, he has NO manners and no respect for anyone or anything.

I think that the reason he doesn't ever listen is because he knows anything I say will be turned around by his dad. My husband is so afraid that one day the kids will choose to live with their bio mom that he won't do anything he thinks will upset them. He is constantly contradicting me in front of the kids, and reversing punishments etc. It has gotten to the point that if I even remind the kids to try to chew with their mouths closed I wind up being the one in trouble. My SS definitely knows how to manipulate this situation. All he has to do go to Dad crying and I am immediately the one who is the wrong. Obviously this has caused many fights and taking a huge toll on our marriage.

This isn't even a topic that we can discuss. My husband and my SS are VERY close, and my husband sees my SS as someone who can do no wrong ever. If I try to talk to my husband about my frustrations or the things that my SS does he just gets mad at me. He is very offended that I would say something negative about his perfect son. As far as me being frustrated, well he thinks that my problem and I need to change something about myself so that I don't get frustrated.

I don't have many rules, but I need some to stay sane! Manners are just a pet peeve of mine, and having an 10 year old SS who still looks like a toddler after a meal disgusts me. I don't even know how he manages to get as dirty as he does. He literally has food from ear to ear and in his hair no matter what he eats. He makes no attempt to wipe off his hands or anything so I am constantly finding globs of peanut butter etc. EVERYWERE. He NEVER says please or thank you, and is horribly competitive. Honestly, I can't even understand how his friends can stand be around him. He is just plain mean and rude. It drives me crazy, but when I try to make changes or enforce any rules I get in trouble.

I have gotten to a point where I just have to distance myself. I can't handle eating in the room as my SS so I exclude myself from family meals. I just get so annoyed and frustrated with my SS's behavior that i don't want to be around him at all and I am embarrassed to be with him in public. I don't enjoy any family outings because of it. I try to avoid them as much as possible, but that just causes more problems with my husband.

My husband and I have been on the brink of divorce several times and I have told him flat out that our only issues are about my SS. I love my husband very much, and each day I grow to resent my SS more and more for making life miserable and for effecting my marriage the way he has. I often find myself wishing that my husband had only had his daughter...everything would be perfect then

What can I do to handle to my SS and try to save my marriage? Please help!