Horrible weekend and done being a SM
This is the most thankless, horrible, 100% miserable job on the planet. I get to a great point with SD, and SS is the laziest, foul-mouthed mopey spoiled brat I have ever met. He's stolen money from my purse, sold pain pills, got caught drinking by the local police - he's 15 - and stayed at our house when we were out of town with 0 consequence. He talks to me worse than dirt. BM is a certifiable nut bag who has spent her whole life as a "mother" sabotaging her kids' realtionship with their dad (although she only favors SD - could not care less about SS). Anything my husband has EVER tried to do (like not signing SD up for a sporting team with practices daily 2 hours away!!!) has been undermined by her and my DH relented. Now BM and her drunk cow of a mother have bombarded him with messages calling him names I can't repeat her because he is not footing the bill for $ 65,000 a year for school so that she can play a sport (a sport that doesn't even have a professional team, so no end game in sight). BM knew full well it wasn't happening but has proceeded to lead SD down this road so she can blame it on DH. My SS can't even put a spoon in the dishwasher. It's like having a 2 year old. The insanity has got to stop.
Maybe you need a week to
Maybe you need a week to yourself in a nice hotel. Tell your husband to get control of his kids and you'll come back when everyone can start contributing to the household as a team. Take care of yourself for a while.
I've often wondered what is
I've often wondered what is worse. BM's who hate their exes openly and spend their lifes openly sabotaging their childs relationship with their step parent or BM's who want to get back with their exes (or secretly hate them) and are fake friendly with them, end up causing problems very intentionally and passively by being too friendly with their ex. My experience is many of these divorcees (not all) are extremely self centered types with psychological issues who had no business having kids in the first place. Most skids end up spoiled and are raised by disney parents who make them believe the world revolves around them. They view the child as special and as an extension of themselves. The child has also inherited the genes of a selfish/emotionally unstable individual. When you combine that with the fact that the child grows up believing the world revolves aorund them it's a disaster. Most of these skids end up having serious problems and not surprisingly so. Many fail to launch and want to live at home well past the appropriate age. Many have issues with drugs, promiscuity, relationships, stealing, crime, etc. They simply hit an age where reality hits and they realize the world doesn't revolve around them and any psychological issues they have were never addressed because their parents were too busy coddling and tip toeing around them. I've always believed kids benefit from a more strict parenting style. Not abuse of course but strict. I also believe it may be best not too date seriously until the child reaches a later age in life. It's simply not fair to expect someone to take that on, especially when there is an ex in the picture and a lax parenting style. Anyone else hear me?
I totally agree.
I totally agree.
Amen to all of that ! BM
Amen to all of that ! BM came from a family where dad did cocaine with his kids, slept with BM's high school age friends and fancied himself a handsome wacky fun guy........No wonder the whole family is screwed up. I see my SS having no life skills and learning the art of the con from his mom. No structure, no co-parenting, and my DH's relationship with his kids sucks. We are cash cows to them.
Art of the Con
So true. I wish we could have gotten together when SS was born, and BM had no contact or chance to pervert SS's worldview and abuse his sweet soul & feed him fast food in front of a TV for his first 13 years of life. I wish I could have protected him that diabolical narcissist con-artist (albeit D-List narcissist, not even good-looking).
That's why I ended things
That's why I ended things with my girlfriend. She wanted to move in together with her two kids, but they didn't like me and her ex was completely toxic. Their relationship is horrible and toxic and I didn't see how my presence could improve the situation. The ex hated me and poisoned the kids against me. Yet she still wanted me to move into the situation. How could that benefit the children at all? She sees it that I failed and abandoned her, but I see it that we avoided another round of heartbreak for her children.
She’s wrong
You’re right. You had the ability to save yourself the misery when you saw the toxicity and the wisdom and gumption to follow through on getting out. Well done.
I’m sick of my situation too.
I’m sick of my situation too. Just got back from a horrible family vacation with DH and skids. SD is so emotionally unstable and we can’t get through anything without her having a smart ass comment targeting one of the other kids or me. I hate them.
Last time we took a family
Last time we took a family vacation I got told I was a piece of sh** and told to go f*** myself last year by SD. I do have to admit I think she has for the most part she has grown up immensely, but it's the final push to the finish line, so to speak, where the unfortunate influence and emotional damage is going to have real consequences as an adult financially. I feel your pain.....you can't say anything that is not 100% her way / BM's way without a breakdown, vulgarity, or SD being told that DH's actions are a way of punishment. We hear that quite a lot. I have 3 more years until the legal responsibility is done and DH and I are packing up and moving away. DHs are damned if they do, damned if they don't. I am so ready to be done with all of it. I am DONE conceding anymore. No more coming here when their not supposed to be here, no more begging to stay here when their dad is out of town, no more anything. The ONLY thing they are accountable for here is (1) laundry which means no throwing my stuff in with theirs and (2) don't come in my room and don't take my stuff. So far this past week I got a shirt ruined and have no charger and then got to lied to about it....... I caught the 14 year old SS broke in and squatted at our house with his friends while I was overseas and I got the diatribe for an hour from the little a$$ how he doesn't have to follow rules that he doesn't agree with (Like coming over while we are gone) . Yes, the majority of it is my DHs fault - who wants to believe the best and that they will change. They really don't....not with the full support of BM.
I didn't even marry the guy
I didn't even marry the guy and I feel a decade older -seriously; I feel I've aged 10 years in 3 months since his daughter and ex wife came back on the scene.
I often wonder how exactly
I often wonder how exactly these men found these women in the first place?! I have said to DH if you intentionally went out looking for THE worst person to breed with I don’t think you could have found someone worse.
Crazy BM does the same over here... doesn’t work, and then expects DH (who she alienated the kids from) to pick up the tab for fancy extras. Regular school isn’t good enough- must be private school or nothing. One activity isn’t enough it has to be 10. She knows it won’t happen on top of the astronomical child support so she does it to say “He won’t pay for anything for you guys!”. I seriously hate this woman with a passion.
They are lazy, useless leaches and they teach their kids to be the exact same way... and if they aren’t gaining substantially financially from someone just toss them out and do all you can to destroy them in the process.
Crazy BM is the same way!
Crazy BM is the same way! Works a couple nights a week. Sleeps the rest of the time. Child support beyond anything in someone's wildest dreams, but is somehow baffled that DH isn't coming up with 80K for fancy, non-Ivy League school. Even got her drunk mother involved to call my DH names via email. Her family is now telling SD her dad is "punishing her". THe last time he ever tried to be a dad and "punish" her was at age 8 for talking back because her PSYCHO mom and her family tried to interfere with room reservations we had for a sporting tournament ON OUR WEEKEND, texted and harrassed SD about how where were staying wasn't with the team etc. and SD had a vicious, encouraged meltdown. He grounded her from going and we didn't. BM's dad felt it was in his realm to email my husband and call him a c$$$------- blah blah blah.
It sucks
Preaching to the converted over here on that front let me assure you! Step-parenting is having a super close relationship with people that 9/10 you want absolutely nothing to do with. People that live in your home, take advantage, give you attitude, show zero appreciation for anything kind you do for them. What exactly is the upside? There isn't one!
DH told stepkids last night that I am pregnant. Cue sullen, sulky faces because it has to be always all about them. So over it! Have to give DH points though as he said to them if you have any nasty, pointed little comments like last time, please keep them to yourself.
Worded perfectly. Sometimes I
Worded perfectly. Sometimes I really wonder how all of this will look in old age... will it get better or will I be dealing with the same crap forever and ever.
it is mind blowing the level of crap you deal with just because you married someone who has been married before to someone who is nuts. It’s interesting to see such difference in women who can move on past their ex and have civil relationships and then those where these beasts just won’t let go of trying to make life hell for their ex and anyone associated with them. How could you not grow bored? How could you keep having the energy to be that way? What is the actual point, what do you gain?? I don’t get it.
It is mind-numbing the amount
It is mind-numbing the amount of effort, fixation and bad energy some of these BMs have towards us! I had a very amicable relationship with my first husband - to the point that he was invited to family weddings and vice versa. Now my daughter got stuck with the crazy SM who hates me for no apparent reason....but I digress. All my husband wants to do is be left alone and now BM'sdrunk loser parents think they can email him and call him vulgar names!!! We are professional, educated people dealing with a group of bullying, drunk, sociopaths. 10 years of this!!!!! It would be hysterical if it were not so sad to see how messed up the kids are. Anytime my husband disagrees with any of their insane ideas / ways to sabotage a relationship/ to pay for outrageous things he is "punishing" the kids. The BM (who got caught cheating by my DH) 12 years is STILL calling my current sisters-in-law to tell them he cheated with me! I had never even met him until 3 weeks after their divorce was final
LOL I have never seen a mother so miserable in her life choices that she would rather make my husband the bad guy at the expense of guiding her children.
I read that people with
I read that people with personality disorders are so manipulative and convincing that they actually convinced themselves even and get confused and legitimately believe their own lies..... which would explain a lot.
Your story sounds a lot like mine, and a lot like many I have read on here as well. They are certainly extreme but not too uncommon.
We have had the same smear campaigns. Absurd lie after lie. Setting situations up in these fully tactical diabolical ways that no sane person could ever see coming.
SKIDS have been pretty much out of our lives for a couple years, and we really have no choice in any of it. We are at the point now where we don’t even want to continue with court because even that is giving her the attention she wants without it actually fixing anything.
i honestly wonder what goes on in these evil women’s heads.
The kids psychologist
told DH and I that BM was an 'introverted narcissist' so not your usual massive personality type CEO narcissist. She presents as sweet and timid initially to lure you in then BAM it's manipulation time.
They DO exist!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201601/7-s...
Ours is full stop borderline
Ours is full stop borderline personality disorder.... no question about it. Today (and many days) I feel angry that DH was so stupid to get involved with this complete piece of trash. I don’t understand how he could have been so stupid. And he saw the problems but kept going along with it all. If I would have known when I was first with him just how bad she was I most likely wouldn’t have stuck it out and would have seriously questioned his judgement. Our therapist (yes we have a therapist to deal with this psycho) that for DH being as smart as he is he sure is stupid. Honestly, couldn’t have agreed more with that comment.