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honesty

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 4:38am

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I feel I cannot be totally honest with my husband ablut his son/my step son who is 11.
I am the only one helping him raise him along with our two bio sons who are both under 2, so you can imagine how busy our household is.
My step son and I have a good relationship, he lives with us full time. Sometimes his behaviour does concern me such as language and attitude and I get that he is a preteen and you just have to let it go sometimes.

I havent had a breakdown from being overwhelmed and tired in a long time but yesterday I just needed a moment to cry it out, barely getting any sleep and juat exhausted from keeping up with my step son when he gets home from school..he would talk about the past and refer to his bio mom as my husband's wife and i mean come on, who wants to hear that?

my husband noticed i was sad and i didnt want to tell him but ended up opening up and trusting him with my feelings and he just defenda his son.

Does it get better? are there any orther step parents who take care of theor stepkids full tome and feel you dont have the right to be honest about pain in the ass things that your atep kid does without husband getting defensive about it?

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 4:42am

Disengagingnis not an option..I know he is in pain because his bio mom isnt really involved anymore, and I don't have itnin me to start puttinghim aside..so if anyone can give me advice that isnt to disengsge that would be great!

SMforever's picture

Submitted by SMforever on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 4:48am

He shouldn't defend his son calling BM his Dad's wife...unless she still is. If so, then DH needs to step up and get a divorce and marry the mother of his sons. If they are no longer married, then sounds like SS has picked up that zinger from BM and you would be justified in putting him back in line, verbally.

It is up to DH to take the kid aside and remind him that other people have feelings. AT 11, why isn't he doing most things for himself...why do you need to "keep up" with him.

Having 2 under 2 is plenty for any one to manage, and you are entitled to your weepy moments. SS should be helping you with chores if you are cooking his meals. Many of us can relate to your exhaustion. How about leaving the babes with DH and SS for a day and booking a spa day for yourself? That would give them a taste of your life.

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 6:01am

Thanks so much for this.

My husband and his bm were never married.

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 6:28am

He was more defending that step son is just a kid and he doesn't know any better and i shouldn't take it to heart. Which is true, it's just really annoying to hear..it's already enough I am reminded every day that he shared a family life with someone else before me...

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 7:03am

Bull..My SS is also 11. Trust me, he knows what he's doing. Especially since you said they were never even married. My DH divorced BM when SS was 4. SS has NEVER referred to DH and BM being married. He doesn't remember it.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 7:15am

At 11, kids know what they are doing. Albeit, they are not adults yet, they pick up on social nuances.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 05/09/2017 - 7:27am

It does sound like he was more trying to "smooth things over" vs really defend him. Telling you that you are blowing things out of proportion.

I think your best response to him is that you are entitled to your feelings and when SS says things like that it is hurtful to you.