then I would take them. I have allowed SD to buy a birthday and Christmas present for her mom in the past but only when she asks to. Sometimes she gets stuff at school when they have a holiday shop there with little trinkets. Two years ago though SD gave me a "mother" sun catcher with a poem about how much she will always cherish our relationship. When BM asked if she got her anything at the Secret Santa shop SD said, "There wasn't anything there you would like." Meaning due to the cheapness of the stuff. BM is all about people spending money on her.

Since then SD has not asked to buy her things regularly. But when she does I let her. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I was single for 5 and a half years while my exH moved in future SM within months of the divorce. My sons' SM took them shopping for me (still does now and then, even with DH to do it for me now.) And I started giving them a family gift at Christmas. I was really simply....touched that she reached out that way. For those BM's and SM's just starting out, these things can make a huge difference.

On the other hand if SD's BM finds out I did something nice she freaks out...hmmm... more motivation to do it! Sometimes taking the high road has its own reward in a low road kind of way!

Peace, love, and red wine

it has been a huge argument for my fiance's family. I think that as his fiance i should purchase gifts for him. His ex and his mother both took the kids shopping and left me with no opportunity to help them with shopping for him last year. The problem is that they picked out CLEARANCE items and wrapped them and the kids had no say in what was purchased.

I was so upset that he finally got up the nerve to tell them that I was going to be responsible for making sure the kids got gifts for their dad from them. My point of view is that it is no longer his ex-wife's job to buy gifts for him and it is no longer his job to buy gifts for her. However, if the kids discuss wanting to buy a gift for any member of the family, we go, give them a budget and let them choose the gifts. In our situation the biggest problem is getting them to speak up and say what is on their minds. I feel it is the job of their mom's family and boyfriend to make arrangements for the kids to get her gifts, not mine or my fiances, especially since she returned or bitched about nearly every single gift my fiance ever bought her during the course of their relationship. (i.e. - she gave the ipod he bought her the previous Christmas to their daughter wrapped as a Christmas gift the following year...)

anyway, this has been a sore subject for me. sorry to rant.

I think that if the kids ask, you should get a gift allowance from their dad to pay for a gift. If they want to do extra work (above and beyond normal chores)around the house to earn more to buy a nicer gift well, they could do that.
(That is something that has been effective at our house)

For a year or two I bought a card for my BSons for their father's birthday but that was never reciprocated so I stopped doing that. I never extended myself in their name for their father on Christmas especially after the one year my Bsons were scrambling to get gifts together for ExH Ho girlfriend and her litter of children but he has never encouraged them to treat their BM with any respect. He's always had issues with his own mother, I should have seen the writing on the wall when it came to teaching his own children.

I never lifted a finger or offered for my SD. I sat back and watched every DH birthday, Father's Day and Christmas and nothing came his way from his BD. Sad, but if she was a remote fraction more pleasant, maybe I would made an effort.

Sorry. I am, truly, bitter for more reasons than i can mention.