BF is trying not to upset you. Men sometimes do things they think will help the situation (in this case you) without thinking of the whole situation. BF might actually mean what he's telling you. However, if you are upset about all of this then you two need to sit down and have a pow-wow. You need to explain your feelings in detail, but start by telling him that you understand that he means well. He may have no clue that this upsets you so much.

If you have read a few of the emails and they are filled with nothing but hate and contempt then I really think it's safe to say that BF is not keeping emails from you because they are filled with love and hopes of getting back together with his EX. Maybe you should make a suggestion to BF that the emails need to cease for awhile---at least til the two of them can stop acting like 4-year-olds fighting over a crayon.

If you want, and if you can be neutral, then you may want to suggest that you help him write the emails (or at least proofread them). This way you can edit all of the negativity out of the emails. Tell him that the emails (or any other form of communication) are not supposed to be about contempt between divorced parents but about THEIR KIDS.

If your attempt fails with BF---It might help if someone outside of your relationship explain things to him. You would be surprised but a stranger can have more impact on BF than you can.

I wish you luck.

"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat."

but I don't really have a problem with it. There have been times that some things have been shared with me that just made me angry. BM is just filled with venomous feeling towards me so how would reading stuff that often is irrational help if I can't respond directly to it anyway?

I agree with Anne Summers statement, "---at least til the two of them can stop acting like 4-year-olds fighting over a crayon." and that includes conversations on the phone. Outside help can really help, be it from a neutral party or a therapist, or even a lawyer (not neutral, but mine is quite fair minded)

However if the content includes something that directly impacts YOU, you should be privy to that. To me that includes TIME(custodial arrangements) and MONEY(child support/spousal support)

on e-mail you can see exactly what is said and have a record. It would be worse if he was hiding phone calls, etc.

I would rather have e-mails too than the screaming phone calls in the middle of the night we have gotten. But it still is annoying, isn't it?

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

do both of them "need" the drama? When I first came into my relationship I thought that for sure there were no feelings left between them because of what was said to one another when angry, however, I figured out that both of them were still caught up in one another or they wouldn't act like this again and again. It's almost like they feeded off of one another. They were no longer in a relatioship together, but they still had the need to squabble. Does that make any sense? I feel that BM would say things just to get a reaction from hubby and of course he always fell for it....and usually it wasn't anything to do with the kids. For the past 6 mths (this went on for 3.5 yrs) we (me & hubby) have worked very hard not to react to what she says about either one of us via email etc. Because we both figured out this was her way to still have some control over him. It may take another few years but eventually BM will get the drift that their life is over and all they share are the children. Lets hope your hubby isn't feeding into what she needs.