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Hey steps, how often do you compliment your partners on their parenting of your skids?

Sparklelady's picture

I sort of fell into a habit along time ago of complimenting my husband whenever he disciplined the kids effectively. Not patronizingly, but sincerely pointing out that I thought he had done a good job.

Since I have disengaged from dealing with my skids, I have taken even more time to compliment him when he handled a situation. This morning for example, he was absolutely brilliant in talking down his 15-year-old son who had screwed up on some school type issues. I just sat in the room quietly, staring at the bouquet of flowers in front of me, and enjoyed hearing him bring up all the points that I was thinking in my head but didn't voice.

So I'm curious, to those of you who do compliment your partners, do you find it makes them more effective? And those of you who don't complement your partners, why is that?

sbm014's picture

Typically if SS is in trouble in general I leave it alone unless he brings something up. If it affects me like for instance right before DH left he asked me why SS had clothes stacked on his dresser like he had no more room. I simply told him that as he remembers I had worked with SS on putting up clothes to the point he had previously done it himself. SS then lied to DH and said I would do it, backed out of that and said that is how he used to at BM's so didn't think about it. DH got onto him and explained to him, I do enough around the house including at least carrying them to his room for him and that he needed to put them up. I simply looked at DH and said thank you and I appreciated it. If it doesn't handle me but deals with manipulation and DH stands strong I will tell him he did the right thing. I don't feel it is my need to interject anytime SS gets in trouble as most of it is little.

MdMom's picture

Absolutely I do!

Though our children are young (SD3, DD nearly 2 and DD1) I trymy best to ddiscipline them accordingto age. My FDH grew up in a VERY abusive home... So he has trouble with how to fittingly discipline children so young. I have found that it is easier to complement him on how he handles things than to get upset with him when he doesn't handle it the way I would have.

Fortunately FDH is not abusive, he just doesn't know the proper way to discipline at times... To which he will now come to me and ask if I think he was too hard on one of the girls. My reply is usually no. Though I would never undermine him while he's disciplining one of the girls, I'll bring it up to him when we are alone, and explain why I think it was an in proper method.

It works great!

One Step Back's picture

When my OH actually disciplines step brat, I'll let you know...

Modernworld1011's picture

What parenting??? It's more like one continual dance of how can I make you like me and be my pal, rather than offering adult role-model style leadership. I am waiting for something to applaud. When it happens, I will cheer the loudest!