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Bmwman1981's picture

Good afternoon guys I have a 12 yr old stepson .... Recently he  has started to show characteristics of his mum who I married not saying that's a bad thing but it seems they are negative !.. general attitude his room is a stink tip I like a tidy house mother doesn't do cleaning properly and he has that exact trait ! All he does is play Xbox and when he isn't when naughty lol he is down stairs making wife shout which gets to me as I love quiet tbh and I think it's a small price to pay before everyone has a go I am from a large family and the attitudes and general crap would not have been tolerated when I was growing up I'm only 35 lol!! It's got the point I dread him coming home from comp as it's shouting straight away ! Atm I get up at 6 to have peace before they all wake up .  I don't feel relaxed in house anymore .  Certain people say it's normal but I had a lovely child hood which didn't need the constant shouting and attitudes tbh ... Most of which his mother has in spades so I don't think I got a chance to make a change ????.. I'm at my wit's end I've tried talking to wife about it but she sticks by him every time !! The real dad is dead so have it constant 8 yrs I have a 8 step daughter and she's totally different tbh.  I can't stand the character traits in the woman i married so having another one in house is shocking  surely in comprehensive school u should be a little mature and do things properly .

 

Sorry to moan on but I'm desperate on what to do I honestly think of leaving as it's gonna get worse especially if the mother is in denial to the situation I guess I'm old school I don't want to bend or change as I genuinely think my tidy attitude and ways of work is positive I think he will end up with a kid at 14 like his mother?? 

ESMOD's picture

So... you don't like your wife's traits?  She doesn't clean well enough..etc?  I mean, it can't be a surprise that a child of hers would be just like her.  If you don't like her.. why would you be married to her.. and if you aren't married to her.. her kid's issues aren't going to be your issues any more?

tog redux's picture

I married DH knowing he was messy.  I'm not a neat freak by any means, but I'm neater than he is, and I knew the bulk of the cleaning would fall to me.  I made a conscious decision that I could live with that.  It's not my favorite of his traits, but I can live with it. SS is the same, and his room was a pig sty.  I kept the door to his room closed and let it be.

Did you marry her thinking you could change her? If not, then make peace with your wife's messiness, it's a pretty fixed trait.

The yelling is another story, but it's obviously how they relate, and beyond asking her to change it, there isn't much you can do.