Financial Responsibility
We went last week to see a financial planner, I know I should be over this after a week but it is driving me crazy. He asks a variety of questions, when do you want to retire, what are your debts, savings, retirement status as of now, and how many children do you have. I answered the last the same as I always do HB has 2 and we have 1 together. The guy decided that we should just account for 3. Why, I ask we only have 1 together and HB is only responsible for ½ of the other 2 not the FULL 2. Then I feel like I’m ganged up by HB and this guy. HB and I get into a fight again because even though I have said time and time again he thinks that I should still be financially responsible for his 2 kids.
Am I way out of line? I’m sorry but he and his then wife decided to have 2 kids as well as what they would like to provide for their financial future. Why should I be financially responsible EVER for his two kids? Is his ex going to feel financially responsible for the one we have together? Probably not so why would I ever pay anything or prepare for his kids future?
I state this and my feelings again and he goes into well I have to pay for them and that affects what we have together. Yes I get this I understand that even if our family (the 3 that live in the house) have financial trouble that your 2 (one that only comes around if I’m not there and the other that completely ignores me) will always be paid for first. It sucks its not fair but I do understand that what our family can budget for comes AFTER HB’s responsibility to his first 2 children. Yes to him they always come first financially speaking.
Am I messed up that I don’t feel my paycheck is obligated to his child obligations and only to my own child that we share together? It pisses me off even more to know that the majority of childcare cost (daycare, diapers, formula, college planning) all comes from my check. I completely understand why families can break up over money because this is a deal breaker to me. I don’t want to pay anything for those 2 kids.
So why do I feel like I'm the
So why do I feel like I'm the jerk when I state this to both my HB as well as others. It's almost like they are taken back that I don't want to contribute to them. Its so sad but I don't even have my HB listed as a benificiary with the exception of one thing, due to the worry that my money if given to HB with go to his kids and mine will get a smaller portion.
I do not and have not ever
I do not and have not ever felt financially responsible for my SD and my husband has no problem with that. Had she gone to college or had a traditional wedding, he told her straight up, he did not have the money to contribute (and he truly didn't have the money). He never asked me if I would contribute (I would not have).
Now, if he had gotten into a jam with CS, I probably would have helped him out but I know he would have paid me back because he believes in paying his own debts. Thank God, CS is done, SD did not go to college, and she eloped so, we did not have to deal with her and BM trying to get more money from him.
Don't let anyone make you feel like a jerk about this. Your step kids have 2 parents and they are responsible for them in every way.
i don't think she is saying
i don't think she is saying she doesn't want him to provide for his older kids, but that he should only be providing 1/2 of what he will have available (going by the assumption that their own mother will provide the other half - not their problem if she doesn't), and she should not have to provide anything for them. i agree with this. however, maybe he should provide 1/3 of what he has available to EACH of his children.
OP- it's hard to not feel guilty, but FORCE yourself to stand by this. yes, it will be more calculations for the advisor to perform, but that is what he is being paid for. there is nothing unfair about what you are asking!
my skid will never get any $
my skid will never get any $ from me for anything. DH and I just got married in August. I already told him if he should DIE before his kid is grown, i'm NOT keeping him, he's going to the grandparents. And if i die, my kids will go to my mother. I love DH but he don't do SHIT about life problems.....my kids would be suicidal or alcoholics or something and he'd IGNORE it and just assume it would go away. NO WAY i'd leave my kids with him.....NO you should NEVER be financially responsible for your husband's spawn.....EVER!!! }:)
lol dledden.
lol dledden.
But he's also helping to
But he's also helping to support the children in your home.
Both sets of kids have two parents that can work and save for them if they want to do so.
I agree - SM should not put
I agree - SM should not put money aside for skids out of HER earnings. I would be inclinded to find another financial planner who is on the same page as YOU not DH. Skids have 2 parents to provide for them, why should SM take earnings away from her bio children to support someone else's child. Doesn't make sense to me, nor is it fair to her Bio's. just sayin...
DH doesn't have my BD22 in
DH doesn't have my BD22 in his living will, nor does he have a college fund for her. So, why should I donate my earned finances to SD?
I don't expect DH to support my previous child and he doesn't expect me to support his. We might help each other's kids out here and there but it's not expected.
Husband and wife should focus on their OWN retirement anyway, not on setting aside money for the kids. Kids (bio and step) have more years to save their own damn money for college, & retirement.
I say fuck 'em all
Thank-you all for your
Thank-you all for your comments! I feel so much better after finding this site and hearing other points of view that are much more similar to mine. I'm so sick of the 'you should love them just the same.' No I shouldn't their mom should love her own children and I will love mine. Other than that they are my HB's kids I have no desire for any involvment with them. Why is is we can hate in-laws but children are held to a differnt standard. HA I think children are worse because it is a constant reminder of HB's past and is ALWAYS in the current.