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Fearful of SS14...

Bostenstep12's picture

SS14 has been under the care of a Psychiatrist and psychologist for seven years for mood disorders.  This has resulted in a coddled Entitled disrespectful spoiled brat from both parents because "SS can't help himself because he has a mental illness" BS. 

Anyways SS has always been prone to Over reacting and violent temper tantrum's. The last year or so when SS14 gets REALLY pissed at something he will breakdown crying hysterically saying he is going to kill someone or kill himself. This has been brought up to the Psychiatrist by both BM and Our house but when the Psychiatrist asks SS14 about this SS Denies he said these things. SS ONLY does this at either BM or Our house never at school. 

SS14 will also make comments about how he has dreams about people running around screaming on fire. Not sure if he's just making that up or not. Now I can't speak for BM but niether DH or I ever acted afraid of SS or got a reaction from us when he says these things. 

The latest issue that sends SS into a rage is school work. SS14 is failing 5 classes and will go to summer school if he does not complete the work. The teachers have offered to help SS one on one and we got a tutor but both times SS flat out refused to work with them. DH told SS14 if he does not start doing school work he will end up in summer school. SS14 response was to say SS would kill himself first before he went to summer school. 

Now SS has NEVER  attempted Suicide or even self harm but he has hit both DH and BM in his fits of rage plus Purposely broke a few things. 

Yes the therapist knows all this. But since SS never amits anything to the therapist. 

So my question is do you think SS is just saying doing these things to get his parents to back down from forcing him to do things he does not want?? OR do you think this kid is a budding Serial killer???

Rags's picture

He is manipulating. Taking away the reward he gets for these manipulations is critical to modifying his behavior.

Web cams and microphones will go a long way to baring his ass with his therapist. Video and audio footage will shut this shit down in a hurry as there will be no need for the therapist's naivete about getting him to admit it.  When the facts are incontrovertible, there is no need for the manipulator to admit their crap... or not.

I would make damned sure that this kid's crap was recorded for posterity and so the professional help he is getting has more information than he has so they can put a stop to his bullshit.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

tog redux's picture

If he doesn't do it in school, it's because he understands the rules and structure of school and what he can and can't get away with.

The therapist doesn't need SS to admit to it to advise the parents on how to handle it. If he/she isn't advising them, find a new therapist.  If it were my patient, I'd tell them to take him to the hospital for evaluation every single time he does that, and then when they get home, to follow through with the consequences that were the trigger for his statements. If he's aggressive, call the police and have him taken to the hospital or charged with assault.

Chances are he won't assault you because he probably knows you'd call the police (I hope). If he truly needs psychiatric help, then the hospital is where he belongs. If he's manipulating, he won't do it much longer.  BUT, if you are fearful of him, you should protect yourself, up to and including moving out if needed.

Bostenstep12's picture

Only turns violent when pushed to do something he does not want to do. I have VERY little to do with him and most Certainly never dish out any requirements to SS. Honestly I'm hoping the school will step in(somehow CPS, school police ?) since niether BM or DH seem to want to force SS to do anything and this comes to a head. Meaning SS gets retrained and dragged off to the hospital for evaluation and Possible inpatient care. This will either help SS or Traumatize him to the point he will knock this BS off

tog redux's picture

He won't get admitted to the hospital for manipulative behavior. And CPS won't be called either.  

Why do you stay in this awful situation? Maybe you getting your own place would be the catalyst for DH doing something. You do realize that SS will not launch, right?

Bostenstep12's picture

I know SS won't get admitted into the hospital or CPS called for manipulating behavior. BUT the school is really putting Pressure on BM to get SS back to school which means BM is putting more pressure on SS. SS is Digging his heels in and will not cave. What I'm anticipating/hoping is SS will get to the point where he flips out on BM and punches her. Very likely could happen and BM either calls 911 or the Psychiatrist. At this point CPS or police would get involved. SS will lose his SHIT when this happens and would not put it past SS to start punching the police if they tried to take him away or go running out of the house screaming like a Lunatic. Now at this point SS will be viewed as a Threat to others and himself and be admitted to inpatient. 

The answer you about SS launching. Yes SS will not launch but I've already setting the stage for this. I've informed DH under NO Circumstance will SS live with us unless he pays rent and helps around the house once he turns 18. Now I know for a fact lazy SS will NEVER do either so will end up living with BM since she babies him. Now I should also mention I'm the one with the money in this relationship and I know DH would not be able to afford our house without my help Financially. 

tog redux's picture

Here's how it will likely go, or would go in my area:

SS flips out and punches BM.  BM calls 911. Police come and tell SS to cut it out and that they will arrest him next time (police hate paperwork for minors).  They tell SS and BM that BM needs to beat his ass more often, he's a bad kid. SS denies being suicidal or homicidal. Police leave.

SS will not fight the police. He is not stupid and knows they don't care about his manipulations but will tackle and handcuff him. He knows how to follow rules, he just doesn't do it at home because his parents are pushovers.

BM calls psychiatrist. Psychiatrist increases meds or refers to SS's therapist. 

CPS won't get involved because BM is taking him to therapy and psychiatrist so she's at least trying. 

LittleCloud9's picture

Tog is right. You cannot be mentally incapable of controlling your actions only at home. A dear friend of mine is bipolar and even in the middle of her worst episode I could tell her "You need to be nice or I'm going home." She was delusional and off her meds but she could still understand negative consequences and back off. Some kids have learned threatening self harm is like a free pass on behavior. It's so serious you can't ignore it. The home cameras are a good idea. If he is this manipulative and threatening self harm stops working, he might start telling stories about you guys hurting him. Protect yourself!

MaryBethC's picture

Your SS sounds similar to my OSS. Makes threats to kill himself or others, violent towards DH (when he was younger) still gets in fights with his SBs SF and school staff. Heard from ILs that he was threatened by a neighbor at BMs but knowing him it was probably the other way around. BM is crazy and delusional about the situation and thinks he's always innocent.


It sounds like a big part of your problem is manipulation from SS, the violence will just get worse as he gets older because bios are not putting him in his place (this should have been taken care of when it started) call the cops everytime he makes threats of suicide or threats against you and DH. Have him removed from the home every time either to stay at a medical facility or in police holding. Get DH ob to lay down the law with SS otherwise you need to just walk away.


Speaking from experience,this does not get better unless bios are parenting.

simifan's picture

9-1-1 should be called everytime he threatens suicide. He wants to be manipulative, he can sit in the crisis center for hours along with Mommy and Daddy. I am sure it will be fun for all. 

Honestly, with no consequences his behavior will only get worse. He will never launch. Hell, they can't even make him do school work. Run, now.