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DH made a dumbass move and now we don’t know how to get out of it. Please give Suggestions

Bostenstep12's picture

When DH and BM divorced 15 years ago DH made some Awful decisions. One has come back to bite us.

DH agreed to pay the first 100,000 for  EACH child for college. After the 100,000 has passed BM and DH will equally split the remainder. DH has two kids so this means DH will have to shell out 200,000 before BM starts sharing the cost! There is NOTHING in the divorce agreement that says the kids need to Maintain a certain grade point average or need to help pay. The only thing it says is the kids need to try and get grants/Scholarships NOT loans before DH pays anything. Well both kids have Horrible grades, played no sports and we are middle income family. Basically don't see either kid Qualifying for any financial help outside of DH. Older SS plans on going to college next year. 
 

So here is my question.  Are we screwed?? There is NO way DH can pay even 100,000 per kid. If DH can't pay then what? Can family court make DH take out a second Mortgage on our house to come up with the money? Is there anyway we can get out of this mess??

HowLongIsForever's picture

No clue if it would fly but check the wording on the grants/scholarships clause.

#1 if they don't bother applying they haven't done their part.  They'd have to show awards and/or rejections, no?  I suppose that would only work the first year, in theory.

#2 and likely a long shot but you could try to argue that trying for grants/scholarships more than just the application period.  Could it maybe be they didn't hold up their end of the bargain by essentially ensuring they would be rejected by way of their mediocre performance? 

I'm sure a lawyer could help with the situation to some extent.  A retainer would be a lot cheaper than college tuition.

Good luck!

Jojo4124's picture

It says if the kids apply for scholarships...implying they get some...if they don't then the deal is off....

If you go to an atty, if the amount can't be lowered, maybe add some clauses that the kids need to do in order for college to be paid...like maintaining the gpa, maybe require them to wait a year before college n go to the peace corps, or live on their own for 2 years and get real world experience....also you could mandate that they go to a community college for the first 2 years...its cheaper...one whose credits will transfer to a university. After done with community college, grades have to be x, you have to be working a job, etc. Have fun with it...but you need specifics or the kids will stay in college and use up all that money and may still not have a degree/career...

 

Good luck, plz post what happens!

 

tog redux's picture

Did you post about this before, or are there two men on this board who promised to pay 100K for each kid?

Has he consulted an attorney about having provisions for grades, etc added in?  My guess is that your skids won't make it in college anyway, but it would be good to have some boundaries around it - what grades they need to have, has to be before age 22, etc.

BM got DH ordered to help pay for college, but SS only made it a year. No surprise, it was a stupid plan to begin with.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

This sort of thing differs so much from state to state. He needs a GOOD family law attorney to advise him.

I'd be taking a hard look at finances and separating assets, just in case. Does your H earn enough to make this remotely realistic?

Bostenstep12's picture

DM makes a good middle class income BUT has a huge over 50k divorce bill from fighting BM in court for the last 7 years. He's paying his attorney 2k a month trying to pay it off. This added expensive has DH living pay check to pay check. If he's forced to pay $100k plus it will Financially ruin him. DH is already 47 so don't know how he would recover from this to have any kind of retirement

Stepmama2321's picture

Wow! I can't imagine making that kind of promise for my children!!! Unless he was a wealthy man when they divorced. That's absurd! Are they going to become doctors or what profession costs that much?! 

Bostenstep12's picture

The problem is BM always wanted the best for those brats. Obviously BM does NOT want the kids to share in ANY of the costs and wants them to have a totally free ride. If DH can't figure out how to get out of this it will Financially ruin him. If he works till 70 he only has 23 years till retirement. How will he pay over $100k off before this and this is only if kid number two does NOT go to college

BethAnne's picture

23 years x 12 months x $2000 = $552 000

$552 000 - $50 000 (divorce costs) = $502 000

$502 000 - $200 000 (college costs) = $302 000 remaining to cover any interest if there are loans, extra payments if the kids exceed $100k in expenses and hopefully there will be some remaining to put towards retirement/paying off mortgages etc. 

As I see it he can afford it. Now it might not be pretty and will be tight financially but it is totally possible given the payment plan he has set up now to pay for his divorce fees. I would use this calculation to stop panicing. First contact a lawyer to see if there are ways to limit his liability towards his kid's college expense. Then second your husband should find a way to earn more and spend less so that he can be more financially comfortable and ensure his retirement is covered.

Hopefully the kids will spend no where near that amount and then your husband will have saved up a good chunk of money that he can use in retirement. 

Miss T's picture

Your DH needs to see a lawyer STAT, but so do you. Don't use the same attorney he does. Your interests in this matter are not the same as your DH's, and you need a lawyer focused on protecting you. So find your own attorney and get separate advice tailored to you specifically. You may be looking at the need to go through the motions of divorce in order not to be responsible for your DH's debts, but in my view that is preferable to being/becoming liable for putting some other woman's crotch droppings through college.

StrawberryPie's picture

Are you guys married?  If so, like the poster above said, you need a lawyer stat!  If not, DO NOT BLEND YOUR MONEY with this guy.  

Winterglow's picture

Does the agreement define exactly what will be covered? I.e. tuition, books, transport but not living expenses? Does it give a time frame? Or can the kids benefit from this for decades to come?

Bostenstep12's picture

No mention of kids having to pass classes,age limit, limit on how many  "degrees" they can try out...All it says is Father will pay the first 100k PER KID for college them mother will Equally share the cost with father. So basically they could start college at 25, fail out of one major, pick another and start all over again and daddy has to pay fully up to 100k per kid. 

justmakingthebest's picture

The kids are going to have to be the one to take him back to court to enforce this- according to our lawyer. DH has to pay 1/2 of SS's college too but we have the GI bill to cover it. 

 

simifan's picture

Your DH is an idiot. Unfortunately, he agreed to it and it is legally binding. He should a lawyer, but really he is screwed. 

Thisisnotus's picture

How does someone who doesn't have a 100k pay for it?

i guess if it were me I would just have to be thrown in jail by family court.....I mean where does the money come from?

justmakingthebest's picture

Does it say that the kid gets to pick their college. What if he says that he will only pay for community college for the first 2 years? He would still be paying for college. I can't see how a judge could find him in default if he gave them notice of what he was willing to pay for. 

still learning's picture

I would suggest that DH get very involved in his kids schooling right now. If skid is off to college next year then he and DH should be meeting with the school counselor to see what skid's best options are. Counselor can point skid in the direction of any scholarships or aid he may be available for.  There are SO many scholarships out there that are not based on grades or sports.  Often you just have to write an essay about something and submit it.  DH should be involved in helping skid search out these scholarships and applying for them.  I read the book "Tiger Mom" and DH will need to become the equivilent of a Tiger Dad if he wants this to work.  DH should also insist that their first two years are completed at community college which is cheaper tuition, smaller campuses, and more resources to help students succeed whereas freshmen can get lost and overwhelmed in a large university setting.  

If DH is already paying off his lawyer i would advise against adding to his current bill.  His lawyer may not even see him until the previous balance is paid off.  The CO is the bible he will be living by until that $100k is paid, he needs to read every line and know exactly what it is he signed up for.  Unless there is a drastic change of circumstances like BM won the lottery or DH became completely disabled there is no way he will be able to dodge this.  He should start looking at loan options now so he can get the best deal.  Make sure he saves all the receipts and can prove when he's hit his 100k mark.  

Keep your finances separate so your money does not get taken if the situation goes south.  The kids can apply for financial aid FAFSA on either parent doesn't have to be the custodial one, so make sure they apply on the one with the least amount of income/assets.  

I know it's not "fair" but men do stupid guilt ridden things when they divorce.   In all, DH will have paid BM approx $150k in alimony by the time his obligation is done. That's on top of the half of everything she got plus half of his pension.  Then he also supported his adult kids and certain family members for about 10 years due to his guilt.  It was a ridiculous situation and DH has had to work overtime for over 15 years and do several side jobs to meet the demands.  ss's are already circling because they know that DH's obligation to BM ends soon. They think he'll have a chunk of money freed up. It never ends.  

nappisan's picture

wow DH is a silly silly man, i bet BM had the documents drawn up and he signed away not thinking it would bite him later ,,, well it always does!   Bostenstep I hope you have your money separate or at least a little bit tucked away because this is your future if you dont see a lawyer stat! as everyine above says, get your own lawyer away from your DH's , you need your own advice to protect you!   This is highly unfair and he certainly got the raw deal here but at the end of the day he is a grown man and agreed to those terms of the divorce and signed it,,, it sounds like his lawyer gave him some bad advice too!       I hope this man is worth it for all this in your life ...... you need to think hard about that 

Sunfairy's picture

Get a different lawyer than last time and have them read that piece of the court order. It doesn't seem enforceable, since the kids (presumably)will be adults when they go to college AND they probably aren't parties to the divorce court order. 

Harry's picture

I can't see how he is or has to pay for college at $100,000 if he can not afford it.  Where is that money coming from.? 
If he doesn't pay, what are they going to do.  Make him pay it off at $100 a month?  You and DH must live, eat, work, have a car ect,ect.  

Rags's picture

As described, these kids have about zero chance of successfully completing a single part time semester of remedial classes at a community college much less ever getting into a 4yr school and completing an undergraduate degree.

If I were DH in this situation I would get a lawyer, determine what leeway is possible in the $100K per Skid college support.  I would agree to pay it, put stipulations in that they have to take out loans at the beginning of each semester and pass all classes with a C or better. In which case DH will pay that semester's loans off.  Lather, rinse, repeat. There will be zero payment for any failed class or for retaking a failed class.   Even if they pass it on a subsequent attempt.  They get one attempt that is eligible for reimbursement of that semesters loans.  I would declare myself in compliance with the divorce agreement and get on with life.  Best case, they actually earn a degree.  Worst case, they pass nothing, take out $tens of thousands in loans that DH will not pay since they earned no credit, and they loans are in their names.  DH has to be smarter than both his toxic XW and his idiot failed family spawn.

He needs to play the game to win, and do not tolerate his failed family to ruin his life or yours. If that means his X and their failed family progeny fail in life. So be it.

Good luck.