You are here

family get together

SugarSpice's picture

my fil passed away last week and the family flew out for the funeral. i flew back quickly because of my job responsibilities.

dh is the oldest son so stayed with his mother to sort out his fathers belongings.

youngest sd is between jobs so was invited to stay and help her father with cleaning and sorting family items.

dh is just crazy in love with sd. its like he is a smitten teenager in her presence. he smiles and gets all silly when he is near her. she cot a great job last year on grant and thinks she is gods gift to men. she us getting married in the winter, so his head is all fun of the wedding plans.

i can see dh right now just crazy in the presence of ds who he thinks is the perfect woman. i can just see the silly grin on his face as he goes thru his fathers things with his dear daughter. every time he speaks to me over the phone he is just curt and then bitches about the bills and my family business.

i wonder if this young womans marriage will last. she is was too stuck on her father as prince charming. she refers to her father as her bff.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I am wondering if YOUR marriage will last. He gushes all over her, but treats you like poop. This sounds like his typical behavior. I'd be cutting the conversation short the minute he started acting beeyotchy. "Sorry, dear, I have another call coming in that I have to take." "I'd love to talk with you, but I REALLY need to use the bathroom."

notsobad's picture

I once dated a guy like this. It didn't last long.
He gushed over his 16 year old daughter, he went on and on about how perfect and wonderful she was.
It was when he said "I spent my life looking for the perfect woman, turns out I made her" :sick: that I knew I wouldn't be seeing him again.

Creepy, creepy, creepy!

robin333's picture

"Spouses - spouses tend to bitch and complain and nag and don't shine with unconditional love."

We live in very different worlds.

robin333's picture

Yes, I am lucky but hardly unique. Many spouses have unconditional love for each other and are committed to supporting their spouse being their best.

SugarSpice's picture

not in this forum. do you think wed all be here in this forum if it was perfect for us? seriously?

if you will look in this forum there is a lot of mini wife and mini husband on this board.

notasm3's picture

I am so tired of hearing "the marriage is work" crap. I haven't found that to be true at all. My DH is not perfect and neither am I - but we actually really, really LIKE each other. We are fairly nice people who treat others (including each other) with respect. How much work is that?

Parenting is a hell of a lot more work. Especially if done right. Virtually every parent who actually places boundaries and tries to teach their child not to be a selfish ass is going to hear "I hate you".

I think self-centered asses who expect everything to always go there way are in for a lot of "issues" or call it "work" when they marry. But decent, caring, loving, and respectful human beings do pretty much what comes natural for them - which is to try to be a good person who does not use and abuse others.

That does not mean Utopia 24/7 - but I also don't think it means slogging through tons of crap and calling it "work".

I have friends who met their husbands very young and who have now been married for 50 years or close to it. None of them describe their marriages as "work". They think it's been great and wonderful. No not 24/7 bliss but just "good".

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Robin, I'm with you. My DH and I are not like that. Neither were my parents. Naturally, everyone has disagreements, but to consider this the TYPICAL behavior/actions of a spouse is very, very strange to me.

iluvcheese's picture

I don't know what to say to this other than, do not be a b to someone when their parent dies. Vent it here only. Your DHs behavior towards his BD seems a bit over the top to me, especially from other posts I've read about how he treats her versus you, but I wouldn't say a word about it in this circumstance.

SugarSpice's picture

i am holding my tongue. dh usually thinks sd is the most perfect women in the world: beautiful, great cook, bla bla bla.

you are right about the circumstnaces so i did not say anything.

notasm3's picture

I have been married for several years to my DH. I do not nag, bitch and whine. Nor does he. Almost every day he spontaneously tells me how much he loves me and our life together. And I know that he means it.

But the sweetest thing he ever said was:
"He liked that he loved me - but he LOVED that he liked me."

My friends adore him and tell me all the time what a "keeper" he is. Yes he unconditionally loves his son - but I am not in the least bit threatened by that.

My cousin and her DH have a wonderful daughter. Really she is as close to perfect in my mind as someone can be - for real. Her father is so proud of her. But in no way does he ever elevate her over his wife.

So yes I do believe that it is possible for a person to be "more in love with their child" than their spouse - but it is so not necessary. One can think their child is wonderful (especially when they really, really are) without having to degrade their spouse.

And Heavenlike - you throw out the term "you are jealous" like it's a character default. Sometime one IS jealous when your partner treats you like sh*t compared to his one true love - whether it is another woman, a daughter or even a son. Jealousy is NOT necessarily a reflection of the jealous person being bad.

FieryEscape's picture

Excuse me while I gag.....

It's great he loves his kid ...congrats to him.... He deserves a cookie.

The Daddies that put their daughters up on pedestals , like the OPs , often make the mistake of alienating thier wives and creating even more dysfunction in blended hell. If my SO gushed on and on about how his daughter was the perfect woman ....I'd be so turned off.