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Extra curricular activties

BeckyTussell's picture

My DH suffers from "Divorce Father guilt" which has resulted in spoiled needy SS. SS are very active in sports year round. Basketball winter, little league spring, soccer summer, football fall. Those of you who have kids in sports know how demanding this can be with at least one practice during the week and one game every weekend. Now DH has SS 50/50 so of course we go to all the games/practices when we have SS but DH feels he must attend every game/practices that falls on BM's parenting time too. This is partly because SS is spoiled and expects his father to be at every game/practice. Also do to the fact SS has never been taught to do anything for him self and his parents do everything for him my DH 90% of the time has to be assistant coach to basically hold SS's hand. This being said its very difficult for us DH and I to go away say for the weekend. Like I said there are games every weekend and they ALLWAYS fall like 1 or 2pm so it kills the whole day. So we basically plan our trips between when one sport is ending and another in beginning or just take day trips.

My question is this normal??? Am I just being selfish? Does your DH attend weekly events that don't fall on his parenting time on a regular bases?

thinkthrice's picture

S-l-o-w-l-y back off from attending the endless games. If DH wants to go, god bless. I'm sure you can think of a million different practical things to do rather than bleacher butt parking.

Get creative akin to the creative excuses that a PASed out skid comes up with for not visiting his/her father. Salon appt, spring cleaning, national dill pickle day...

ndc's picture

It doesn't sound unusual to me. My SO attends all of his daughter's T-ball games and practices, even on BM's days. He doesn't have to - BM is there to watch and take her home - but he wants to. Mercifully he doesn't expect me to go to every one; I go when I want to.

fourbrats's picture

My parents, who were married until my father passed away, attended every game, practice, event (and my dad coached) we had. And 99% of the events their grandchildren had. I attended every game, most practices, and coached, as did my DH, even if it was my ex husband's time. It is normal for parents to be at at least every game and most practices. That is just part of parenting to me whether the parents are together or not. DH and I do the same for our two together. We attend their events. DH coaches. Hell I even work at the school my youngest attends.

notarelative's picture

In this area whether you stay for practice or not (for most parents) depends on the age of the child. A four or five year old is a yes. By age eight only a very few stay for practice. All others it's drop off and pick up. By age ten, if you stay, your child is most likely begging you not to. (By this age most kids want some independence.)

Games here almost everyone attends.

Maxwell09's picture

We deal with the sports, but DH has majority custody and BM is constantly at all practices even on days that aren’t on her days. It makes no sense that there’s four of us there for practices but I’m the one who brings him. DH meets me there and BM will show up with someone (because she can’t do anything alone) so we’re all there. She loves encroaching on DH’s time and it used to bother us but not anymore. She’s leaving work early and sitting on her phone for at least an hour just for him to say “hi” which he doesn’t alwayd do because contrary to her belief, he doesn’t revolve around her. He could care less if BM comes or not. But this year DH is working on Saturdays so he won’t make it to the soccer games so I’m also going to rain check those. I don’t like soccer. I have a toddler who can’t sit down; why would I do that to myself just to be seen? I’m not. I don’t need to lurk on the sidelines to remind SS I exist like BM.

My advise is to go when he needs you, don’t go when it’s unnecessary because you’ll get burnt out and accept BM can be there, it’s her kid and she has the right even when it unnecessary. Let her waste her time.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Your question if this is normal is hard to answer. For some families yes. For others no. My uncle before he died was just as involved in his youngest sports. Even at a young age he would be at every practice and game. Outside of those they were still outside practicing.

On the other hand my parents did almost nothing concerning my sports. My mother maybe made 3 of my races the whole 6 years I was running. She was still very supportive though. She loved to hear about them and always somehow found the money I needed for whatever.

The thing is your not wrong to want time to do something else. You need to work with your partner and he may still say he's not going to miss anything. You choice is do you continue this same level of engagement or do you plan a weekend out with the girlfriends now and then.