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DH changing work hours next week?

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

I overheard DH discussing a change in his work hours next week.  He has not discussed anything with me yet and I swear to God I hope I misheard him...

ss14 has been living with DH parents since January.  They took him in (which is funny because BM has consistantly promised ss everything under the sun if he goes live with her) after the sexual behavior toward my son.  The in laws took him in but making DH do the transportation to and from school until winter break (that is in 2 weeks) when ss14 will be permanently moving in with BM.  It does not involve me or my son so I say absolutly nothing.  But this schedule change will have DH getting ss14 at 630 at the latest and bringing him here in the am.  I dont leave to take DS7 to school until 7 (his school drop offs begin at 710).  I am in panic mode because I will be forced to be stuck with the degenerate now.  

DH thinks we should all just get along.  I am not ready to look at the kid let alone fogive him.  He is a nasty vile pedo that I do not want around myself let alone my son.  The kid has never had remorse and this time is no different.  No remorse and no punishment.  I am tired of rearranging my life for that kid.  I do not forgive quickly (let alone forget) and having that abusive POS in my face each and every day is not going to do anything but make my blood boil even more.  

ESMOD's picture

At this point, you probably should say you overheard and want to make sure that he knows that you expect him to respect the boundary of his son not being in your home.  

Perhaps the ONLY compromise is that it would happen only when your DH knows you and your son are not at the home.. so if he picks him up at 630.. he cannot come to the home until after 7am (when you and your son have left)... I would reiterate... this has nothing to do with "getting along".. that his son behaved in a totally unacceptable way with your son.. and he has expressed no confession.. nor remorse for what he did.. and his dad should be mortified that his son behaved like that.. and without intervention.. his son is likely to be charged by some other parent's and there will be little to nothing his father will be able to do to save him.. so if he loved his son.. he would deal with it NOW.

Again.. you can't force him to deal with it.. but you can enforce your boundary which is that his son has no contact with you or your son.  I suppose you could also ensure you are out the door yourselves.. asap to reduce any crossings too.. but this should be your DH's issue to fix.

Mominit's picture

I assume DH is getting SS at 6:30am because that's the absolute latest he can without being late to work?  So it's not likely possible to ask him to keep SS away from the house for another half hour? (Or is it that he gets off work and 6:30am is when it's most convenient to pick SS up?)  Either way, I don't think I'd ask him to keep SS away from the house for half an hour.  That would likely just end up with DH killing half an hour and letting SS sleep in, or picking up SS at 6:30 anyway and taking him out to breakfast to kill the time.  Either seems like a reward to SS.

Since it's only 2 weeks I'd let your DS know he can sleep in a little and skip breakfast at home.  You're taking him out to breakfast every day for weeks.  You'll still drop him off at 7:10, but he gets the reward of time with mom and pancakes every day for two weeks rather than SS getting the treat (or being stuck in the same house for half an hour).

Edited to Add:  I agree with posters below.  JUST SAY NO!!  But since your DH is being an a$$, the above is what I would do if he doesn't see reason.  We can all say "Tell him no.  Refuse to let him in".  But unless you're prepared to call the police and get a restraining order on behalf of your son, it's entirely possible that you'll say No, your H will say Yes and your BS pays the price when H brings SS over any way.  If you can't get your H to see reason, start with keeping BS out of harms way for the next two weeks.  And for goodness sake, give some thought to why you're standing by your H who seems to have no moral compass.

simifan's picture

He sexually assaulted your son, a child half his age. This would be my deal breaker. If he did this to a female, he would be facing charges. Honestly, I'm not sure why he is not in this instance. Either he stays out of your and DS's life and home, or you need to move out. Your son should not be abused in his own home. 

justmakingthebest's picture

No. It's a really simple word and sometimes we wives forget that we can use it. 

NO- SS can't come to the house.

NO- SS can't be in the car with DS.

NO- SS can't be around me.


Yesterdays's picture

Saying No ls going to have to be a firm and hard boundary. Because the alternative is far worse. You have to tell him No, and mean it. You can't have him around you or your child. Period. 

Winterglow's picture

Maybe it's time you went nuclear. Use the words that are as crude as you want. Your husband needs to be sincerely scared for his future. His pedophile of a son will NEVER darken your door again and if he so much as crosses the threshold, you will call the cops IMMEDIATELY. Put the fear of god into him. He is protecting a sexual deviant and could well be prosecuted along with his offspring..

Get along together? Is he effin' STUPID? What doesn't he understand?  He can move out and go and live with his spawn somewhere else... until the kid gets caught for interfering with another kid. 

PS- WORSE, he's making decisions behind your back to try and force your hand! How effin' devious and underhand can you get?! How DARE he?! How could you ever trust him after that? I think what bothers me most is that he knows what his son did but doesn't think he did wrong. That alone would make me wonder about his moral compass and what else he thinks "normal". 

SteppedOut's picture

Seriously, OP, I do not know how you could not have went nuclear on your husband already. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Most definitely this. Nuclear is necessary to get your DH to remove his head from his posterior. 

Yes, your DH has an obligation to his son (getting him into therapy asap should be priority), SS in your home is NOT acceptable. 

If your DH insists the sexual deviant come to your home, call the police. Then call your lawyer about divorce.

CLove's picture

I feel this is in your future. Your husband (there is no dear here) is facilitating the normalization of major league deviancy.


Survivingstephell's picture

You will protect your son and aren't afraid of using legal means to do it.

 I agree going nuclear is an appropriate approach in this case.  Your son is counting on you.  

Rags's picture

the table.

File a RO/PO against SS to keep him away from your home and young child.

You can take most of the issues with SS-14 out of everyone elses hands if you take action against the Perv with Law Enforcement.

I would.

That DH did not immedialtey have theTodler mollesting teen and the teen friend arrested and removed from the home in order to protect his todler son says far more about DH than just about anything could.



Mominit's picture

This.  So much this.

ndc's picture

I would bring it up with H immediately.  Let him know that SS cannot be in your home.  Maybe the inlaws can take his sorry ass to and from school for 2 weeks. Or H can arrange Ubers for SS14.

You can't give even an inch on this, because who knows if BM will actually take and keep this kid? She didn't last time, she dumped him on the in-laws. You can't have any precedent for skid being allowed in the house post-sexual deviant display. There needs to be a hard boundary,  and the sooner you make DH 100% aware that the kid isn't setting foot in your house, the more time he has to make other arrangements.  


Merry's picture

There is never a reason to have your son in the presence of his abuser. Never. There will never be a time when you will all "just get along". Your H is dangerously delusional.

Nuclear. Hill to die on if there ever was one. 

Kloewent's picture

Why can't the kid take an Uber or a bus? Or the grandparents could do it for a couple weeks. If you let this go you are showing your son that you will only protect him until it is inconvenient for his father. 

Yesterdays's picture

Protect your child, at all costs. Do what you need to do to make this happen, for your child. Don't take No for an answer or let anyone stand in the way.