It has been a month
It's been just over a month since the disaster at New Year's when SS14 and his friend was highly inappropriate with my 7 year old. My husband took him to his mother's and i supposed i expected the boy to stay there. Nope. BM contacted DH parents and they took him in. I found out about a week later when DH mom and dad came over to get clothes. I was confused when they showed up with SS14 and hurried my son out the back door to my neighbor's house. SS walked in with a big ole grin on his face. While he was looking for clothes in his mess of a room, I felt berated by the inlaws as they made comments of having to change their lives around for this. I had had enough! i finally unloaded. I told them the nonscense of the last 10 years. Of how SS for YEARS told me each and every time he came home from BM's or their house how he doesn't have to listen to me. I told them of all the bad behavior and how I need to protect my child from his sexual deviancy.
They clutched their pearls and let me know that they would never tell ss14 anything like that! Boy was FIL pissed! I should have called them... I could have done that....they would have done this....Here is the thing...I married my husband and not them. My husband is the parent and I am not. They just reiterated how they have to protect ss14 from me (because i am mean and i yell-insert eyeroll), and i reiterated how i have to protect ds7 from ss sexual deviancy. I refuse to let anything else more happen to ds.
During the last month...ss14 has been staying up late (I still get the Microsoft XBox reports) , taking days off weekly from school (usually Thursdays), and failing 4 subjects in school. The semester just started but he has refused a few projects, and completely flunked tests. He has been caught on his phone in class and playing games on his computer in class. So this last 2 weeks, the in laws have decided that although they offered to keep and raise ss...they now cannot take him to school or get him from school...DH now gets him in the am and drops him in the evening...BM still gets him EOWE...but she cant deal with him full time yet from what I understand. IDK i ask few questions because none of the answers really make sense. The in laws are pissed because ds7 is not allowed over there if ss14 is there. But on the weekends when ss14 is gone they make zero effort to see ds. DH came home last night annoyed that he has to get up early and fight with ss14 to take him to school and drop him off in the evenings. (DH is lazy and while the inlaws home is a 15 min drive he will spend at least an hour gone). He made a comment about "if boys and girls would act right" he wouldnt be in this predicament. He just couldnt understand why I took that comment personally.
On the positive...since the inlaws are going out of town this coming weekend, DH is going to stay there with ss14. Ive decided that I am going to have a girls night out. I am snagging my sister and my daughter and her friend and we are going to have a tequila night out. I am quite excited. I havent had a night out in over 10 years with anyone. We couldnt ever make plans and when we did...they always got canceled due to ss, bm, or the in laws. I am done with that. I used to be this quick witted extrovert that never met a stranger....i am now a shy introvert that wants to hide. no more.
The moment your inlaws were
The moment your inlaws were at your door with SS.. they should have been refused entry. They can think what they want.. but your line in the sand is that your SS was not to be in that house.. if one of them wanted to pack his room up.. that's fine.. but he was no longer welcome in the home.
They can blame you. . but I would say.. "blame your son who has done a crappy job of parenting that kid.. he won't expose my son to his deviancy again."
this is what really pisses me
this is what really pisses me off is what i have become...i obviously let everyone push me around....DH was not home and they took me off guard with him being with them....i am tired of being weak...i am finding it more and more hysterical that while they were berating me for not calling them the first time ss said they told him he doesnt need to listen to me...they turned right around and called DH to ask if everything i said was true or not. DH backed me up but with all the huff they were throwing around about how i should have contacted them, they were not believing my story. Why would I tell people anything if they dont believe me? Wont call me a liar to my face but love to go behind my DH and backbite and whisper. Fed up with DH that is so far up their butt that he will do whatever they ask and i have never seen him defend me.
Hey.. I'm not the kid's
Hey.. I'm not the kid's parent.. your son is.. ask him why he didn't tell you all of this.. maybe he worried you would not want the little pos in your home either.
I would give zero "f''s about what they thought of me at that point.. like.. you don't believe me? fine.. I'm making this up for my own entertainment? right.. carry your selves out of my house.. and take the degenerate with you.
it's funny you say that...
it's funny you say that....they made some comment about how i am the mother ...i did stop them...i am the mother of 2 children...stepmother to 1 ....if DH and BM acted right then maybe he would have not acted this way...maybe,maybe not....stepmother means absolutely nothing legally....i cannot go to school meetings (the middle schools here forbid it for real), I dont take him to dr's appts...I. AM. NOT. THE. PARENT. i am not a new stepmom that is disillusioned on us being some sort of happy musical where i am the mommy forever....nope...and this is where i think step parenting is grand...NOT MY KID. i am tired of making excuses for ss (as the mom) I am tired of worrying over grades because ss is failing (lord...if he fails he will be getting his learners in middle school...) I am tired of my kids being victimized and mistreated and having to do withough due to ss ..i am the mom to one new adult (she is in college now) and one elementary child. i have fought for and tried to teach ss right from wrong. unfortunatly there were too many telling the kid not to abide. it's sad but i can wash my hands of the mess.
PUt taht POS in jail.
Get him on the predators list for life. His friend too. They both earned it.
If you DH or ILs say a word, give them clarity on how you will keep their noses rubbed in their shallow and polluted gene pool stench. Your child is lucky to have you to mitigate that crap.
Glad your backbone
Glad your backbone is growing back.
Its taken me about a year...or so.
They beat you down over time incrementally and over time you dont notice the little things and when caught off guard (thats a teqnique btw, keep you always off balance) you are more controllable.
Not any more.