Delivering 1st child in 2 wks and fiancee wants to start seeing his children from a previous marriage again
I am nine months pregnant with my first child. My fiancee has two children from a previous marriage. Until a few weeks ago when his grandmother passed on we have had really no contact with them for months at a time. He was asked to sign his rights over and her new husband was to adopt them. Now they carry her new exhusbands name and since she's gotten her recent divorce and moved in with a new boyfriend she wants him to start taking them again. She dragged us in and out of court so much and it makes me nervous to have any contact with her or the children. I am to deliver our child in 2weeks and now he wants to start integrating them into his and our lives. I feel like a real bitch but I don't want anything to do with those children or his ex. The reason she wanted us to sign over rights is because there was a paternity order we petitioned the court for regarding one of the children. Now everyone knows that the boy is not his but he still helped raise him for 10 years and claims to love him. I don't want to become the single mother but I don't see how this can be resolved. If he starts seeing the boys again and it makes me uncomfortable and unhappy, it will be affecting my son's life and mine. I don't want to end up resenting him and eventually hating the father of my son. What should I do? I don't even have the energy to deal with this stress in my condition and I am afraid the tension and hostility right now is affecting my unborn child. Some one HELP!!!!!
did you have the baby??
Hi,
I am new to this site and just came across your post. Your situation sounds so emotionally confusing, and I'm sure that all of those hormones are not helping you AT ALL!
It sounds as though your husband did sign his rights over, right? If that is the case, he doesn't sound very interested in either of the kids, and the Ex's pressure to make him have contact isn't going to make him actually WANT to have any sort of real intimacy with them. I would say that you have got to pull on the brakes here emotionally (if you can) and ride this one out, because you most likely won't be dealing with all of the issues that you are anticipating based on what information you have put out here in your post.
In other words, it doesn't sound like your husband is going to give you any reason to 'resent him!' You are about to have a baby, and are projecting single motherhood onto yourself with nothing substantial to warrant it! Does this sound like support, or tough love, cause I don't mean to sound preachy, but I'm just not getting where all of the worry is coming from!! Is there more to the story than this?
Being pregnant is SO HARD and especially towards the end...and having a newborn just about drove me crazy with fatigue (both times) so I hope that you are doing ok!! Please touch base if you are on the site and give us an update!
Good luck!
If he signed them over...
then its just like adoption imo. A done deal. I'm afraid from reading your post you really need to tell him NO. So don't feel guilty, you shouldn't have had this sprung on you. But you also don't have to accept it, so don't be afraid to be firm!
Wow, I really feel for you.
Wow, I really feel for you. I would first tell him to leave it all alone until after the birth. He did decide to sign off on the children, so imo he needs to focus on you and the family you have together. Once he gave them up they aren't his. They are the man's and his ex's now. After the birth I would strictly tell him no, and go from there.
I can see you not wanting to
I can see you not wanting to be involved with the EX, but his other kids? Are you jealous? They are his children, even if the other one is not biological he still see's your Fiance as his father and should not be denied the right to have a relationship with him. They may be great kids, they might also be helpful in entertaining your little one.
I think your hormones might just be out of wack. My oldest son's father has gone back & forth with wanting to sign over his rights - reason he wants to sign them over (avoid paying child support) reason he doesn't (he's a father, my son is his child) and he doesn't want to give him up.
I think if you give him any ultimatums that he will always choose his blood & a child that has come to love him like a father. What did these children do, to make you want nothing to do with them?
Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.
BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.
I really think that she is
I really think that she is just being throw for a loop. The man gave up his rights and now suddenly he has had a change of heart (which he is allowed to do) but it is unfair to expect her to be ready for such a big change all of a sudden, so close to the end of her pregnancy. I think that the suddenness of it all is what has confused her. When you meet a man with children you slowly get worked into the situation. This guy hasn't had a relationship with the kids for a while by his own choosing and now thru a wrench in the tire. She just needs some time to adjust to the idea and I really think that she will step up to the plate.