is this crazy or what?
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Now that school is out we have gone to our summer schedule where the BM picks up my skids two times per week in the early morning (per Court order). My husband has custody of my skids. Let me start from the beginning..she is never on time for anything and always looks to my husband to remind her of things she has to do and when she has to pick them up..he doesn't do it though he says check the papers. Anyway, she now has her son call her in the morning to make sure she is up and doesn't oversleep. Does anyone else think this is crazy? I feel that she is turning to her son now 15 for him to remind her of things and to give her wake up calls. Any advice? I think this is wrong.. Anyone think that this is okay?
My SD instisted on calling BM the day she had visitation...
Swearing that BM would forget if she didn't. Forget? BM has continually reduced visitation since we got FC, by telling SD that she had to work extra, or got a new job that requires her to work every weekend, but cannot pick up an extra weeknight to make up the difference. When BM conceded custody her atty wrote in the new agreement that she get SD one full week each month of the summer. That was three summers ago and BM never has asked for it, or even acknowledged DH when he's mentioned it to her. She closes the discussion saying, "I'll have to check my schedule." Of course now she does that even on her one day a week she was still taking. Hasn't had her in over a month at all due to SD's 2 week trip and BM's claims of being out of town the few weeks before as well as after. SD talked to her on our way back from IL's this weekend for a few mins, and asked BM when she would be home from "Florida." BM said she didn't know. SD said for BM to call her whenever she found out, and asked if they could switch from Th to Wed as SD has soccer ever TH in the summer. "That way we'd have more time together...oh? Ok...well...whatever's convenient for you of course....when will I see you again? Oh. Ok...well whenever you find out give me a call and let me know, ok?"
etc etc etc.
I swear I don't know whether to be angry with BM, or jealous of her ability to come and go as she pleases with her own daughter. I can't do that with her myself and SD doesn't treat me so generously.
Sita Tara
I feel the same way...I don't know whether to be jealous or mad.. She does whatever she wants and its okay.. I feel that my SS shouldn't do what he does but it is his mother so i go along with it but I wonder if he realizes what she is doing? Does he?
I think they fear losing them completely
So they over compensate in how they relate to them, always trying to coddle their moms in order to keep BM around. Sadly, I know that it will not work forever. BM continues to pull away.
By the way, we didn't let her call BM once on a once a week pick up and BM didn't come. Not because she forgot though SD was convinced it was her fault (well ours) for not calling. BM didn't show b/c she was not feeling well, ie having a break down moment and wanting to stop visitation. Dh reached BM the next day, telling her that SD was concerned b/c BM doesn't no show/not call. BM told him that she was ready to forget about seeing SD, b/c it's so stressful and just "isn't worth it."
The next week she called and talked to SD like nothing happened, picked her as usual.
It seems to stress me out more than SD, who seems to have given BM a free pass.
Sita I know exactly how you
Sita I know exactly how you feel. When BM lets the kids down and does the same come/go and she wants and still has her butt kissed..ticks me off! Yet as soon something on my part of their dad's doesn't go the way they want it's the end of the world. While BM is being the party girl, my husband and I are the ones raising them, being the responsible ones. Now I really don't mind raising them but BM likes to think she had such a big part in raising them.
Sorry Gana got off topic, I apologize. Somehow your husband should sit your 15 yr SS down and explain to him that he is a teenager not his mother's keeper. She can buy an alarm clock like many of us have out here in the real world. I would start documenting what times she shows up (if you can). Then bring it to the courts attention and explain to them that you would like her to be on time. No one should have to wait on her. I sure as heck wouldn't. You could even bring it to the courts attention that she is making him be her personal alarm clock and he shouldn't have to be. She is supposed to be an adult not a child. Heck my kids are 10 and 11, they have been waking up to an alarm clock since they were 8 and 9 yrs old. I still get up with them at the same time but with them having one also it means they get out of bed to shut it off themselves and that gets them motivated in the mornings! Sorry so long hon, good luck.
I find this sad
What is it doing to those kids to have to remind their moms to visit them?
Regarding how the skids buck against you, stick to your guns. My DH did and this year he got a great card from hell on wheels SD who finally grew up and realized that his being a parent was the right thing. She's pretty sick of her "I'm their friend" mom.
LizzieA
Thank you.. I can't wait for that day