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Just wondering

FuBaR's picture

Its been awhile since I post any drama in my life..But yesterday while we were at a local amusement park, I noticed the BM's live in BF..I guess my DH caught me looking at this guy, and was like whos that Im like oh noone..He was like no really I saw looking at him, and I swear I only glanced..But anyways I tell him because DH has never seen him, I saw him a few times when I was picking the skids up..He goes on to almost get in this mans face, looking like a fool he was like damn he looks like a nerd and starts laughing..Then Im like stop starring he said well you know what he looks like I want to also, so I go on to say why would you give a flying fuck what he looks like..He goes on to act like a jealous exhuband which pisses me off..Then he tries to get pissed at me for getting mad at him, but I feel I had a right too..If he gets mad looking at her new man making fun of him and name calling..Doesnt that make him seem jealous and therefore if he is jealous he must have some kind of feelings for her..I know I could care less who any of my ex's date marry live with..Why because I dont care for them they can do whatever they want too..Did you guys think I overreacted to him acting this way or do I deserve to get pissy??? Because right now Im so mad that Im ready to throw in the towel..


WowjustWow's picture

this is fairly normal ex-spouse behavior. He may hate her guts, but he will also hate anyone that is with her.

I don't think it's jealousy per say.

BridgingTheGap's picture


FuBaR's picture

I could have understood if he wanted to know if he was a good person, to be around the kids..But he really acted like a jealous man.. Thank you for making me feel justified for getting pissed..

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

BMJen's picture

DH and I have talked about this exact situation at times. I've told him that it's going to be hard when she starts seeing someone. Some part of his still has to feel like she's his ya know, after all those years of being together. He assures me I'm dead wrong though. He says he'll be relieved and happy for her to find someone. Relieved that she'll find someone else to bitch at and leave us alone, and happy that she has a man in her life to ask to change her tires etc instead of asking him all the time.

He would want to meet someone who is going to be around the kids. Who wouldn't.

Sounds like your DH was jealous. Maybe he does still have feelings for her to have that kind of a jealous streak pop out.

FuBaR's picture

But he doesnt have to stare at this man and insult him with harsh names, when this man has done nothing to my husband..I would have felt better if he would have introduced himself instead of looking like an ass..And making me feel like theres still something there which Im certain there is now after watching him make a fool of myself and him.. Bet he wouldnt like if I acted to care who one of my recent exs dated..

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

melis070179's picture

My ex-husband is like this with my DH...and yes, its jealousy. He will freely admit he is jealous that my DH moved into "his position" in our family. He is jealous that my DH is with "his wife" and "his son" and he now feels "like an outsider in my own family". He's obviously dellusional because I am not his family, only our son is, but in his mind we are all still one family. I've said before, I will pity the girl that ends up involved with him, and she's going to hate me over it!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

BMJen's picture

I would be taken aback as well. And if he would have just said "well I want to meet the guy that's spending time with my kids" you would have totally understood. That kind of behavior would have made me think the exact same thing. Why would he care who she's with and what the dude looks like? You said it yourself, you don't care what or who your x may date, so why would your hubby? Very suspicious.......

kaffonseca's picture

I definitely would've questioned it too..that was excessive. Not to defend your DH because it does sound like he was acting jealous..but men like their ego's stroked. It's probably jealousy but not in the fact that he still has feelings for her. It's kind of like her always wanting to be #1..I think men are apt to feel that way too. My FH saw a man in BM's house once when he had a drop off and he could care less. But my XH STILL talks shytt about whoever I'm with (10 yrs later and he has moved on twice and had more kids..etc.) But he'll still throw in insults about my FH's looks,etc.

fruitloop's picture

Your DH just did the exact same thing that we, as SM's, complain that the BM's do to us.

BM's hate us from the word go - for no other reason than they are insecure and can't stand the thought of "their" man being with another woman.

Well, it sounds to me like your DH just got himself caught up in that same stupid way of thinking.

FuBaR's picture

and he is now pissed off at me for being mad at him..Like I did something wrong and how I like to turn things around to make him look like the bad guy..Well guess what fool you do that all to well on your own without any help from me..I dont ever compare myself to my exhusband gf she is a delight Ive never had a problem with her she treats my children just as well as her own lil girl..And he is very pretty we actually modeled together when we were younger..I guess I dont understand the concept of trying to better than someone else..The current husbands exwife is an ugly woman inside and out nor do I compare myself to her, she is what she is and I am what I am a COMPLETLY different person..Its just really annoying for him to always get mad at me when he is in the wrong and then tries to make me out to be the one who is ALWAYS causing troubles in our marriage..Hell I dont work started to but he asked me to quit I dont do anything outside of the house, only occasionally I feel like Im giving and giving and very seldom getting anything back..I know Im wrong sometimes but hell I cant be all the time..I think this man is bringing my self worth to a staggering all time low..

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

Tara12's picture

Hey girl the way that you just described him sounds like one of these crazy BMs when they see their ex w/someone new. I don't know so much if it was jealously or if it was just resentment on his part because he knows this bf is around his kid(s) on a regular basis and he is not and maybe that hurts him and in turn he is taking it out on you and then acting stupid by making insults about this guy that he doesn't even know. I could be wrong but that is the way I interpreted it. Just a thought. I don't seriously think he gives a rats patootie about BM.

tribe's picture

so what is their story? i mean what caused their split- your dh and his ex? i know i have to shake my head into place often cuz mine didn't want to leave, and she kicked him every now and then, when i really want to have a BIG pity party for myself, I tell myself all sorts of wacky stories that involve him always being in love with her, and that he would go back and leave us. Anyhow, i KNOW It isn't true. I am 110% confident i'd have to kick him out myself...but i still hear the record in the background....he wanted to stay...he wanted to make it work...
poor me...
anyhow,i know that little lie is planted somewhere in my head, so at least i am aware when i think he likes her or is doing things for her etc.
being aware really only makes me look/feel stupid
anyhow, just wondering what the story was and maybe it effects how he feels

if she dumped him, he also has rejection issues that he probably hasn't dealt with. and what you thought was jealousy was really him trying to stroke his own ego and assure himself he's not that bad of a guy. NOT THAT he wants to be right for her...but needs assurance that YOU think he is all that. that you would rather be with him than "her new guy" sounds funny eh? I think one of the things i reassure my dh with is that i think his ex was absolutely nuts to not want him. he is the most wonderful father and lover and its totally her loss. having said that....she had her chance and he's mine now and there is a very thin line she might never want to cross...