Corona Arrangement
I've read so many blogs on this site and just now decided this may be a healthy coping mechanism to vent .
My DH has three boys between the ages 7-10 and we have a daughter whose almost one. I normally struggle on our regular routine (Every other week arrangement ) when they first come back from their Moms and the couple days before they leave. But with this social distancing going on we've moved it to two boys during our week and one rotating every two days with mom, and on her week vice versa. It has been difficult the youngest SS (7) has a bathroom problem and anger issues so the last week I was cleaning up disgusting messy pants and dealing with angry and sometimes violent outbursts. Usually this wouldn't be so unbearable but I am stuck at home while DH goes to work and does all our shopping. I never see my family like I use to. When he gets home he's either still working or on his phone . I've been cleaning up after the kids dealing with their obnoxious behaviours all day and he wonders why I'm grumpy. I can barely smile anymore. I'm trying, I get he needs me to be with the kids so he can work, I don't think that's fair I'm with them all the time now before we had a week break now there is no rest period . No catch up on house work as I'm the only one who does any. Anytime I try to bring this up DH says im selfish and don't understand his work load . I'm tired and fed up anybody have any way to deal with this?
He is selfish, Making you deal with
His kids when he goes off to work. If he is not home this kid should be with him, or his BM, or a safe babysitter.
This Kid needs professional help, Him not getting this kid help he needs, make him a bad patient. Your are not responsible for his bad parenting. seems like he is the one not understand anything
They have went to a general
They have went to a general doctor but not a specialist. He argues the child needs love not discipline. That he shouldn't get in trouble for swearing, throwing tantrums. Pooping/peeing his pants (it is a behavioural issue not a medical ) it's stressful because it just causes arguments between us. Because I don't trust him with my infant daughter and don't want her to one day pick up the bad habits I'm hoping it gets better . But it is hard to get him to listen. And his parents fear the virus so cannot help and the mother is overwhelmed he says if I can't bare through this tough time I'm being selfish. Until reading your response I was starting to believe that was true .
This is not fair to you
It is not your problem his youngest kid has problems. If he "needs love" - he needs it from his father not you. It is also not your problem the mother can't handle it. I would put my foot down - the brat needs to be at the mother's house not yours, if all of the work is going to fall to you. Your husband is expecting way too much of you - he is insane. And he is a gaslighter too - how dare he tell you that you are being selfish?! You sound like a very selfLESS person but you are getting walked over and taken advantage of. Cleaning up someone's else kid's shitty pants is a deal breaker. NO WAY. And my two cents - the kid needs discipline not "LOVE". Please.
Love not discipline? Really?
Love not discipline? Really? Love of a minor child includes discipline. If there is no discipline for inappropriate behaviors there is no true love.
And .... during this Corona quarantine period the Skids need to be at BM's. Period. Quarantined is quarantined and does not include shuttling kids back and forth in accordance with a visitation schedule. This what BM is paid to do by the CS that your marital resources pays her. You need to make sure that you are getting your money's worth.