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An unbelievable housework issue

Nottakingit's picture

If you've read my other posts you see my SO was abused(to the point he had ptsd/ptrs) and his kids grew up with him doing most of the housework. Once he got away from there he got into therapy and I also try to help him with any issues that come up. He's also disabled and can not drive(and I refuse to let him drive as it would be too dangerous)Soooo...his 22 year old moved in with us last year and we've been fighting with her about her responsibilities ever since.

Well yesterday she did the laundry. Or, I washed it and she was to take it to the laundry room to dry it bc I don't have a dryer and we use the apartment complex public laundry room for drying. SO has shown her repeatedly how to use the dryers but she always screws it up somehow and we end up having to run them again after she does this. Yesterday was the mother of all WTF moments- she brought the laundry back WET. Folded it and put some of it away. WET fucking laundry. When my SO realized this he questioned her and she got so defensive and had a fit about it and he yelled at her. I got home and he told me what happened And I tried asking her why she thought it was ok to fold it wet and she was like well I was confused when it kept coming out wet. I made it very clear if that ever happens again put it back in and dry it. 

She has Asperger's but no Aspie kid I've ever known would think it's ok to fold and put away a load of soaking wet laundry. My SO still has alot of work to do regarding expectations for his kids. And with this one if you ask her questions about something she does she freezes and won't answer so having conversations are impossible.

She also got fired for something I found out is her own fault that she had people believing was not. So we've been pushing her to find another job and she's being pretty lazy and coming up with reasons why every single opportunity is not the right one. I just planned a day I'm taking her out to all the temp agencies(which she is not happy about bc she doesn't want a full time factory job). I'm trying not to let her get a job working with customers, money, or anything she has to think fast, she'll just be fired again quick :/

Oh and we had this arrangement to keep the peace where she paid for lyft rides to and from work in exchange for her not helping around the house. So she's looking for a job close to home so lyft will be cheaper bc she doesn't know that she wants to do housework. I got bad news for her though...I'm going to make her anyway. My oldest child is staying with us a few months and she drives her own car and does like 1/4 of the housework. 

I'm trying to be reasonable here between her having Asperger's and being a lazy ambitionless child. I don't want to punish things she can't help but I don't know where the line is. She tends to be very dishonest to cover up when she's in trouble at work. It's too the point I never believe her version bc it usually turns out to be something different and her view of it is so...illogical.

Major Blunder's picture

My adult SKIDS don't have any diagnosed disabilities but they are lazy, I wrote a blog piece about the dishwasher once that was very much like your clothes dryer issue.  Seems that what is logical to us is not even close for some of these kids when it comes to housework.

sandye21's picture

I agree with the posters who suggest typing up instructions for her.  That would help with the structure she needs.  Some Aspergers people have a hard time with patience and waiting.  This might have been why the clothes were still wet.

Aspergers can affect people in varying degrees.  If she is able to get a job it isn't that debilitating but she might be ale to get some sort of disability and have opportunies for public assistance - guidance, rent, food, medical, etc.  It might be good for her to get out on her own.