Wow. Well. In the case of my DH, his BM doesn't have much of a job but always keeps her hair and nails done, drives a new car, and smokes 2 packs a day. Also, their child does not do ANY extra activities, and is only 3 sooo she doesn't cost that much. I mean, I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure that money is just keeping the BM primed and ready for big catch of the next poor bastard that comes along. Children aren't that expensive. Esp when the father is covering half of child car (his is separate from the support) and carryin insurance, and paying half of everything else. Seems to me like he isn't walking away, but paying for HIS half! She decided to carry the child to term and not give it up for adoption when it was born, it is her responsibility too. Children aren't paychecks, and that is how most of the BMs I know treat them when it comes to their father. I am a BM but I never once asked for child support, because I didnt think it was worth keepin a piece of shit in my son's life. He turned out fine without the 'extra support' and never went without. There comes a time it stops being about you, and I made him my responsibility. Good for you, your SO is not a money grubbing scallywag, but most are. Or they would be ok with simply splitting everything, instead of needing an additional check.

I'm a BM. I can't officially say that every cent of CS is spent directly on my kids. Yes, it pays for groceries, mortgage, insurance, the car I use to drive them everywhere, the gas I use to drive them everywhere, clothes, activities, phone and utilities. It used to pay for daycare, but we're past that.

Does my ex like paying it out? Probably not. Does his wife hate it even more? Probably. But I haven't asked for an increase in 14 years, even though I know his income has gotten into the 6-digits and a court would order him to pay much more. When I had my (planned) kids, I didn't expect to be a single parent or I wouldn't have had kids. I have worked full-time the entire time, but as a single parent my work and schedule options have left me earning less than I would had I been more career oriented. So given bio-dad's earnings capabilities versus mine, I'm personally OK with it being unfair in my favor, and I think he sees it somewhat that way as well. He is able to afford more and still have a pretty luxurious lifestyle. I do all the parenting and sacrificing, he pitches in a little more than half of child support.

And yes, I cry broke all the time. Because I am! My home is modest; I make sure my kids have nice enough stuff, but my clothes are thrift store or clearance rack; I've never had a manicure and I need a haircut in a bad way; we don't have cable tv; we've been on 2 vacations in 14 years; and a couple times I couldn't get the utilities paid before payday or a CS check, so the electric got shut off for a day or two.

On the other hand...SO's ex spends CS on drugs and who knows what. The house (still in both names) payment is always not quite 90 days late. Grandma buys all the skids' clothes. She gets food stamps and energy assistance. She even calls around to various charitable organizations to get cash dontations or gas cards.

But I swear all of us BM's are not bad!

Our BM certainly doesn't need the money, she has LOTS of her own and her family is loaded, but it doesn't hurt to have more. Manis and pedis and that little purse-dog hair do of hers cost something, you know!

It doesn't take away from SD though, at least. Just SO.

Simple-the bitch doesn't have a job, but smokes two packs a day, goes out drinking every weekend, and would send SD over in rags-plus have SD ask us for money because her mom "doesn't have any."
It's not rocket science.

Also, let's see what happens to your SO when you don't support her "totally." Sheesh.

I hope you know what you were getting into.
I hate that stupid phrase. It is an excuse for someone who thinks they are doing things"right" to try to lord it over someone else they think is doing it "wrong." One day, you might be wondering what the hell happened, and YOU might get told the same. Stupidity.

I am also a BM and had to do without the benefit of CS for the most part. Of course that meant that XH had to do without the benefit of a driver's license also, but oh well. I raised my kids and now they earn their own money.

In our case:
BM looked at DH and said I have 18 yrs to get my degree until then I have your support.

Then it was you are a good dad and probably deserve joint custody but that decreases my support so I will fight you on tha(.

Add the new furniture, the house being redecorated, the new cars every two yrs, her Lancome makeup purchases, her tanning sessions, the fact HER clothes always look new.

Meanwhile SS was wearing a size 4 pant and 2( underwear that left angry red marks cut into his skin :(, their toes were always touching the top of their shoes.

SD would brag about eating fruit roll ups for breakfast and SS using apple juice on his cereal because they had no milk. Their cupboards were always bare and heard SD complain once saying- when they come to visit you buy food but you won't buy us food! That's a crock!

So where did the money go????

Oh and on a side note. I have no problems with the support that is 30% of DH take home. I have a problem with opening emails that entitle skids to things that we can't afford to do for all and DH being told he is a lousy dad that doesn't worry about his kids.

My DH pays $650 a month in CS and SS NEVER has new clothes (even his underwear is used), his sneakers he has had for 2 years (she buys them big so they last longer, is what SS tells me), he had a whole in his sandals the ENTIRE summer last year and she refused to buy him a new pair (we have seperate shoes for when he is here) SS NEVER gets haircuts, she gets subsidized daycare so the money isn't going there. Yet she always has nice clothes on and keeps upgrading to bigger houses. I don't expect every dollar to go directly to SS as she pays for the house, bills, car, etc but the kid should AT LEAST look like he is being taken care of with that huge chunk of money. Even friends comment how he looks like an "orphan boy" when he comes here.

My DH paid $1500 a month for two kids when BM had custody. BM has proudly admitted to DH that she has never worked a day in her life and doesn't want to. But when she had custody, she went on cruises, was constantly buying herself designer clothes, purses and shoes, and getting the latest hairstyles. Meanwhile, the kids were filthy and dressed in clothes that were way too small.

It's not the concept of child support that I loathe. I loathe seeing it get misused and abused.

I often wonder what some BMs (I'm both a SM and BM) think is a fair amount for CS. If BD was order to pay SM's version of fair, would the still complain if mom asked for help paying for other items? I have a coworker who complains because her husband pays $25 a week in CS. Every year she bitches because BM will ask them to help get the little girl things for Christmas, Easter, summer and back to school.

I would dance a jig if DF's CS order was that low. Each time she starts to complain I want to slap her.

Uberskank has been unemployed for two years (I can't take that job! I make more on unemployment!) but manages to have acrylic nails, nice clothes and drives a luxury vehicle. BUT they live in Section 8 housing.

DH's kid shows up in dirty clothes but constantly talks about doing laundry for her mother and sisters (she told us a story about how she was trying to teach her little sister how to fold laundry). She does her laundry EOWE at our house, because her mother tells her there's not enough money for her laundry.

DH's kid tells us about the trips Uberskank is constantly taking and how Grandma is always with them. DH's kid is 15 and shares her room with her younger sisters (7 & 9). So instead of spending time with her friends when she's over with us, she spends most of her time alone in her room decompressing. We encourage her to get out and we hear her on the phone with her friends, but she always tells us "I just need some down time, just to chill".

I'm not a fan of DH's daughter and she has a flare for the dramatic, but her stories have led me to believe she is raising her sisters.

In addition to the CS he pays, DH buys all of her school and summer clothes, shoes, special event outfits and any incidentals she needs. His kid has a chance to go to Europe her junior year and I can assure you, Uberskank won't contribute a cent to help with expenses. We are not rich and have to budget for all purchases.

In answer to your question.....No....I seriously doubt the CS DH pays to Uberskank benefits his child in any way, shape or form. Nor does the CS she collects from the other two bio-dads for her other two girls. Uberskank is a complete waste of food, a horrible mother and a stain on society. She's the BM that gives all of the good BM's a bad name.

I have been in two relationships with stepkids.

My first relationship, the BM thought the check was hers. She never wore the same outfit twice, bought designer makeup etc, all while the kids got their clothes in thrift stores and Goodwill. She was and still is a pig. We wound up getting custody and what did BM do, she packed all their things up in garbage bags and left them at the front door of what USED to be their home. She couldn't even bring herself to tell them goodbye. She didn't even visit with them during that time. It is only now that she is reaching out to them. They are now 25 and 23. She leaves them little cutsy things on facebook.

My current husband has two girls and he is the Noncustodial parent. He pays an exorbitant amount of money in CS. However, I don't begrudge it at all because even though I don't agree with BM's parenting, she is a good mother. She does spend the money on them and they have greatly benefited from it. They are able to participate in alot of things and are enjoying their childhood. My husband makes alot of money and his kids should benefit from his good fortune. I would definitely feel much different if BM did the same things as some of you are saying and the same thing that my exh's BM did.

I know my ss7's bm uses the money on herself, she makes almost three times as much as my husband and has no bills, her house is owned by her grandma and her grandma pays all of the utilities. Yet my ss wheres hand me downs from his cousins and old shoes till they die, and she asks us to buy school clothes for him. SS usually eats down the road at his grandmas so she isn't buying food so where is the money being spent on him? She wears designer clothes goes on month long vacations over seas and has a brand new car, so I know the money isn't being spent on him.

Wow OP. You sound really pissed about something. How about in our case, the BM had 50/50, was receiving nearly $1000, and never bought the kids a shirt or socks or even ONE school supply. All was provided by DH. Bitch even took a trip to Utah, and another to NY, on her kids CS.

Because she doesnt work!!! So who is supporting her? My husband and her new husband. His CS was $1500 a month for the first 4 years and that was her house payment and at that time she worked so whatever she made was spent all on her because she used to buy clothes/shoes for SD from goodwill!! Now her CS is $750 and Im sure she doesnt even spend $100 on her. Shes married now and her husband works his butt off for her to stay home so my hubbys CS goes for her hair, nails, trips, bills etc. C'mon, who would spend anything over $250, $300 a month for a 7 year old? Let alone $750!

well, in our case for instance we NEVER see this kid in anything but holey, dirty out of season clothes, we KNOW the bm's live in boyfriend deals drugs, so therefore we dont like the fact we pay support and are most likely funding their drug habits, cuz obvioulsy they arent buying the kid stuff

Well she's not remarried, doesn't work and lives in a house that mommy and daddy own, drives a car that mommy and daddy bought gets every kind of government assistance available. She gets $1200/month in child support yet in the past week we've had to pay for glasses (she has yet to reimburse us her 1/2), had to buy my SS some shoes because his had giant holes in them, buy my SD clothes that actually fit her, bought both SS and SD yearbooks for school and had to pay for SS's end of year band party all because she "just doesn't have the money". We also pay for all the kid sport events in the summer. Of course she has baby daddy #2 to help support her too so it's not just us!

It would be an easier pill to swallow if she worked and even if she didn't work but actually did things with the kids and stayed involved with their school events, etc. We drove 45 miles round trip for a 20 minute school event for SS after working all day but she couldn't make it from 3 blocks away because she was tired..... From what I have no clue!

Sounds like a question from a bitter BM, I think.

In our case, what other single mom of two with no FT job do YOU know that can afford a new car and a new 5 BEDROOM house?

How many unemployed single moms with two children can afford to take all three of them on a MONTH LONG VACATION TO DISNEYLAND???

We KNOW she uses/used the CS for herself because when they were still together, she used CS to pay her fines for writing checks off her best friend's account (!) and STILL expected H to buy diapers and formula!

Can't argue with that. There is no *think* about it. I KNOW.

My hub spends over $400 on my SS a month with 50/50 and BM has never held a job. She was born with a tarnishing spoon in her mouth. She now has a job (basically court ordered) and she makes less than $300 a week and her rent alone is $900!!! I find it extremely hard to swallow this pill while my hub and I both work our butts off to provide a decent lifestyle for apparently EVERYONE! My hub got laid off of his long term job and do you think support changed? NOPE! Thank goodness he is good at what he does and found another job immediately. Not as much $$$ though. Where does this entitlement come from?

All we can do is our best and hope like hell it works.

These are very rotten, scared from the past women that see CS as punishing the fathers for that theyve decided to not be with them. CS IS NOT ALIMONY! Get over it! He is not paying YOU, hes paying his for CHILD! And guess what? CS stops at 18 here! If a women has pride, she would say, I dont need your darn CS, I can provide on my own for my child! But in this country its all about money and most women dont think that way. It's sicknening. Theyre basically stealing money they didnt earn, for what? For the fact that theyve decided to open their legs and get pregnant behind their partners back. How selfish!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR. ALL I CAN SAY IS KARMA IS GONNA GET THEM! I have no respect for these women. She can make up to 70K per year but wants to stay home just because I stay home? I have a baby you dumb biotch, your kid is 7! Go get a job and start providing.

So here we are, married, have a baby and another one on the way, DH works his butt off, we see SD7 eow and one day during the week and the cunt gets $750 to sit at home, eat and keep getting fatter. She found her dog because she realized shes 40 and not getting any younger, the dog also works his butt, she made him move into a 5 bedroom house just to be "above" us, littarary above us in our neighborhood. DH got his CS reduced but what makes me so mad is that SD costs $750 a month but our 2 babies only brought down the CS by $80?? Are you kidding me? F the system. Every time I get onto that subject I get so mad. And the worst is that the cunt gets payed and still causes trouble, tried so hard to not make our wedding happen, constantly alienates SD from us and made MIL disown her son and not acknowledge her new grandkids. This whole situation is soooo messed up. If I have a boy one day Im gonna teach him that there's no such thing as birth control pills.

Last but not least. BM told DH in a voicemail that "she will take every penny" that he has. Isn't that a rotten woman?? Where's the kid's concern? Its aaaaaaaalll about money!

In my DH's case, he was a good guy and set up a bank account and paid CS into it through automatic deductions before they even had a final decree. The statements would come to our house and he would review them. She used the debit card at the nail salon, Lane Bryant, Starbucks, etc. DH called her on it. Suddenly, she filed a petition to the court to have the money go through the state. Boy did she cry foul when she didn't get any CS payments for 3 months because of the State's red tape! hahahah.

Oh lord don't get me started about the BM I have to deal with!! When we didn't have SD14 Fulltime; we had her eversingle weekend from Friday to Monday morning; all holidays all vacations and sometimes my MinL would have her too. We forked over 250+ plus all her stuff......clothes,shoes,pictures,school stuff you name it!
Now we have SD full time; we have recieved maybe.......150 in two months; her BM has seen her 2 times this whole month totalling 6 hours; and she didn't get her one thing for school; no lunch money; school pictures; ANYTHING!! Now she's crying because she's "behind" on bills!

I CAN HONESTLY SAY SHE IS A PIECE OF SH*****

Don't get me started on CS....And I am a BM myself. My SO's BM is a piece of work. Let me tell you, she lives in her mother's home, has a job, we had the kids 60% percent of the time and SO was still ordered to pay her almost $1000 a month. YET..."I" and I mean "I" paid for those kids clothes, I was the one who paid for their food. When they needed something extra for school, BM would tell SO "SD #1 needs such and such for school TOMORROW." When we would ask why BM couldn't just pick whatever it was one of the girls needed, she would say "I don't have any money and if YOU or MOM23MS don't get it, then I guess they won't have it." Talk about a guilt trip. I use to run out in the middle of the night for their extra's so they wouldn't have to go without.

Mind you, we had the girls MORE then half the time, SO still paid ALOT of money to BM, she didn't have to pay for rent, or even utilities. YET, she use to call me (who she hates) to watch the kids on HER time so she could go out drinking. This woman went to a top of the line salon, got her manicures and pedicures. Had a nice big gas guzzling SUV. ALWAYS dressed in name brand clothes, and yet the kids went to school in rags or they would dress like hookers! They NEVER had appropriate schools clothes or shoes. She can go on vacations...with her friends...not even the kids. They sit at home while she goes out. The kids aren't in activities, they are old enough so they don't need child care. I don't get it...

BM always puts down SO and he's never done anything but love and support his kids. They NOW don't want to come over at all. When SO calls her and asks why don't the kids want to come over or why are the kids acting like this, BM says "They are fine, they don't need you! They don't want you!" But two minutes later, she will text "Where is my CS check? Can I get it early?" She wants SO out of the kids lives so bad....she says they don't want or need him....but she sure as hell wants the check!

And we STILL have to pay half of everything like braces and medical.

In our case...BM does not work and neither does her live in BF so what my DH pays goes to pay the rent and put gas in the car. MY SD is dressed in the cheapest god aweful clothes and she feeds my SD all packaged crap...

So..do I hate the fact that my DH has to pay CS...YES I DO because it's not to support his child, it's to pay for everything else so BM doesn't have to get off her lazy ass and go to work...

Z

I'm all for c/s everyone has to survive however BM mom in my case receives welfare, cash, assistance, food stamps, free housing, has her bf live with her who makes 60,000 a year while she cheats the system, has not worked more than a week or 2 over the last 10 years, we buy and pay for all sports, transportation for weekends and school activites, pay for all school supplies and clouthes, lunch money, weekend activites and buy whatever presets for any holiday/ birthday and whatever else they need plus support. If she is capable of pitching in also but refuses to work and just lives off the system so in this case no I don't feel she deserves it. Everything these kids need is paid for by either us or he state... So meanwhile we are constantly broke and struggling from paying an insane amour of c/s and for everything hey need wig out the oher parents help while she is double dipping and living large!

Same here my bm refuses to work so where does the money come from?? My dh!! ALL the money bm has comes from dh. Unless her aunt and her mom give her money. Oh wait they do as well every month and then try to get my dh to pay it. Yep that did happen in the very beginning. Bm's mom and aunt would give her so much money every month and then call dh and tell him he HAD to pay them back that it was HIS responsibility. Dh would tell them that he did not borrow the money from them and it was between them and bm. That went on for over a year!! WOW these people! :sick:

However bm and the skids have the latest and best stuff and new car and whatever else they want. But they (bm and her mom and aunt) still seem to think that WE yes WE should send more money and that bm should not have to work. They have said that since bm is a MOM she shouldn't work as being a mom is a full time job. Even though the youngest is 11!

So I ask where does all the money she gets for her stuff comes from not her!!!

I hear y'all on the BM being out for the money!

At time of DH & BM's divorce 10+ years ago DH did make more than BM and also that was back when BM's income was not included into calculations. So our family has been stuck with paying 640.00 a month for SS15 & SD12.

The tables have turned...SS & SD are with us appx. 40-50% of the time if not more....they've been staying with us more and more recently. BM makes more than DH. BM actually has under the table income that we are getting the proof together to provide to the courts. We have a mod request in process. Boy is she going to be mad!!!!!

Even now she doesn't spend it on the kids, hell if I know what she spends it on but they wear the same clothes over and over and anything new they get it comes from us. We pay for school supplies, fees, sports, etc. We carry medical insurance, pay 50% on doc bills. She never takes them anywhere, heck they aren't with her long enough, they get tired of her crazy!

Are you kidding??
Most think this way because most WOMEN who are BM's do spend the CS money on themselves. I am not saying they spend 100% of it on themselves but I know in our situation there is about $600 of money that I know for a fact goes toward her lifestyle. You can tell by the kids clothes that she is not taking them shopping EVERY single month and it isn't like she have the kids in a ton of activities.... BM's need to realize the men should not be only ones to struggle after a failed marriage. BM's also need to realize they would have to pay for a roof over their head whether they had kids or not so choose a suitable, affordable place instead of acting like you have to live like a queen. Perhaps if BM's stopped being the victim and realized there are many victims in these blended situations - namely those like myself without children and having to contend with her drama, skid drama and men who parent out of guilt...trust me I am the victim!! Her ass should be paying me!
The broad get waaaay to much money for 2 kids and she know it!!!

You can absolutely bet that there have been PLENTY of times I've used my child support to do something for myself or pay a bill of mine. I've used it to take the family out to dinner. I've used it to buy groceries. I've used it (and will continue to use it) for whatever *I* see fit because it IS "my money". The money that EH sends me is REIMBURSEMENT for expenses I've already paid pertaining to the support of BD13. It's not even 1/10th of what it takes to "raise" her and seeing as I pay for every single expense of hers UP FRONT IN ADVANCE, you bet if I want something or need something or have a bill to pay that money is going to be used for it because it's MINE. I always see to it that BD13 has what she needs and I try to provide her with what she wants so I don't think it is anyone's place to tell me what to do with that money.

On the other hand, DH sends CS to BM for SD8 and what she does with it is HER business. We rightfully can't call her and complain about SD8's nasty, tacking clothing and SD8's lack of social activities because we send her the money each month and what she does with it is her business.

I can understand someone questioning motives when the kids are going without or wearing ratty-tatty clothing, but in general it's absolutely none of anyone's business what the BM spends CS on.