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Housekeeping...Stepdaughter Refusing to pay !

gazzabicks's picture

Hi all, apologies been asked before. My nearly 20 year old step daughter us just about to finish her apprentiship and we said that she doesn't have to contribute until she does. She will earn 13k a year and we are asking her to pay just £100 a month

In a nutshell it turned into a massive row as she thinks she shouldn't pay anything because she doesnt earn enough

Who is bring unreasonable here?

hereiam's picture

She may not earn enough to live on her own yet, but she can and should contribute something to the household. That is not asking too much and will help prepare her for the real world.

You are not being unreasonable.

just.his.wife's picture

Hey no problem. You dont want to pay to live here.. move out. These are your only two options. You have her sign a lease, first time she refuses to pay you evict her.

gazzabicks's picture

Thanks for the advice all, I know I am right here but she does have a get out and that is to go and live with her dad for free. This is what she is saying she will do..personally I'd let her go but it's not teaching her the right thing by not paying and her mum would naturally be upset if she left. So of course, who is the bad person here...horrible ole step dad.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

You are perfectly valid in asking an adult child who is done with school to contribute to the household finances! This whole argument just goes to show how entitled kids have gotten today! "But I'm your child! How could you ask me to pay to live in your home?" 100 quid? That isn't jack!!!! Girl needs to realize what a good deal that is! My adult daughter works two jobs to pay her bills!!! Her rent is $1,000 U.S. Granted, she lives in an all-bills-paid apartment (i.e. She doesn't have to pay for electric and water separate...and in Arizona in the summer, that is a big deal). She also has her car payment, car insurance, and has been paying on a vet bill from when her dog got really sick a couple of years ago (which she just paid off). After food, gas, and the like, she still puts money into savings! How old is she? 24...highest education is high school, but she hopes to soon start a certificate program.

In our days, I don't know of many who would live under their parents' roof past school, and not OFFER to help out financially! Oh, how times have changed with kids thinking parents are supposed to give them a free ride!

gazzabicks's picture

Can'tkeepdoingthis i think you are totally right. Most kids nowadays are completely spoilt and living a privileged life that they think they are just naturally entitled to. The shouting, swearing and screaming she exploded into was beyond belief!

I wouldn't have minded if she had come up with an amount she thought she should pay, at least that would have shown some recognition that she should do..she jusy thinks she shouldn't pay anything at all.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Exactly! Like all the folks here who know they are going to have some teenager our 20-something laying around their houses all summer! 16 and up? Get a freakin' summer job! Now, not saying that a 16 year old should pay household stuff during summer, but they should start learning about life! With these kids off at work, they aren't running up their parents' electric and food bills for 3 months. Oh, and with that extra money in their pockets? Yeah, guess who can pay for their own stuff like makeup, going out with friends, etc.

BS20 came home a week ago from college for summer...he reports for work at 8 am Monday! Would have been sooner, but because they marked his employment as terminated rather than just marking him inactive for 9 months (he didn't know that was an option, and gave notice), he had to go back through the hiring process which required a drug test and background check (they do have some expensive tools, so can see why the company needs to take precautions)...that took a week. At least he knows know he can just go inactive while at school, so he can start back to work faster when he is home for summer. While at school, he gets jobs on campus for things outside of the student loans and such (gas, going out with friends).

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

But gosh, Can't, it sounds like your BS actually has "forward thinking skills" and a desire to work!!!

One of a kind! LOL You lucky momma!

bibleofdreams's picture

that is exactly the amount of rent I had to pay when I moved back in w my parents for a year. I was making almost no money and it was still easily affordable.

Rags's picture

She has a choice, pay the 100/mo or move out and make her way on her own. She makes a decent income for a 19yo. My first salaried job was at $11K/yr and that was when I was 21. Five years later I was making $23K/yr making a mortgage payment and supporting myself and my XW. Not paying rent because she does not make enough and crying about being asked is nothing more than absolute proof that she is extremely immature and that the best thing for her is to be out on her own to learn the realities of the big adult world.

If she cries and moves in with daddy then good riddance and she is out of your hair and you and your bride can start the post SD phase of your marriage. Daddy can deal with her drama. It will not be a good thing for her but as an "adult" she needs to fly or crash by her own decisions. I forecast that she will eventually go down in flames but as an "adult" that is for her to deal with.

Good luck you evil wicked SDad. }:) Wink

twoviewpoints's picture

As the SD intends to move to her father's home if rent is applied, it's not like she'll be out on the street and homeless. I'm not sure what it is your DW is so upset about and willing to make a fight over. The SD is a young lady of adult age now. She'll be moving out and on soon anyway. Whether it is to her father's for free or into her own home/apartment, the day is rapidly approaching. As a young adult she has three choices. She has no room to argue. You are not the 'bad guy' you're being the good parent (whether her mother and father agree with you are not).

You're the one asking this young lady to begin acting what she is. She's an adult with the ability to start being responsible with real responsibilities and sticking her toes into adult situations aka responsibilities of paying bills and taking on more adult type duties. I admire you taking this stand. As a bio-parent of four and SM of one, every one of my children still living at home at age 18 were expected to work and pay a weekly/biweekly rent. It wasn't much. It was a small token of their income. So I guess if your the 'bad guy' I was the 'bad mom'.

I didn't 'need' their money, but that wasn't the purpose of the experience. Instead it was the lesson of beginning to live as an adult. Sit down with your DW and draw out a potential budget plan for the SD. One using what SD's income and bring home pay is. SD's personal existing bills (such as her cell phone, vehicle/transportation expense, set amount for savings, set amount for her lunches and entertainment blah, blah. The pencil in the requested rent to remain in her current housing. What does SD has left? My hunch is she still has plenty and that she won't be suffering for the small rent payment. Show your DW this on paper. Her daughter will be fine. Then together present the proposed budget potential t the young lady and let her make her choice. Is she staying out and paying rent, moving out and sponging for free off of Daddy or looking for a female roommate to share an apartment. The choice is SDs.

There is nothing to fight and argue about. Nothing to feel sorry for poooooor little SD the working young adult. Nothing to be the bad guy over. I fact, if her bi-father had the sense he'd be putting the very same rent expectation on SD that you have.

I'm not one that believes an adult child should pay a full going rate of real rent. While I understand the reasoning and principal behind it, my thought was to leave the young adult with enough to continue the learning process. For example, my last son stayed at home while buying his own groceries, his own brand new vehicle (on his own self built credit), his own cell phone program, his own savings account to purchase his first home, his own vehicle and healthcare insurance ect.

There is no right or wrong way to how each home prepares their young adult to launch the goal and necessity to actually get the kid up and out and functioning . You've decided your way and your requirements of remaining as an adult in your home...good, Now stick to it. What SD does with your request and requirements is now up to her. She can leave or she can stay. You're not the bad guy and it's not your fault if she chooses to move it. I will say that if SD decides to remain in your home and to pay the low rent, that she is still expected to participate as a household member with a good attitude. If she refuses to do that, rent is automatically drastically increased to the fair going rate and her ass can hit the street. Living at home (even with a token rent) is a privilege not a birth right. It's why I don't believe in signing a lease with the adult child. I wanted the ability to change the terms at any time.

gazzabicks's picture

Twoviewpoints I think your response is 100pct right, I am going to stick to my guns on this. We have 4 children in our household and the same will apply to all of them. Once you are over 18 and in full time employment you contribute. It's not about the money it's the principal of, in my opinion, bringing your children up the right way.