Cannot bond with SS
Forums:
Hi i amnew to year. Iv been struggling tbepast two years since my SS11 moved in with me and DH full time. He does not have any contact/visits with BM. Also have SD13 who lives with BM and cones to ours every other weekend. When i met DH he had them every other weekend.
SS has adhd and he has been dragged uo by his BM. I find it hard to make a bond with him and i feel uncomfirtable around him. I am always nice to him but our relationship feels awkward. He is very lazy, hes a compulsive liar and he is defiant.
I think i feel resentful but i dobt know if i should fell like this. I just want me and my husband to have more time together. I am struggling.
I feel like everything aboyt SS iritates me. Is it petsobal or an age thing?
Yes, you don't need to bond
Yes, you don't need to bond with him - parenting him is DH's job. It's a bonus if you can, but not required.
Why does he not see his BM?
No need
With stepkids, tolerance is enough. Most stepparents do not love their stepkids.
Most? I would say that most
Most? I would say that most SParents do love their Skids. The % of SParents who are in nighmare blended families and dislike their SKids are likely not the majority of SParents.
At least I hope that is the case.
Did someone tell you that you
Did someone tell you that you are required to 'bond' ?
Can you be pleasent? Can you be thoughtful?
U am akwats pleasant and nice
U am akwats pleasant and nice to him. When i hear him arguing with his dad and being rude to his dad i can i tervene snd say to him 'dont soesk to your dad like that' ect. When he is moaning and has an attitude or being defiant then thsts when my feelings if resent really sky rocket.
I thini i fibd it really hard because my life eith my DH was so different when he didn't live eoth us. We coukd fo loads together. And now SS lives with us snd never sees his BM so he is here sll the time. So i can feel resentful of him vecause he is stopping me from doung tjings i want to do in my life, things i enjoy.
Sonetines we ask DH's mum to have him for a weekend and she says she doesnt mind but i wish this coukd be a regular set up once a month. I feel s guilt inside meto ask. But nsybe i shoukdnt feel guilty?
Its just hard tooeith his behaviours i dont know what tge exoectations of an 11 year old are becsuse im not a mum and i came into his life when SS was 7so he was ready made.
Don't correct him when he
Don't correct him when he treats his father poorly, that's DH's job. Why isn't he doing that himself? Sounds like your real problem is your DH's poor parenting.