Contact arrangements
Forums:
Hi me and DH have SS12 living with us and SD13 lives with DH, s mum full time. Notjing legal in place for contact arrangements. We want BM to have both kids every other weekend but she wants one at a time every weekend. Her reason is because she has made one of their old rooms into a play room for he new baby!
She initially agreed to every other weekend but is now changing it all tbe time and wants it all on her terms. Would mediation be a good way to go? Are we likely to get what we want?
That makes no sense
Why wouldn’t the BM want both kids at same time? That sounds very dysfunctional. Can she only handle one of her kids at a time? If they are brother and sister they should be together to share family time with mother? Maybe I’m wrong?
May I ask why you want BM to
May I ask why you want BM to have them at the same time? It sounds like SD doesn't live with you, so only SS's visitation has an effect on you? (Or do you get SD every other weekend?).
My guess is that BM can't handle them together - the court may go along with her, since the non-custodial parent isn't obligated to take visitation at all.
Mediation will only work if
Mediation will only work if someone is willing to compromise. Do you think there are areas for negotiation? Do you think either bm, your husband or your mil are willing to consider changing their minds about thier current positions? If not, someone will have to ask a judge to decide what is best.
Is there a reason the siblings live in different houses? Do they want to spend time together? Can your husband and mil arrange for them to spend some time together during the week?
Thankyou for your replies.
Thankyou for your replies.
SS and SD decided they didnt wabt to live with BM. SS decided 2 years ago so came to live with us and SD decided about 4 months ago. So there is no custody in place. She basically threw her son out. She takes on no responsibility.
Her reason for wanting one at a time is because she has no room for them both to sleep at hers because she has turned a room i to baby playroom. In my opinion thats not our problem and she should make it work in order to see her kids.
Yes we have SD every other weekend from MIL so if she had SD every otger we woyldnt get to see her and she woyld never see her brother.
The kids want to see there mum every other weekend together. BM has a long history of volatile behaviour towards adults and is very uncoperative. She has only recently been requesting to see her SS after a long stretch of not seeing him at all and not bothering with him. From our point of view SS visits needto be consistant and regular or not at all.
She likes the idea of messing
She likes the idea of messing with your weekends and not being able to have a kid free weekend herself. I'd have SS tell his mother that he comes over with his sister or not at all.
The beauty of mediation is
The beauty of mediation is that it is not binding. So, if you and your DH decide that the result of mediation is crap, reject it and go to court.
Compromise with manipulative dipshits is rarely a good ideal IMHO.
However, she can do with her visitation time as she chooses. And there isn't much you can do about it. Just do not tolerate her crap interfering in your life.
Dh's mom and dh must get on
Dh's mom and dh must get on same page. IF bm wants to see her kids, it's a package deal.
Our bm tried to pull this. she tried to get us to allow HER to have visitation on the same weekend as her husband had his bio. She lost custody during this time...We knew what she was doing...she was looking for a free weekend. Not that it mattered anyway.. She always pawned her kids off to her mom/neighbors/who ever. Everyone said NOPE we no one is changing to suit you it did not work for us HER way.
Anyway OP she gave up her kids---and she wants 'favors"...hahaahha
Just say it does not work on your schedule but your willing to send the kids so they can have 'complete family bonding time, as a complete family unit".when DH's mom can send the kid....THE Kids deserve that bm....--
That would be what I would tell her,
Tell her that y'all want to
Tell her that y'all want to have the kids together for y'all weekends so she can have them every other weekend and just take one on Saturday and one on Sunday. If she doesn't like that then she can take them both on Friday like she should be doing anyway.
Yeah i think she just enjoys
Yeah i think she just enjoys being awkward. She doesnt have tbe right to call the shots though.
She phoned DH asking when she can see her kids, after about 2 months of not seeing them. DH said yep you can have them every other weekend. She said ok. She had SS only for first weekend as SD didnt want to go.
DH messaged BM asking if there were any weekends she cannot do, as a way of being co operative. She turned around and said she cannot commit to every other weekend because some weekends her boyfriend has boxing matches.
Then she is now saying that she never said she will have both. She will have one one weekend and the other the next - but this way will leave her with no kid free weekend ( to go to bfs boxing matches) shes not the sharpest pencil in tbe case.
What do you gyd think she is jusy enjoying being awkward and doesnt like my DH calling tbe shots?
Surely she cannot call the shots when she doesnt have sny of them live with her.
The thing is, i want every other weekend kid free so me and DH have time together and fredom and a break from SS. SS has adhd and is very hard work behaviour wise. We are entitles to time alone and together to be a married couple arent we?
Just drop both of them off on
Just drop both of them off on her weekend. She's not going to run after you to shove the other kid back into your car. BM loves to make demands but we just do what we want. "Take the kids to church on your weekends" "Call the doctor to make SD an appointment" "SD has an appointment today can you take her?" "my car is broken down can you give me a ride" "don't drop the kids off late, don't drop them off to early" blah blah blah. We just ignore her.