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Can anyone tell me why this bugs me??????

Unhappy's picture

So everyone sits down for dinner last night. SO had put a movie on for all the kids while we ate. Since my back was turned to the TV he asked me if I would like to sit next to him. So I scooted my chair over to where I was sitting right next to him. This is the first time since SO and I have been together that we have ever sat next to each other at the dinner table. Usually he sits inbetween his kids. So of course when SO's BD(6) sees this she has to scoot her chair over to the other side of SO. While she's sitting there she keeps staring at me. I know what the stair is all about it's just so hard to explain it. So while we're all sitting there eating SO's BD keeps trying to climb into his lap to eat her dinner. She never does that whenever he is sitting inbtween her and her brother.

After getting the kids to bed the first time SO sits down out in the living room and gets on his laptop. He finally desides that he is going to come over and sit next to me on the couch. We sit there for 10 minutes and then I got up to go and smoke out in the garage. When I came back in SO was back in his chair playing poker on his laptop again and that's what he did for the remainder of the evening. I got a total of 10 minutes of quality time, and I wouldn't even call it quality, last night.

Before we went to bed I brought all this up plus a previous comment that he has made about how he doesn't like to make plans to go and do stuff with just my BD(6) when his kids aren't around because she'll blab to his kids about it and then he'll have to do it the next weekend. (WTF????) His excuse for the not spending anytime with me is I'm tiered. Apparently not so tiered that he can't sit in his chair playing online poker. His excuse for his BD is my precious little angle is not capable of that and his explanation about not wanting to make plans with my BD is I spend more time with her then you do.

I then try and explain to him that when his kids are here it's like our relationship goes on hold, his daughter is not a precious little angel, and the weekends that his kids are not here I am cleaning up the mess his kids have made throughout the week. He counters that with what mess. Oh I don't know SO. Here's an example. How about the poop that your BS(4 1/2) got on his hand after wiping and then proceeded to wipe it all the bathroom rug on the floor. I wonder who cleaned that up? Oh-yeah that was me not mention all the other stuff in the house that they trash and I have to clean up.

So here is what I have planned. I am going to read every night and play on my laptop and SO asks me why we don't spend any time together I am going to reply with a I'm tiered. If SO ever asks me to come and sit next to him when his kids are there I will reply with a I'm fine where I'm at. I will spend the weekends his kids are there cleaning and not put it off becuase he has all these plans with his kids and on the weekends that we don't have his kids I will make plans for my BD that does not include him. We don't want his needy little kids feeling left out because poor little daddykins did something without them even though when there with the ex she does all sorts of fun things with them on the weekends. Lets just see how he likes the same treatment.

It just drives me nuts. Can anyone explaine to me why this bugs me?

windee's picture

It bugs you b/c your DH is wrong. You should be able to do things with just YOUR daughter when the skids are not there also! Kids need to learn that things are not always fair and that just because someone else receives something or does something, doesn't mean that you will too. My DH has a hard time with this also! It drives me nuts! If they are all in the same room, then it is different! I would be annoyed with SD too! Sounds like your DH should have told SD to sit in her chair when at the dinner table. Wow! That is extremely annoying! My SS was real bad about that when he was younger. It's not so bad anymore but he still does stuff like that and he is fixing to be 13! When we sit together he has to call his dad in his room to tell him something or he has to come and sit between us on to couch! Sick of it! So YES, you have a great reaseon for feeling the way you do!!! It sucks!

Unhappy's picture

Thanks for making me feel better about my feelings on this issue. I think that if I treat SO the way that he treats me then he might understand why I am so annoyed with all of this. Talking to him apparently does not get the point across. Lets just see how he likes the same treatment. He wants to go fishing on Saturday with all the kids. I guess he'll be doing it on his own then because I need to clean the house so I can make plans with my BD the next weekend. We have plans on Sunday to go boating with one of my friends. Well the plans have changed. It will only be me and my BD that will be going. I wouldn't want to take up any of his precious time that he has with his kids to do something that I want to do. And all he did when I brought it up to him last night was complain about how we weren't going to get anything done this weekend. Well problem solved. I'll get stuff done on Saturday and he can get his stuff done on Sunday. Sounds like a reasonable compramise to me.

jessiecarter's picture

Your story tells about LOVE to your family that they'll make you happy but the most unforgettable moment you've been experienced into your life was appreciated to us. You've been doing some great attitude of pleasures to your family.