Are you affectionate w/your skids?
I'm just asking out of total curiousity. I've been in my skids lives for about 6 years (since they were 3&6). I am not affectionate with them AT ALL. Pretty sure I've never hugged them or really touched them other than a pat on the head. BUT, they aren't that way w/anyone. Their own grandma has to bribe them with cookies and candy before they will hug her, and she told me a few weeks ago that they've never said they loved her or anything like that. They are just kind of cold, to be honest. I am very affectionate w/my own kids (who are younger) and they tell the same grandma they love her and give her hugs & kisses all the time.
Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you are the same way, or do you hug/cuddle/whatever your skids ever (or did you when they were younger, if they are older now?).
Umm, well I'm not a very
Umm, well I'm not a very affectionate person myself, the exception being with FDH. I do not kiss the kids. I don't really hug them either, at least not a loving kind of hug. Sometimes I playfully hug them or pick them up, but that's not really the same. I get the feeling they would like me to though. Sometimes I will hug FDH, the one of the kids, especially FSS5, will jump in and 'join the hug' (not trying to push me away from FDH, but putting his arms around both of us). FSS also seems to be testing the waters with telling me "I love you." He's said it to me twice now, but he whispers it so it's barely noticeable and he's never done it with his dad around. The kids are very affectionate with their father.
Actually, about half the time FSS chooses to hold my hand when crossing the street/in a store, rather than FDH's. I try not to push these things, but both kids and I get along very well. I figure the real bonding will grow over time. Sometimes I do get the urge to hug them, especially when they're sick, but I stop myself. I guess I'm afraid of being rejected.
FDH and I have been together for 2 years. I imagine that after 6 years I will probably be more affectionate with the kids, but I cannot foresee hugging or kissing them as freely as FDH does. I probably won't be that way until I have my own child.
In my case it would be like
In my case it would be like asking "are you affectionate with the two spitting vipers and BM clones?"
I have three skids the oldest is actually the one I have the most hope for. The youngest two are lost causes in every which way.
I met ss when he was still 1.
I met ss when he was still 1. Initially I was pretty affectionate with him-hugs, hand holding, sitting on my lap, etc-although he never seemed to return it-at least not in a natural way-from a young age he'd want to give these "fake" hugs. Overall, I think he is not affectionate with much of anyone-his bm used to have to tell him to give her a hug when she dropped him off and wasnt going to see him for almost two weeks. My dh was recently gone for 6 months for military and he went and picked ss up and ss walked right by him and started talking to sil. He is an odd duck for sure. As he got older my efforts of affection decreased. At this point I'd rather stick a needle in my eye than be affectionate with him.
My skids came into my life
My skids came into my life when they were 12 and 14 and they are both boys -- so no, not so much. I think I probably hugged them like when they graduated high school and got married.
It would be inappropriate and weird now. Skid 1 is closer to my age (8 years younger) than dh (12 years older) and skid 2 STINKS so bad I stay as far away from him as possible.
Naw.
Naw.
not if i can help it. i have
not if i can help it. i have been in sd's life almost 8yrs and i can remember all the times i was affectionate with her:
1. when her great aunt died, i layed in bed with her and held her for like 10 minutes.
2. when she was 7 she hit her head pretty hard, passed out, and after we got back home from the hospital bf and i let her lay in bed with us and i held her till she fell asleep.
3. when her great grandfather died i hugged her briefly.
sd isnt a hands on kind of kid. once, bf and i bear hugged her joking around and she freaked out and started crying...so i dont offer any kind of affection.
I'm affectionate with my SS3,
I'm affectionate with my SS3, but I've been in his life since he was 6 months old. He calls me mommy a lot (I try to correct it to stepmommy, but I don't know if he's quite old enough to understand the difference yet) - says he has two mommies. He's a cuddler and a hugger though so a lot of the time it's initiated by him. I love him dearly, but I think if he pulls away as he gets older it won't bother me immensely.