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Anyone else's skids in therapy since the couple split?

Jif46's picture

I thought, yeah, good idea...put the 7 year old in therapy to deal with the seperation. I was with my husband for 6 months before we even introduced me to the kids...which was fine with me...preferred it actually. The therapy was great....ok move forward 3 1/2 years later and they are STILL in therapy. Really? Now the 7 year old boy is there too. They don't have anxiety or issues at all...at least they dont tell us they do and we ask them all the time about how things are going. They are all pretty well adjusted and love me. The BM refuses to take the SD10 out of therapy. We ask her what they talk about...and lately it has been about school and what they did on Thanksgiving. Now get this...the BM broke down and cried at the kids last visit. Said DH doesnt want to see the kids more. We asked for them on Thanksgiving! She said no, they had plans...I think the extended therapy is causing more damage than good to the children.
Any thoughts?

StickAFork's picture

SD has been in 6 years and counting... Ya'd think she'd either be fixed or f'd up good by now...

AND the lovely therapist told the GAL that she thought DH shouldn't be involved in SD's life because it "stressed her out."

No, shit, sherlock...SD couldn't get away with the crap she could at her mom's house. (Yes, this is the same SD who is now a knocked up teen.)

The GAL told the therapist that was an "illegal" recommendation. Wink

Jif46's picture

OMG...See? I told my DH today that this could go either of two ways...she will be a little weak thing always running to therapy cuz she thinks she needs it OR she will go the rebellious root and probably get knocked up by age 16! CRAZY! I don't know how to stop it! She comes from a good family on both ends...why does she freakin need therapy every week? SD told me some girls at school are mean so she talks to the therapist about it. Suck it up! Its life! You don't run to a therapist everytime someone doesnt like you...UGH...

Anon2009's picture

I think the saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" applies here in that if things are going good with your SKs now, why change anything? If anything, they should continue to get therapy because it sounds like BM is a very unstable, bitter person, and they'll undoubtedly need help coping with that.

Aislinn81's picture

My SD has only recently started going to therapy because she was "cutting" herself to "relieve the pressure she was feeling from the situation at BM's".

Basically she goes for an hour a week and unloads on the therapist about her stepdad, who is an abusive manipulative asshole.

$60 a pop per session, been doing this for about two months now. Honestly, I'm glad SD is getting to talk to someone about her issues that is a total outsider.

Then again, if she's still in therapy 5 years from now I think we have deeper issues than stepdad and BM being irrational. Of course, she'll also be 18 so she can pay for that herself.

Anon2009's picture

Also, maybe SD isn't giving you the full scoop on what she's talking about with the therapist.

If there are kids who are mean to her at school, it's good she talks with the therapist about that. We've all seen where being bullied can lead someone if they don't address those feelings.

RedWingsFan's picture

Yeah we put SD14 in therapy at age 12 because she was NOT dealing well with her parent's divorce and our relationship. She went with him and BM first, then with just DH, then with BM and then individually for about a year. When the therapist recommended DH and *I* join for a few sessions, SD threw the biggest fit ever. We went. That's when we found out SD had been manipulating and lying to the therapist the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME to get sympathy, attention and made me out to be the bad guy in her life. I was the cause of EVERYTHING wrong in her daily life. I was to blame for everything.

When we found out she lied to the therapist about being involved in the ATV accident that almost took mine and my daughter's life - that's when I had enough of her bullshit. I called her out right away and the therapist seemed shocked that this kid had been pulling her chain all along.

Yeah, therapy would've probably done the kid some good had she actually been HONEST and not such a fucking attention whore.

ETA: we paid for every single session - even those in which BM was going. It wasn't cheap!

Jif46's picture

He pays for half the sessions too. I know she isnt being bullied...She told me the whole story. Just girls being girls. Her mom seems stable except for the crying at her own daughter's therapy session part (i dont really know her) but I guess her mom and sister were in therapy all their life and then she was in therapy so maybe she thinks her own daughter needs to be in therapy too. I love therapy for myself...when needed. Not for 3 straight years. She told me they have seperate envelopes and she picks one...each has an issue...dad issue, school issue, friends issue. They just chat like friends, her and the therapist. I know divorce can mess up a kid pretty bad but SD10 even told us BM rushed her to a therapy session when me and DH got married. SD told me that she thought it was pointless because she loves us being together and doesnt have any issues with it. I don't know if I truly believe what she says though. I think she might be bothered by stuff but doesnt tell us she is bothered. Kinda plays the tough girl...she is a great kid...

BSgoinon's picture

SS9 is in therapy currently, and was for one session about 3 years ago. He only ends up in therapy when BM is losing her mind.

my.kids.mom's picture

My ex bf's kids were in counseling bc bm was trying to prove that he was harmful to them in some way. That didn't work, so she removed them from counseling. Problem is, by the time she pulled them, they DID need counseling. But it isn't because of divorce. It's because bm is psycho and damaging the children. Their dad isn't there daily to offset the psychotic behavior, so it is hurting the kids. There is no telling what she is doing to them behind closed doors. Lots of head games.

Jif46's picture

I know...I only wish I knew what was going on behind those closed doors. I know BM's mother and sister were both crazy and dealt with mental issues. I think the kids seem fine. At least when they are here anyway. But again who knows what their mother puts into their heads...

sandby's picture

BM put the kids in therapy immediately after the split. It wasn't a therapist that DH approved of and the therapist is getting a completely 1-sided view of the situation and has not helped the kids at all deal with the aftermath of their parents divorce or encouraged them to have any relationship with their dad.

The judge has ordered court mandated family therapy, but the options for therapists is limited since BM moved the kids to a small town. DH and I live in a larger town but it's too far away for the kids to go to a therapist here and its in another county.

How do you find a decent therapist under these circumstances? DH has requested that the kids be allowed to miss school so he can take them to a therapist that is experienced with parental alienation in our town, but that would be a 4 hour round trip and the kids have crazy busy schedules with all the sports and clubs they are in.

If the kids keep going to the same therapist who has helped them become this alienated, it's not going to resolve anything. We have to get them to a different therapist but that's going to require a lot of travel. DH is willing to pay for it but his kids refuse to go or have their lives disrupted. We're hoping when he goes back before the judge next month the judge may understand, but it's unlikely he's going to require the kids travel across the state to see a therapist of their dad's choice and DH doesn't want to use either of the therapist on the court's approved list since both of them are very anti-dad, pro-mom.

We have no idea what to do.