Anyone dealing with Inconsistent messages from adult skids?
I wish OSD would be consistent in her love/hate of me
Life was actually easier for me when she was crystal clear on her hatred and there was no denying that by anyone...when she changed and everything seemed just fine, I was shocked and hurt all over again when she switched back out of the blue to the hating game
After a few cycles with her I got smart and decided regardless of her behaviour I would be politely detached, and have remained so even though she seemingly is 'all good again'
Of course I have even seen through that phony behaviour and all the games she continues to play (detachment is wonderful how you can sit back and see things from a distance and not get emotional, it all becomes so much more clear what someone is doing)
But despite this OSD is doing things she has never done before of late - actually says hello to me when she sees me, is able to hold a polite conversation, and twice now has actually said THANK YOU. She even sent pics of the SGS's to the 'family' and included me in the email!
It makes me feel uncomfortable a little by keeping my distance....but another side of me, the one that's been burnt repeatedly by her and her games says Too Bad, not getting sucked in again
So, I remain politely detached. I suspect I'll see new games soon, or the real reason she's kissing up - lots of attention on YSD right now between showers and upcoming wedding, and as much as OSD hates me, she doesn't want me to like YSD more then
her/show YSD more attention
Anyone else have an adult SD who is soooooo inconsistent in their behaviour towards you and if so, do you always remain detached no matter what?
I used to go through that for
I used to go through that for years with my SD. I would get hopeful that she would stop being nasty and cause trouble and then BAM - I would be blind-sided by her and DH together.
Eventually the cycle wore itself out and I am not open to starting up again. Best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour so I take my cue from this.
I stay disengaged completely - I have gone NO CONTACT. My life is much more peaceful now. Occasionally DH wants me to go back and forget everything and I have to remind him of my boundaries. A fight will ensue but I stand my ground now. 20 plus years of this game is 20 years too much! No more.
Yup! I'm at the point of "Oh,
Yup! I'm at the point of "Oh, that's nice" but thats as far as I go. Skids and gskids are not essential to my life or happiness. I keep reminding myself that if anything happens to DH and I's relationship there would be no further relationship between skids and I.
gskids are cute just like strangers kids in the grocery store are cute, only sometimes these ones come to my house.
I know this may sound cold to some readers, but I have tried. Years of kow towing to skids and gskids, oogling over their babies, buying gifts that they specifically asked for that are rejected. Skids openly stating how DH and I can't come to a birthday party because BM will be there, yet still fully expecting us to shower gkids with $$$ and gifts. I was slow but I finally got the message, that I am an unwanted and barely tolerated add on.
Oh well, their loss and my gain.
Makes sense 20Years!
Makes sense 20Years!
Well that is liberating for
Well that is liberating for you still learning! It is truly their loss. I get not having you over for a family din din at the same time as BM, but for a SGKID birthday party? No reasons both grandparents and their spouses should not be a part of that!
Wow I have the opposite problem. In-laws and SKIDS inviting DH & I to family dinners involving DH's family only, to find out that :jawdrop: BM was invited too
We attend all SGS's birthday parties, SD's showers, weddings, etc.... with BM and her SO, always have, and we all get along just fine at these events. But, we draw the line when we show up for a simple family dinner with DH's family only to learn after we arrive that BM will be having dinner with us, or BM requesting to be driven home by DH to her house and back, or calling his cell phone for directions somewhere, etc... etc....
Too many lines crossed there!
It's all about a person's
It's all about a person's state of mind at the time and what they want at that time. It's not limited to step kids, it applies across the board.
A lot of what is said on here about step kids, can be applied to step parents, as well. And bio parents, siblings, friends, etc.
The difference is, we take it more personally in certain cases. Or we look harder to find fault in certain people.
My Adult steps are very
My Adult steps are very consistent with their inconsistent. LOL In other words they hate me until it gets close to a holiday that includes gifts or birthdays. If they think they can get something out of it them start acting nice soon as it's over they go back to hating me. Recently it's been a hating me time because I finally gave up and quit. I didn't buy Christmas presents and didn't attend SGD's birthday party. They are on freak out mode now. I finally unfriended all them and blocked them on Facebook. They are now freaking out over that. I just gave up. I married my husband to be his wife. That's my only job.
People can only keep their
People can only keep their 'nice' mask on for so long before it slips and the real person shows themselves.
As ETexasMon says her SC are only 'nice' for the short period to gain what they want, her money in a form of a gift. They don't want a relationship with you only your money, and to try to drive a wedge between you and your husband.
Wow ETexasMom and
Wow ETexasMom and Powerfamily, you have no idea how true that is turning out to me!