Wow, talk about disrespectful. I would think twice about marrying into this until some things are hammered out.

If he wants to be a partner, and not just a dad, he has to act like one and that means discussing plans with you. You do not have to just go along with anything and you for sure don't have to be his summertime babysitter.

If my DH had his daughter more than EOWE in the summer, he took those days off of work to be with her. I was NEVER his go to babysitter. That did not mean that I did not want my SD at our house, it meant that she was not my responsibility.

He's offended? He is the one who has offended YOU.

I hope you actually know you aren't wrong, but you just need validation because these selfish man-babies make us feel downright crazy sometimes.

You are twisting yourself into a pretzel with concern for his feelings, while it's clear he doesn't care much for yours. Let the baby pout. I'd be mad right back and make it clear I won't tolerate having my time dictated to me. If he needs help, he can show the basic consideration of asking for it. And if you have plans, he needs to figure out something else!

No, you are not wrong.  Unless you two have worked out some agreement that you are to be his childcare provider in exchange for him providing more financial support on your behalf.. he is way overstepping to assume you will watch his children.

Even then, if that was the case, you should be privy to his custody time.. and you would also be open with him when you had other commitments that would prevent you from fulfilling that agreed upon obligation.

But.. absent an agreement like that... the children are HIS responsibility.  It is not yours to facilitate his visitation by watching the kids and making yourself available to him at his convenience.  It's not a matter of whether you like them or not.. it just flat out is not your job to watch them... it's his job to do it.. or find a suitable sitter.

If he is angry because you won't take on his obligation??? then perhaps he is not the right person for you.

If this hasn't been solved in 4 years, I'm not hopeful. No, you are not his go-to babysitter, and no, you don't have to go along with all of his plans that he makes without talking to you.

You need to address this and shut it down now.

I told him I had plans and we had spoken about it but I guess he just assumed I would change them to fit his schedule so when I told him I was going out of town with my family he got upset.

^^^^^^^He's disregarding and undermining your wants, requests, and needs. Those are NOT your children and YOU are NOT obligated to care for them especially if he's only going to interact with them 3 hours a day. You are his fiancee and he should ALWAYS communicate his plans if they are going to impact  you. He seems very inconsiderate and wants you to basically work on his schedule and not caring about your plans. This is very selfish of him and I'd really reconsider marrying him and what the future holds if he gets upset about this.

At the end of the day the kids are his responsibility. You are a support and not a babysitter. If he needs your services he can ask and if you say NO that's ok too. Have a serious conversation with him and demand the respect you deserve. If you don't require it, he won't think twice on dismissing you time and time again.

We see time and time again here that women are automatically expected to care for her SOs children. Why? Because vagina.  

No. Body parts do not dictate household rules and expectations. If you are not a 100% equal partner in this relationship with respect for thoughts, feelings, wants and needs, it’s not a healthy relationship. 

I wouldn’t give a rip about his manbaby tantrum. If his little fee fees are hurt because you have an independent life, so what? That’s his problem. Don’t make it yours. 

Of course you're not wrong.  He should not assume you will watch his kids, and he certainly should not assume that you will change your plans to accommodate his obligations to his kids unless you specifically told him you would.  Is this something that happens a lot, or is this the first time he's had such expectations in 4 years?  If it happens a lot, then you should consider your place in his life, the communication (or lack thereof) in your relationship and his level of respect for your wants and needs.  Does he accommodate you?  For instance, my DH will sometimes make assumptions regarding me watching his kids (like when he fails to mention plans to fish for a few hours at night with a buddy), but he usually keeps me well informed and he also anticipates MY needs and is very good about taking care of them.  It's a give and take.  Look at this in the scheme of your whole relationship - if he's always doing things for you, then maybe his expectation that you'll change your plans to watch his kids - while still wrong - isn't completely unreasonable.  If it's a situation where his needs are always the priority because "he has kids," and where anytime you don't do something he wants it's because "you don't like my kids" or "you don't want my kids here," then I'd give serious thought to whether this is the guy for you.

As for "fixing the situation" without him feeling offended, I'm not sure why it's your job to fix it.  He made a bad assumption.  You have other plans.  It's his situation to fix.  If you do "fix" it, presumably by cancelling your plans, then you should expect to be a doormat in this relationship, as you're teaching him how to treat you.

This will only get worse.  It is absolutely not your responsibility to take care of his kids.  You are not the kids' mother, and the fact that he doesn't discuss these things with you IS the reflection of the fact that he does not consider you to be the mother.  Do NOT change your plans.  The divorce rate for marriages with stepkids is 70% and these types of conflicts are the source of this.

You need to establish clear boundaries NOW, before you get married.  I would study up on "disengagement" and step parent issues so that you both have a clear picture of what you are facing and how to proceed.  Good luck.

Oh, goodness woman--NO, you're not wrong. You are in fact, very right. It was disrespectful for him to think that he could just plop the SKs on your lap without even asking. YOU have a life. Set those boundaries NOW. Unless you say, "Yes, I'll be happy to watch your kids while they're here for the month," then it shouldn't be happening. 

Thank you all for taking the time to give me advice and thoughts on my problem I really do appreciate everything. 

No you are not wrong.  For damned sure you need to go on the trip you have planned with your family.  Let DH figure out his Spawn care.  If he does not respect you enough to discuss the disposition of his summer visitation with his spawn and his expectation that you will watch them for a month... you may want to consider not returning from your family trip.

smh

You can't fix this without him offending him because he unreasonably thinks he's entited to more from you than he is. When you tell him that, he's going to push back to get what he wants and he might even be angry if you don't roll over for him.

You have a very presumptuous guy there and he's pushy. You will have to be pretty forceful to keep him from steamrolling you in your future marriage.

I'd check out how well you can manage him before you put a ring on it. Test yourself now to see if you can set a new boundary and put him in check. If you can't get the nerve to do it, or you continuously give in to him even after you set the boundary, you better go find another guy who knows his place better than this one or your life will be dictated and probably pretty sad.

He's clearly going to make sure he gets from you what he needs and wants. You're going to have to look out for yourself with this guy. If you are the type of person who can't easily stand your ground, it would be crazy to pair up with someone who is too pushy or controlling! Think about that combination! It's not love and it's not being a good partner to just give in to everything no matter how ridiculous it is.

But...if you can set a boundary with him, you also need to test how well he respects that boundary. He might be shocked and realize you mean business and it might put you two on more even ground than you are now. He might try to steam roll you into giving in and watching his kids. Hell, he might dump you for telling him no, but the alternative is being told what to do by a man for the rest of your years.

This is exactly why people date before getting married -- you need to know how something this serious is handled by the two of you. And then act accordingly!