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Am I way off base here that my SD20 is inappropriate?

cherylnn's picture

I am new here...just yesterday. I am really going nuts here and started wondering if maybe it was just me?? My SD20 is here for a visit and is driving me insane!!! She NEVER shuts her mouth and for EVERY comment she makes, she expects acknowledgment, though most of the time NOBODY cares about what it is she is saying. Most of the time the comments have to do with how great she is at EVERYTHING, all the places she has been in the world which is again better than anyone else's experiences, also how wonderful everyone else thinks she is as well and on and on and on... She also gives me parenting advice in regards to her half-sibs that are 3 and 4, whom she just met 4 days ago. They are now her best friends...just ask her!!! The most annoying thing for me though, has to be that she continually tries to crawl on her dad's lap, kissing and hugging on him, saying I Love You Daddy. The girl is 20!!!!! Is it just me that thinks this is inappropriate? I'm seriously creeped out by this and about to barf!!! My bio-daughter who is 14 acts WAY MORE mature than this girl. SD's mom gives her ANYTHING and EVERYTHING she wants, no matter the cost and then tells her how awful her dad is because we refuse to do the same. Dear God help ulcer is flairing BIG TIME!!!!! CAN'T WAIT FOR HER TO GO HOME!!!!!

Purpleflower09's picture

She needs to brag because she doesn't feel adequate inside. She needs approval and acknowledgement from outside sources because she doesn't have the self esteem to know herself that she can be accepted and liked without bragging.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

cherylnn's picture

Thanks for the responses. I have definitely mastered the art of leaving a room quickly. She gets no response from me. DH and I talked about it last night. It is real hard for him because she drives him nuts too which makes him feel guilty. He is very uncomfortable with the lap thing, her acting like a small child, and does what he can to divert it short of just telling her it's inappropriate. He sees her so infrequent that he fears her completely shutting him out if he parents her. I have mixed feelings on this. We had hoped that three years of college and being away from her mother would have helped, but no such luck. I am VERY fortunate that the visits are very infrequent, and have just learned to accept a week of hell anytime she comes. I'm not sure DH and I would make it if she lived near here. There would definitely be some parenting or else rules. Don't think she ever intends to live in the same state thankfully!!! I feel for all of you that must deal with this regularly.

cherylnn's picture

OMG!!! I am seriously sick now! While my DH says to me that he is uncomfortable with her behavior...he at the same time is encouraging it. I now do not believe him. I got physically ill yesterday after walking into the room and they are cuddling on the couch. Seriously if one of you walked in the room I did, you would think they were boyfriend/girlfriend. My 14 yr old pulled me aside last night because she was disturbed after witnessing my DH feeding my SD, and him asking her (my 14 yr old) if she wanted some. She told me she told him no and that what they were doing was gross. I am absolutely mortified. I do not want him touching me or going anywhere near my 14 yr old daughter right now. I can't sleep, can't eat, had a horrible nightmare about all of this. Calling to make an appointment with a counselor today. I do not want to go home. Thankfully she leaves in the morning, but unfortunately the scars and sick pictures in my head will remain for a long time. Please I way off base??

cherylnn's picture

Thanks for responding Katrinkie. I feel so alone...and I can't stop embarassing too because I am at work. AND I'm embarrased by my DH's behavior so don't really want to tell anybody that knows us!!! Can't stop thinking about it. I am so scared of all of this and so sick to my stomach.

Selkie's picture

She HIT your DOG???? MAN. If anyone EVER laid a hand on my beloved puppy, they'd be out of my house so fast their head would spin! And NEVER to return! He's the only joy I have in my life right now. He has never known cruelty of any kind! His heart would be broken! I'd FREAK.

kk's picture

Have same problem with my 38yo SD who mother was molested and her sister was molested by my husband's father. She has pulled this since 15 yo She did this in public last year when I was not around and neighbor saw it and told me. Went to 2 different (female) counselors with him one said ignore not my business and other told him it was inappropriate for him to stop. If it happens again and I find out I will leave as I leery with both of their upbringing and DNA. It is not just for my benefit as it was out of my sight.Look at the family is there incest there and is this modeling of behavior? Take him immediately to counseling if there is. This is creepy and yes she is needy, insecure and on and on...however this is his behavior now that is in question. Keep a watchful eye and if this continues over your objections he doesn't put you and your needs first,as a husband should and time for some reality counseling. This doesn't get better with ignoring in my experience.

cherylnn's picture

Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much everybody!! I'm going to take my time getting home tonight. DH and SD20 will have to leave by 6AM tomorrow to get her to the airport on time. I am contemplating calling DH before I get home, or maybe I'll just fake my way through the evening. If I knew he wouldn't try to touch me I'd be good, but he is a very affectionate man...apparently and unfortunately not just with me!!! I know he'll try to kiss and hug me, and right now the thought really creeps me out.
Thankfully my daughter has to be transported for school activities tonight, so I'll be away from the house for awhile. DH and I also have the toddlers at home, which has been very helpful for me as I can just spend all my energy and time with them and away from the ickyness as much as possible!!
Thanks again. I am SOOOO glad I came here!!