Adult stepdaughter won. Dh and I are getting divorced
I can't believe how this turned out.
My adult stepkid(Sd 25) has won. I was married to her dad (dh) dad for 10 years , and we have Bd 6 and I have Bs18 from my previous marriage. The problems started with my her when she was 16. Their mom up was a drug addict and ended up passing away from a OD. Dh raised them by himself for many years. They youngest two her shy, but good back then, The eldest made live miserable for me. She was a very angry teenager. We all know around that age, they really make you run for your money.
She would openly choose to not ackowledge me. Complete and total silence from her and I was noting but nice to her. I tried to be a caring and nurturing person in her life to whom she could turn to, but everytime I tried to enage with her, she shot me down and told me to back off. I was told that I was not welcome in the house and I was noting ,but can inconvience to everyone there. Dh did have by back then, and called her out on her BS. She was told that if she can't respect me, then she shouldn't be living under the same roof as me. Normally this would bring a moody teenager in line right? Nope. She basically fought with dh until he decided that she could not stay at home. He sent her to live with my in laws. It wasn't as if dh was shipping her off to a another state or city, She was literally a 20 minute drive from us . We thought all she needed was a reality check and she would begin to appreciate the things that I did for her, and hopefully she would apologize and then she would be welcome back in the house- Both dh and I agreed with this. No parent enjoys sending their child away and my heart broke for dh, but it needed to be done. Not only for my sake, but her's too. She managed to turn my in-laws against us by saying that dh picked me over her, he doesn't care about her, and he only cares about me and how I'm looking to replace her with our daughter and son. This far from the truth. Firstly I shared custody with my ex and my son his father, but he also cared about dh. Hearing this broke dh's heart. Whenever he would try to call her, text her, email her, noting. She was ignoring him. He did sent her a text message saying he loves her very much and she is his eldest child of this household and his first child, an he wants her to come home, but she would have to respect me. Not like or love me, but she would have to on a human base level respect me- that's not asking fot too much right?. Nope, she told dh that he lost her forever and hope he's happy with his choice. My in laws did not help the situation much either. They choose to believe her without even listening to dh or I. We were labelled enemies of the state by her. I should probably also mention that my in-laws are very wealthy, so they tend to sd was treated like a "princess", but better there and here right? I've never been so wrong.
Come time for her graduation, she passed with honors-dh and I were proud. Dh was invited, but I wasn't. When he called to see if it was a mistake, she told him that it wasn't a mistake, she did not want me their. My Mother in law, Father in law, Brother in law his wife, and dh were going, but not me. I told dh that it would be best if he went, but he decided not to. He said that I was his wife and if I wasn't going then neither would he. He didn't go to her graduation, but did send her a gradulation text and flowers to my in laws. Dh's stepfather, who basically raised him and took care of him as his own called him and told him that Sd spent the enitre day crying away because of him. He wouldn't even let dh talk; he said that regretted ever treating dh like own son and wished he treated him like how he treated sd and hung up. Dh was crushed. He was very close to his SF, and this brought put a dent in their relationship. Sd told her younger siblings about how rude dh was. The relationship between dh his other daughter and ss was starting to change too. When it was time for his other daughter graduation, she basically told him not even bother asking because neither him and I were invited. She graduated and moved out with my in laws as wel, but before. Same thing with Ss. I don't know what Sd said to BS, but he started hating me and dh as well. Bs told my parents that I was looking to have a new family which consisted only how Dh, myself and Bd6. He moved in with my ex and told my family "what was happening" and they also believed him. They called me and told me that I was being cruel and hung up. My BS hates me and so does my own family.
I hoped that none of his kids would turn out successful, but they did. Sd25 is an Occupational therapist , Sd24 is a physical therapist, and Ss is in his 3rd year of engineering. Dh has tried to contact his kids, but they refused to speak to him at all. My own BS believed Sd25's lies and he still wouldn't speak to me to matter how many times I tried to contact him. What pushed the nail over the head was when Dh had a cancer scare last year, and when he called his in-laws. All they said was"hope everything turns out okay" and hung up. His kids did not seem to care. He's reached out many times via text, e-mail, phone call noting. I know sd25 started this and I reached out and thought that maybe she would consider putting putting water under the bridge( I told dh to tell them, that it was his choice to not attend her graduation, but she blamed me for it. When both sd's graduated with their degrees, they didn't call to tell him), but all she said was that her dad died 7 years ago and cut it off. Dh was shattered. ALL FROM HIM NOT GOING TO HER GRADUATION, she managed to not only tear apart his family, but mine as well. Dh would still check on all of their social media, and during breaks, all of the skids and my in laws would be on a cruise, or in Europe, or Dubai. BS still was not spoken to me either. He graduated and from HS and I sent him a congradulation tex message and he responds with saying "please don't contact me again". My own son is saying this to me! The only person that responded to dh's attempts of communication was Ss. He wrote:
Sd25, Sd24 and I love you very much, but based on your previous actions it's clear that you don't love or care about us anymore. We want to have a relationship with you, we really do, but can you blame us for not? Do you know how hurt Sd25 when you didn't show up at her graduation? Dad, she layed on the floor and cried for a week. Till this day she hasn't gotten over it. She's hurt and she feels abandoned. Not only is she a our older sister, but a mother figure to sd24 and myself.
The whole family thinks you messed up. It's not just us. If you want us to have a relationship with you, you have to apologize to her, Do that, then you have a family again, if not then this is how it's going to be. Please do the right thing dad. I miss you a lot. I want to have you in my life. The ball is in you court
Dh did not speak to me properly for a few days. A few hours ago, He told me he wants to discuss something with me. Dh told me he wants a divorce. She won ; I lost.