Stuck in the middle
I know I need to disengage a bit from SD24, but I seem unable to without causing more emotional upset.
SD24 is not speaking to DH. She got into legal trouble a few months ago and DH refused to help. DH was pretty harsh with the way he texted BM his refusal to bail SD24 out, and BM forwarded the text directly to SD24. I believe he would have put it a little more tactfully if he texted SD24 directly, so now SD24 is angry at DH. She has taken to texting me instead. We're not particularly close, but we've been friendlier since DH and I had our boys 4,3, and 11 months. SD24 has always spent Christmas Day with us except for this year. She moved across the country to go to grad school. Her legal troubles are connected to her boyfriend, and BM's condition of helping SD24 was that SD24 break up with boyfriend. SD24 is staying with BM while here for the holidays, and found out that SD24's boyfriend is still in the picture, so now she refuses to let SD24 borrow her car to come visit us. SD24 is hysterical and upset with BM, but is turning it around on DH and complaining to me that DH is horrible for not going to pick up his own daughter who is staying an hour away with BM. I offered to pay for a car service to bring her here and she said no because "she doesn't want to be alone with a stranger for an hour" and again that DH is horrible for not picking her up. I reminded her gently that she blocked DH on her phone and FB, so she needs to contact him directly if that's what she wants. DH knows all the drama but wants nothing to do with it, and doesn't seem to care if she doesn't come visit.
SD24 is so helpless for her age, and can be such a brat, but with parents like BM and DH to an extent, I can't help but feel bad for her. She is really sweet with my boys, but I'm really stuck at how to help her. I can't make DH drive to her, especially since she's not even talking to him! And I don't want to bash BM to her and say that much of these issues are her mother's fault. (Sending the text directly instead of just saying DH refuses to help and refusing to let SD24 borrow a car). I think it's pretty bad that BM is punishing SD24's choice of boyfriend by not allowing her to drive to see her father and little brothers.
Ugh. I personally would like DH to go get her, but SD24 doesn't seem to understand she needs to reinstate communication directly with him to even remotely expect that. I handle all 3 boys alone, take care of all food and family needs, so I just can't drive 4 hours (with the boys) just to bring her here myself. She's not MY kid! And I'm sad too because I know my boy would love to see her. Blah.
Ugh ugh ugh!