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50 Ways to Leave

TinyDancer's picture

I've been reading here for ages, no other site has been so helpful, so I want to pay it back. Looks like (to me) lately that a few women (maybe some men?) need to have a game plan ready for 'just in case' they need to, or want to leave.

This is on another site that unfortunately I also needed and it's the best, most concise list of information that I've found. So, I hope this helps if anyone should need it.

First, don't wait until Monday to talk to a lawyer. Find a domestic violence councilor and talk to them. If you are in the USA the 800 national number is 1-800-799-7233

Don't be afraid to call the police - keep your cell phone handy at all times. Once you leave, and talk to a lawyer, find out about a restraining order. The sad truth is that once you have left, he will probably be a lot worse. Can you get a friend to come over NOW and help you leave? It will be a lot safer that way.

Be aware that anything you leave behind you may never see again - but that losing stuff, no matter how long you have had it, or how much it means to you, is better than losing your baby or your life.

If you are leaving the house take with you:

1. Anything you can't replace - photos, heirlooms, jewelry, etc.

2. Copies of your joint tax returns for the last 7 years

3. Copies of his pay stubs and his work information - you may need this for child support/alimony

4. Make sure you have all your health insurance info.

5. All your important papers - driver's license, passport, marriage certificate, social security card, title to your car, etc. are with you. Ditto the information for the kids.

6. At least a week's worth of clothes including underwear and sleepwear, and several pairs of shoes. This is where a friend to help you becomes useful. Two cars means rescuing a lot more stuff.

7. If he has any credit cards under your name take him off them ASAP. See what you can do to any joint accounts, but don't take more than half the money. Make sure you have an account he can't get at.

8. Anything super meaningful to your child(ren). Special toy, doll, book, etc.

9. Prescription drugs, glasses including spares, contacts.

10. If you have a joint email account, get your own. For safety's sake change the password on your email account.

11. Cell phone(s). If you are on a family plan with him on it, drop him, or get your own plan, depending on whose name it is in.

12. Get your name off utilities, cable, land line phone, etc. you don't want to continue to be liable for such bills.

13. Make photocopies of all important papers and credit cards and stash them somewhere SAFE, not in the house, so you will at least have the basic info if he gets a hold of them.

Get all new bank accounts at a new bank. Not a different branch of the same bank. Whole different bank; preferably in a different town. Try and find one that rents safety deposit boxes, and stash copies of important documents there.

Don't get a fancy new cell phone right away. Buy a "disposable" pre-paid phone, like Tracfone. This way, if he starts harassment over the phone, you can use the one he's calling to collect evidence against him and inexpensively get another phone to actually use. (Put the first one on silent, and just remember to charge it from time to time.)

Get a post office box. Get one that's neither in the town where you'll be living or where you or he work. It'll be harder for him to find you, and he won't have much excuse for being there.

If you have kids, make sure their schools know about the divorce, so they can prepare for any nasty confrontations that may ensue. Also make sure the emergency contact info is up-to-date.

14. Clear your history, cookies, bookmarks, etc. on your computer if you are leaving it behind so he can't track you with that.

There is more if anyone needs it....

sterlingsilver's picture

Thanks for sharing. I wish I'd had this list years ago before xh was the one to change the locks on me - I should have taken the initiative but I didn't know what to do. This list might help a young mom in need.