Stealing

stepped-on-sm's picture

Sad

Not sure what to do, but need someone to talk to; my first reaction is to throw my SD out of my house
I was doing a room search of SD's room (she takes stuff without permission, hides food in her room, there's also a no toy rule due to staying up way too late, etc) and found a wad of cash ($25+) along with some 1's and loose change hidden on her closet shelf.
Now mind you a little change here & there and a few dollars I could understand but she has a wallet, purse & piggy bank.
But when I searched that area a few days ago there was nothing & I have a habit of stashing $20s $1's and $5's in our vehicles (dad sent her out into the van alone into the center console -off limits, to get his paycheck), dad leaves change in cup holders around the house etc
She claims she just "found" it but in the past 3-4 years we have gone over the loose money rules in our home (ie bring it to an adult, dont just assume you can have it, ask first).
& I wouldnt be worried if it was a few bucks but a large wad in less than a few days concerns me, I leave my wallet & purse upstairs, plus I stash money in the diaper bag, vehicles, bra (so it ends up in the laundry), etc.
I dont know how to approach her dad or deal with this.
Im very upset because if she will take some money without asking and hide it, what else is she or will she take? jewerly (my good stuff is locked up but I still have not so cheap earrings, necklaces and rings, all downstairs)? she's already stolen meds (which I moved all downstairs into our room), locked our pantry at night so she cant get into stuff that may make her sick.
In short if I had somewhere to send her I would. If I had proof she stole I would call the cops.
Im tempted to put a wireless cam in our living room to record to my pc when we arent upstairs (master is in the basement) just to see what she is up to at night and in the am.

I want to see if there is a summer treatment camp type therapy program she can attend but SO & her are such flakes during counseling its a joke and due to my disability I cant haul the baby up the enormous flight of stairs, she needs a shrink not a damn social worker to play games and have play dates with groups.

stepped-on-sm's picture

almost 11
but she's been doing stuff like this since bm lost parental rights
I know alot of things have to do with her issues but I feel I cant trust her.

I'm not as upset right now as I was when I posted. I keep trying to provide for her & help her, but the more I do that the worse she seems to get.

I know she has a habit of pushing us so we will give in (dad would), but now he's refusing to give into her and is setting firm boundaries.

Stepstress610's picture

You can tell me to butt out as I have no bio kids but I do remember being at that age. You know right from wrong but the cash is 'just there'...One simple thing you can do as you have laid down the law and explained things to her is to minimise the temptation for at least the next few months- stop stashing cash - round it all up safely. I know you want to build trust with her and you can do this at the same tie but at that age sometimes the temptation is too much (then add to that all that is going on in her life). Once you have done this over a period, see what happens, go back to the old ways and see if she is able to control the urge.

stepped-on-sm's picture

She has impulse control issues and is probably playing semantics in her mind that its ok or she really did find it, she has a lack of a moral base which I find disturbing.
I also suspected a long time ago BM had her steal because no one would suspect a cute lil kid and the legal ramifications would be less harsh.

It also doesnt help my sister is coaching SD against her so I hope some behaviors drop when my sis moves out, but the state has screwed up placement for months (been working on it since last fall).