Gahhhhhhhh...

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Love the SD12 like my own, she's sweet and very helpful, really great.

However...
She talks like a belt-fed machine gun. I'm not a simpleton and don't need people to speak to me slowly... but this girl makes me feel like I'm gonna get ADD or something. Listening to her for a few minutes is EXHAUSTING.

DW and I sitting there, relaxing, waiting for her ex to drop the kids off.
Front door flies open, Thing 1 and Thing 2 come flying in... Thing 1 (SS13) heads straight for the kitchen after dropping his stuff off in his room. Thing 2 drops her stuff in the living room, "MommymommyguesswhatwedidwewenttoSixFlagsandtheywereclosedandsowecouldntgetinbecausetherewasaprivetepartysowewenttoseeamoviewesawdaddyshome2haveyouseenithaveypuseenthefirstoneididitwasfunnyandsowasthesecondoneyoushoildreallyseeitwillyoutakemeiwanttoseeitagainratatat-tat-tat..." My word, I felt like she riddled my skull with bullets... I now have a sense of how a home invasion must feel. My lifeless corpse lay on the couch, draining out, clothes smoldering from the assault... then she went to her room.

DW looked at me. "Are you ok?"
"The M-60 machine gun is a gas-operated, air cooled, belt-fed automatic machine gun that fires from the open-bolt position and is chambered in 7.62 by 51 mm NATO cartridge..."

Then came the second wave...
"MommymommyguesswhatimthirdchairclarinetlistentomepracticehowaboutJingleBellsdoyouwanttohearthaticanplayit...shouldigetmymusicstandidontliketouseitbecauseitpokedmyfingeronceandithurtandmademeyeyyOWWsoidontlikeitbutillgetitifyouthinkishouldokillgetitseelookOWWWseeitoldyouidontknowwhyitdoesthat" *starts playing Three Blind Mice* *Changes to playing the scales* *starts playing something else, restarting several times* *starts playing Jingle Bells several times*
My brain by this point has turned to liquid and dribbled out onto the carpet. The dogs are all getting very worried about all those clarinet notes she's making. VERY worried.
My brain was by now mostly just a greasy stain in the carpet that looked like one of the Hell's Angels parked a VERY LEAKY 1949 Harley Davidson panhead motorcycle while he served 20 years in prison. DW looked over at me, facial expression like your favorite Picasso (or Glenn from The Walking Dead). "Are you ok?"

Is it just me? DW keeps reminding me how awesome SD is, and I agree, but DANNNNNG... I start fantasizing about going to work, or maybe going to get my physical, just to get out of the house a while...

I mean, REALLY... she's unbelievable.

Okay this made me laugh

Okay this made me laugh harder than I should have.

Me too!!!!

Me too!!!! }:)

Before stepchildren, I never

Before stepchildren, I never knew that stepping outside for an hour or two in the sweltering summer heat to mow the lawn would be such a wonderful experience. Sadly, it's fall - and the lawn doesn't need to be mowed... and we have no leaves to rake... Maybe I can get a second job so I have a legit reason to leave the house. Maybe at Ace Hardware where I can talk to nothing but adults who are grumpy curmudgeons like me and don't like to listen to anything but talk radio?

Then, to make it worse, SS13

Then, to make it worse, SS13 promptly clogged the toilet so bad that it wend down the pipe and clogged the whole house. I couldn't shower this morning... this kid's turds
don't
go
down
the
toilet.

He's getting a reputation with all the family members.

Holiday time, I now know... don't go to the bathroom after him. He'll set you up with a slow flusher that'll look like you did it.

I'm gonna put a lot of Miralax in his Swiss Miss Instant Cocoa this holiday season.

Oh man, I feel you too. My

Oh man, I feel you too. My SO's boy is so much louder than any child I've ever come across in my life. I want to retreat into some sort of panic room until he's in bed.

No fooling... I have

No fooling... I have apologized to my dad for being such a snot. "Dad, if I was a fraction as annoying as these kids, I'm SSSSO SORRRRRY..."

These kids are at that awkward stage when they make sounds like dinosaurs and tell poop jokes and fart and belch and watch cartoons that have characters with screechy voices at volume eleven and plot out sleepovers and ask IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, "Can Johnny stay for dinner and spend the night?" They know that if they put me on the spot, I automatically say NO, so they bypass me LOL...

Next time the unilateral decision from DW approves a sleepover, she'll probably be surprised about my unilateral decision to spend the night in a hotel room. "What?!? Why!?!"
"I asked you to please include me. Consider me. Run it by me. You started doing that, but the last couple times here, you just went ahead and did it, and if I protested, I'd have to do it in front of everyone and look like an asshole. So... just so I don't look like an asshole to the kids, and I can have the peace I need, I'll be at the hotel. You can join me if you like, your kids as well, but not all the unplanned Hostel guests."

Do NOT invite them!! Next

Do NOT invite them!! Next thing you know, you'll be hosting a freakin' hotel pool party. :O

I Feel statement: "When you

I Feel statement:
"When you unilaterally invite The Human Vacuole to spend the night after I spent $200 on groceries for the four of us this week, and I know that by Sunday night, most of it will be gone because your son and The Human Vacuole will be competing for who can eat the most WHILE cherry-picking the best stuff for themselves,
I FEEL
like you don't give a rat's dropping about the things I do for all four of us. Please stop putting the stowaways in First Class, mmmkay?"

I Feel statement:
"When your daughter insists on walking between you and me, and so close I almost trip over her, then runs to your side to hold your hand,
I FEEL
like she's trying to cut me out. Then, when you don't stop her,
I FEEL
like you think it's ok. And when I point it out, and you dismiss it,
I FEEL
like you don't value my feelings, which I don't want to believe is the case. Perhaps this is not your intention - and it's something you're not aware of? But this is exactly what's happening, and that's how I feel."

Java, I'm glad I don't have

Java, I'm glad I don't have those issues. I disengaged 2 years ago. I now make myself scarce and do ENJOYABLE activities on skid weekends!!!

Aniki, it's sometimes a pain,

Aniki, it's sometimes a pain, but we're figuring it out. I do disengage on occasion, though my own son (19) has his own issues when he comes over. Anything she points out to me is pretty much right, and I get on him as well... when I point out her kids' shortcomings, she takes it personally still, as if it's an attack on her parenting (which ultimately I suppose it is, though I don't attack). Her daughter said she prefers critique because she wants to improve - and she likes my style. Her son, OTOH, whenever I say anything, he rolls his shoulders forward and glooms his face down to the ground as if I shot his dog. Sorry kid, but when I'm running the whole show for a couple weeks after your mom had surgery and she's in a hydrocodone fog, and you UNDO the chores I did and "FORGET" to do any other chores, and I mention one of many instances - if getting caught is upsetting, then don't do the things that'll get you in trouble. It's a life lesson - when you get upset at me for pointing out that you aren't checking the pool skimmers, it's sorta like those folks who blame a cop for giving them a ticket for the 20th time they sped through a school zone. That's paving the path to mediocrity. Don't DOWN my authority - UP YOUR GAME.

Don't DOWN my authority - UP

Don't DOWN my authority - UP YOUR GAME.

If only, Java. If only.

If. After the Thanksgiving

If.

After the Thanksgiving break, road trippin' home, SD was being mildly annoying. SS started nitpicking on her and it was really annoying because now TWO were going on and on. So I said something just pointing something out to SS and DW asked me to stop. A spell of disengaging from these kids has now begun.

Bottom line is, neither of these kids appreciates a damn thing I do. DW shows appreciation, asks the kids to show appreciation (which they do when prompted, but more like "Oh... thanks, Java...") They just expect me to do things... as it looks right now, for Christmas, they'll each get a "token" $10 bill each from me.

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