Disengaged Christmas
Been making my list, checking it twice...
DW will be getting nice things. Massage gift certificates, perfume, and a lot of fun stocking stuffers that she loves to get but hasn't gotten so much the past few years. Her stocking will need an overflow stocking LOL.
Son will be getting something cool. Might be simply cash... 
20 year old needing to start his life, that's probably the best, though he'll get a few fun things, too.
SD13 will be getting a modest but nice bookshelf stereo since she's been doing well in band in school and is appreciating music. Some trinkets for the stocking, too.
SS14... my plan is to just give him a $25 gift card to GameStop. It's not enough to get him something great, but mostly pay for a nice used game. Maybe a couple of stocking trinkets, too.
It'll be obvious disparity - is this OK?
DW obviously favors SS and it's obvious to everyone except her. This past year, SS has been acting more and more entitled and has even gotten snarky with DW on a few occasions, being openly disrespectful to her (surprise, surprise) despite her best efforts to be a "friend" to him. He has received amazing gifts compared to his sister the past couple of years, and I really haven't liked the disparity, so I'm trying to tilt it back the other way, even if it's just a fraction.
Thoughts?
Piss poor behavior returns
Piss poor behavior returns piss poor rewards. Stick to your plan.
I would.
Anything you do for your SK's
Anything you do for your SK's is voluntary.. let your Wife do what she wants for her kids..
this year I bought YSD a luggage set.. margaritas.. and a trip to bimini. OSD got a candle melt warmer..and a bottle of wine.. oh well.
I don't get the skids
I don't get the skids anything, DW might put my name on a gift tag but I had nothing to do with it and want nothing to do with it. SD26 might get me a gift but she thinks that makes up for all the $hitty stuff she does the rest of the year, which it doesn't .
I'm learning the exact same
I'm learning the exact same lesson as your DW. I have given my SS great, amazing Christmas' and birthdays that last two years and it has gotten me nothing! As a matter of fact, just like your DW, my DH and I are getting an attitutude of disrespect, entitlement, selfishness. This year, he is getting a sweater, a pair of jeans and a Scout knife. That's it! He is not getting anything in his stocking. It is going to sit empty. We are over it! Definitley tilting it the other way, and when he pouts and whines and asks why our response will be: You reap what you sow. Santa is dead and you need to adopt an attitude of gratitude. We are going to tell him that he needs to learn the gift of GIVING not just receiving and then we are going to spend our afternoon at the local Soup Kitchen serving the homeless Christmas lunch.
Of course, we do't give...
...that we may expect anything in return, but I've had it.
I do way too much for everyone around that house and get damn little recognition or appreciation for it.
This past business trip, DW said, "Of course, when you leave, everything falls apart. I don't know why it all waited." I said, "Hon, it's always about to fall apart, but I see it and do things to prevent it. I see leaves in the gutters and clear them out. I see the pool is cloudy and I put in hydrochloric acid. I see the internet starts bogging down and reset the router. I see dirt in the sink and clean it up. I see we're out of food and go buy some." I didn't bother saying "And nobody notices all that I do because nobody goes hungry or unentertained or hurt or sick when I'm here." Maybe I should have.
As for gifts, Thing 1 will get a neat toy that I know he won't appreciate (old fashioned Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots game). Not expensive, but everyone will go on about how cool it is, and he'll pout because it's not Madden 19, which will be fine by me. If the derpytwerp would just give things a try before losing his marbles, life would improve and he'd appreciate stuff like that. Last year, he got some really cool (AND EXPENSIVE!!!!) baseball memorabilia, like the year before (so, yes, 2 years in a row) while Thing 2 got little trinkets. I'm determined to not repeat that pattern. If I could get away with it, he'd get a lump of coal.
Thing 2 has some goodies lined up and will be super surprised, I'm sure she'll like it all. Is it everything she wants? Nope. Her mom and dad can provide those things, and I think she knows and appreciates that..
I'm just the bonus guy giving StepPresents, so appreciate it!.
We are over it! Definitley
StepMom in Maryland-
We are over it! Definitley tilting it the other way, and when he pouts and whines and asks why our response will be: You reap what you sow. Santa is dead and you need to adopt an attitude of gratitude. We are going to tell him that he needs to learn the gift of GIVING not just receiving and then we are going to spend our afternoon at the local Soup Kitchen serving the homeless Christmas lunch.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ YES YES & YES!!!!
PREACH THIS BECAUSE WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES TO THEIR ACTIONS & BEHAVIOR THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.
Funny, so...
DW told me last night that she doesn't want me buying her kids presents LOL.
OK, your wish is my command!
So, should I unwrap them all and keep them for me?
Nope, DW does not get to say
Nope, DW does not get to say shit about your gift giving. Give the gifts.
JJ,
What is the attraction in remaining in this strangely toxic marriage?
While I understand the difficulty in ending a marriage even to a toxic partner, eventually there has to be a limit to what is tolerable. In my first marriage I was hell bent on not being divorced. Blessedly the greatest gift my adulterous whore of a cavern crotched XW gave was a divorce due to her being a cavern crotched adulterous whore. Fortunately that occurred before I polluted my gene pool with her. Next best was a killer recipe for Queso and a pair of very cool elephant skin cowboy boots. I still have the boots and the Queso recipe but blessedly that crazy whore is long gone. I owe her a debt of gratitude for ending that debacle of a marriage.
Take care of you.
You asked
It seems it's not horrible, but as I really think, I'm bummed a lot. She talks me into a lot of things that I wind up not being very happy about.
Maybe I should set my expectations higher than "not horrible" and tell her NO sometimes.